I'm just so tired of everything

[CloudsCoveredTheSky]

I feel so ground down by all of the shit women have to deal with. I feel traumatised by it, knowing that huge swathes of the population don't view us as human beings.

I'm so tired of all my friends acting like I'm some kind of bigot because I won't join in with the TWAW/be kind/pronouns nonsense. I'm sick of my friends saying porn and prostitution is "women's chooooooice".

I'm tired of the endless stupid shit, the judgement because women choose not to breastfeed or because they chose to breastfeed in public, because you dress up too nicely or not nicely enough, because your husband helps around the house (not my Nigel) or because he doesn't and it's all left up to you. Every single thing we say or do is policed, by men or by each other.

I've been a feminist since I was 16, now 42 and just tired of it.

My view is that the version of you people construct in their heads isn't you. If you don't like it, it only seems reasonable to fault yourself for the unlikable