Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Lets support a domestic abuser

30 replies

Gingerkittykat · 13/05/2020 16:36

After I read this sob story about the Reverend Paul Parks and how unfairly he had been treated being sacked as a vicar for domestic abuse I decided to do some digging.

I found the [[https://www.churchofengland.org/sites/default/files/2020-04/Parks%20-%20Tribunal%20Decision%20-%2010.01.20.pdf] tribunal decision here and it is clear he abused his wife for many years including calling her a fucking whore, controlling her movements, threatening her with a knife, driving towards a brick wall with her in an armlock in the passenger seat and managing to blame her for whatever has gone wrong and making out she is an abuser.

The Daily Mail are clearly sympathetic towards him, a poor veteran is now facing homelessness due to his PTSD after being failed by the church. His go fund me is trying to raise 90 000 to pay his legal fees and secure housing.

There is a lot of talk about his PTSD and the help he has had, I wonder what help his wife and children are getting for the trauma inflicted on them?

I am utterly shocked at this, painting him as a nice charitable guy who just lashed out a few times when he is actually a serial abuser.

In 2011, Lois was ill following the birth of her youngest child. The respondent refused to
allow her to leave her bed for a period of some hours. He threatened to kill her and called
her Jezabel. When he finally let her go, he blamed Lois for making him a monster.

Is an extract from the tribunal report.

OP posts:
hoodathunkit · 15/05/2020 12:27

I have a diagnosis of CPTSD from an experienced NHS psychologist

me too

One a psychologist notorious for promoting SRA conspiracy theorists, who went to considerable measures to obscure her involvement and in fact denied it, while I was seeing them. The other a psychiatrist who I saw prior to me knowing about the ISSTD, the Clinic for Dissociative Studies, the Bowlby Centre et al.

I subsequently saw a psychologist who is also associated with the ISSTD and the Clinic for Dissociative Studies, although this was obscured from me prior to my session.

I know of her involvement only because, when I explained that I had been seen by a psychologist linked to the Clinic fof Dissociative Studies who had tried to get me to believe I had been abused by a satanic cult and repressed the memories, and also that I was concerned about the colleagues of Valerie Sinason, this particular psychologist got very angry, announcned that I was casting aspersions on her friends and colleagues and diagnosed me with delusional disorder.

Is the psychologist who diagnised you involved with any of the multitude of dubious organisations that are allied to the ISSTD?

I'm asking simply because you may not know. I didn't know when i was diagnosed. If it very common for clients / patients not to know in fact.

hoodathunkit · 15/05/2020 12:56

Also the term "dissociative fugue" is one on which the client loses their sense of personal identity and goes out and does things that they cannot remember - as the actions were undertaken by another part of themselves of which they are not conscious.

This is exactly what people with DID/MPD claim happens to them and it is frequently used as a way of avoiding responsibility for doing bad things, or not preventing bad things, in my expensive personal experience.

I have personal experience of something similar, as do many traumatised people. Something bad is happening that needs attention and yet one feels paralysed. There is awareness of something bad and yet is is so distressing that one compartmentalises it. This is not the same as dissociative fugue but has dissociative elements.

The various controversial organisations claiming to specialise in dissociative disorders continually create new categories of dissociative disorders and break the varying elements of the different disorders down and run expensive training courses about them. It is a gift that keeps on giving to the people running the training courses. Ker-ching ker-ching the money tap keeps on flowing

They may claim that a "dissociative fugue" is seperate to what happens to people with DID/MPD but the basic mechanics are identical.

A person does something, very often something bad, negligent or even criminal, and then claims to have absolutely no memory of the event.

They may embark on a quest, with the aid of their therapist, to "recover the memories".

In my experience they recover memories of incest of SRA that they claim removes or diminishes their repsonsibility for their bad actions or neglect. In fact they may even get competititve with those they have harmed, I have seen this. "You're angry at me for doing x horrific thing, but I was forced to sacrfice babies by a satanic sect so my trauma trumps yours". I have witnessed this insane crap with my own eyes.

In fact over the last few years the "brand" of DID/MPD has changed. Back in the videos of the 80s and 90s you will see extremely disturbed women crying, screaming and acting like traumatised young children.

Nowadays you will see many people claiming to have DID earning significant remuneration, obtaining gifts and receiving narcisistically gratifying social interaction from millions of people. The similarities between the videos of these influencers and the non-binary / trans young people influencers are obvious to anyone who is paying attention.

These latest manifestations of people with DID claim to have some memory of their "alters", so it may be that as the chamelion that is MPD/DID/complex trauma evolves over time, dissociative fugue can become categorised more clearly in such a way that lucrative training courses can be delivered to the benefit of all the quacks on the disociative disorder gravy train.

Having said that, I think it is highly likely that within these networks of quacks, charlatans and mountebanks, there exist many well meaning pracitioners who have simply fallen in with the cult like dynamics prevalent in these organisations and are genuinely trying to help people and are simply misguided.

Part of the problem is that dissociation is a real thing. The mind / body connection is a real and fascinating thing. Somatic disorders are real.

There is an urgent need for this important area of study to be liberated from the confines of the cultic milleu that currently controls it.

hoodathunkit · 15/05/2020 13:13

Having PTSD myself, and also knowing many other people who live with it means I know that threatening to drive your wife into a wall or calling her a fucking whore is not part of the disorder.

I know many people who have been traumatised including people who survived toxic / abusive childhoods, people who were gaslighted over years and people who were traumatised by war and by being trafficked.

People respond to trauma in different ways.

I think that there is a particular problem with former and current service men and women.

To be a soldier people are encouraged to be violent and to be prepared to kill people. Behaviour that would be considered to be murder in a non-conflict situation is encouraged. War is an atrocious thing.

When people serve in armed conflict they may kill people, they may be physically and / or emotionally scarred, they may see their friends killed or injured, they may be tortured or witness toruture.

They may befriend local people only to learn that the people they befriended were punished, tortured of killed for associating with them.

They may have survivor guilt, guilt because they took a decision that saved themselves but resulted in the deaths of others.

It is unsurpsising that former members of the armed forces are massively over represented in populations with drug and alcohol problems, mental health problems, relationship breakdowns and homeless including rough sleepers.

Personally I think that if we train people to be soldiers and to risk their lives serving their county we owe them a responsibility to provide them with proper metnal health services when they leave the forces.

I know of many, many cases where this has not happened.

I also think it is a mistake to compare different personal experiences if PTSD.

The experiences of former soldiers are likely to have different features to those of other traumatised people.

hoodathunkit · 15/05/2020 13:20

Obviously I am not saying that it is fine for a man to threaten to drive his wife into a wal, to call her "a fucking whore" or, as the vicar did, to threaten to gouge her eyes out

I just think that it is a mistake to compare a non-combatant's experience of PTSD with a former soldier's experience

There will be common themes to traumatic experiences but each person will have their own unique experience also

hoodathunkit · 15/05/2020 16:57

I just found this very well made, nuanced exploration of issues relating to dissociation, dissociative disorder and the controversies surround these diagnoses.

The using his professional experiences and the literature the presenter does a great job of summarising the salient points and touches on issues of culpability for criminal acts (and avoidance of culpability via diagnoses of dissociative disorders) and of the situation that exists whereby many mental health professionals earn their living by promoting dissociative disorders and may find it difficult to admit they were wrong when their career is built on dissociative studies.

Very thoughtful and well researched, some of his other videos are interesting also

New posts on this thread. Refresh page