"Don't kink shame me!"

[Lamahaha]

I apologise if this article has been posted before -- it's a year old. But it has lots of delicious sound-bites.

www.spiked-online.com/2019/05/08/the-pervert-community-oh-please/?fbclid=IwAR0TTPSvyJvUNgbTjQIAhupaRvUXXtFgU56r566Zsa09kLbh7bOPU2ijDaw

"‘You’re not going out dressed like that!’, has become ‘You can’t say that!’ – and it’s all the more sinister coming from a younger generation rather than an older one, who could be excused for being cautious."

"Someone who likes dressing up in a gimp mask is not Rosa Parks, and I find the increasing lack of ability to differentiate between the two in some quarters highly risible at best and downright insulting at worst."

"Personally, I don’t think Pride needs to be family-friendly – it’s about the very adult desire to connect your genitalia to the genitalia of the same sex, which is pretty specific. But neither is it about kinks. Considering its origins, lesbians have far more right to be there than men who pretend to be dogs at weekends."

"I can’t help thinking that outrage is to this generation what sex was to mine."

God I do love Julie.

Interesting article. This line stood out for me and summarises so much of the issue:
Don’t wear a crown that’s been paid for with the blood of others.
Burchill is talking about heterosexual people claiming to be 'genderqueer' there, but I've also been thinking a lot about the way the actual events of the Stonewall riots have been completely rewritten by trans activists.
There's so much about the trans movement that is toxic but claiming that they started the modern gay rights movement while shouting abuse and lying about the actions of the people who actually did is one of the lowest things I've ever seen.

I love this. Thanks for posting it.

Yes thanks. Julie Burchill is brilliant and we need more of her in mainstream media.

I love her.

Also I think we need more kink shaming.

If you can only get off by dressing up in baby outfits or rubber puppy suits, your bedroom behavior is risible and I reserve the right to point and laugh when you proudly strut it in public.

Not wanting you to be arrested or sacked for your sexual proclivities does not mean they're not ridiculous, unhealthy or inadvisable. Now fuck off and find a bloody therapist or at least confine your pitiful behavior to your bedroom and your long suffering partner and stop demanding that the rest of us celebrate your absurdity with you.

She's a national treasure! It's the pleas for validation that confuse and annoy me too. Kinks aren't meant to be validated, that's supposed to be part of the fun of having them. Does anyone really want their mum and dad nodding approvingly as they earnestly describe what they get up to in bed? For the love of god, why?

Also not all kinks are created equal and some of them deserve a thorough shaming, while others might be fine in certain contexts but that context is never, ever at an event with children in attendance.

Stonewall law is to actual law as the fast food that Famine came up with in Good Omens is to actual food.

(Last comment meant for a different thread, sorry for the wait what)

I feel like this don’t kink shame me is actually disingenuous for kinksters. For the most part, kink happens when people’s erotic imaginations get tied to shame and fear. So if we all stopped shaming them they’d lose their appeal! When they scream “don’t shame me” behind a computer screen half of them are Furiously going at it because that’s exactly what they want... to be shamed.

Probably if everyone stopped shaming them they’d have to find something even more objectionable to do in order to get their jollies. Which indeed seems to be true given the increasing publicity of random weird and creepy sex.

Best thing that could happen is that they find a partner who is willing to pretend to be grossed out by whatever they do even though they are not (eg another kinkster). None of that requires they be in public doing their kinks. Involving random people in your kink is unethical because you can’t get consent.

I’m all for kink-shaming. What you do with other consenting adults in private is you own business; stop expecting us to be interest or to validate it.

Be off-fucking with that nonsense.

This line stood out for me and summarises so much of the issue
Don’t wear a crown that’s been paid for with the blood of others

Agree this is a great point. I don't understand why gay men aren't putting up more of a fight against all the straight Emo kids dying their hair blue and calling themselves queer. Twitter got outraged about cultural appropriation this week because a black American girl dared to Irish-dance (I only mention her colour because this seemed to provoke part of the outrage), but the appropriation of the entire LGB movement by straight twats seems to be fine with everyone apart from lesbians.

I don't think anyone should be shamed for what they do in private with other consenting adults.

If they insist on doing it in public that's another matter.

Twitter got outraged about cultural appropriation this week because a black American girl dared to Irish-dance

Seriously? I saw that video, thought she was really good. How ridiculous.

When two (or even more) people partner in a romantic relationship, their relationship becomes public because they often form a unit outside of just the bedroom. We see them shopping together, buying a home, caring for the other during sickness. Fighting for gay rights wasn’t about fighting for what people do in the bedroom, it was about fighting for that public relationship.

I don’t care what kinks people have as long as they remain between consenting adults. It should’t be possible for me to kink shame because I shouldn’t know what anyone is doing in the bedroom unless I am considering them as a partner. At that point if we don’t match up, we don’t become partners.

WTF. There's not a chance in hell that any actual Irish people were getting outraged about the "cultural appropriation." So whoever was getting angry actually was speaking over and erasing the culture they claimed to be sticking up for, and should consider themselves a colonialist appropriator and get in the bin.

Sorry my previous was a response to the mention of the Twitter spat! I was too taken aback to even remember to quote it. I saw the video and it was so good, so of course Twitter wanted to ruin it.
I haven't read the column yet but am looking forward to it, I deeply enjoy Julie Burchill.

If they insist on doing it in public that's another matter.

I agree.

The concept of 'kink shaming' implies either that people have a right to make the details of their sex lives public, or that it's somehow wrong to say 'no' to a particular activity during sex because it's a 'kink'. Both are very worrying.

I know someone who is a nudist. He always says that the nudists he knows do their thing "indoors and only with like-minded others." The kinksters could do with listening to him.

I don't understand why gay men aren't putting up more of a fight against all the straight Emo kids dying their hair blue and calling themselves queer.

I imagine they learned from the metrosexual fad of the early 2000s and wisely realised that the best way to deal with any fad is to let time take care of it. Alternatively, they may simply not care.

Seriously? I saw that video, thought she was really good. How ridiculous.

WTF. There's not a chance in hell that any actual Irish people were getting outraged about the "cultural appropriation." So whoever was getting angry actually was speaking over and erasing the culture they claimed to be sticking up for, and should consider themselves a colonialist appropriator and get in the bin.

It's true. I'm on the Ireland sub-reddit and it was posted there. Everyone was full of praise and admiration, saying she is better than most contemporary Irish dancers.

I know someone who is a nudist. He always says that the nudists he knows do their thing "indoors and only with like-minded others." The kinksters could do with listening to him.

I lived next door to a couple in Germany who were nudists. I've known them for 30 years, though I didn't always lived there -- but I was invited into their home, to barbecues in their garden, to sit and chat often. They never once spoke about being nude. I never saw them nude. True, they had very high hedges around their lovely garden and perhaps they hang out there nude in summer (they're now in their late 60's early 70's) but they are very discreet about it. I wouldn't have known if my own landlady, who knew them more closely, hadn't told me. They actually made more of a conservative impression on me!

I think that sex, all kinds of sex, is the most intimate act between people and needs to stay in the bedroom. Even if they don't mind being seen in the act, other people do. Same with nudity, even non-sexual nudity such as in a hospital or changing room.

I don't understand why gay men aren't putting up more of a fight against all the straight Emo kids dying their hair blue and calling themselves queer.

I suspect that the ones who have a media voice, are mainly young gay men who actually don't remember that there was a time they could be arrested and were viciously harassed by police. That if they got gay-bashed, they couldn't report it becuase the police would bash them as well.

They have no memory.

An excellent article on the subject, by Jennifer Bilek:

www.the11thhourblog.com/post/why-is-your-fetish-our-business?fbclid=IwAR1Mr-cn92CYw4TSjETGoLACvRnVCZr8No9gTsLIXs81tKNrlWwxBNac9Y0

Those pups would’ve given me nightmares, had I encountered them as a child. Ugh.

Felt like JBurch was everywhere in the 90s/00s and I miss reading her.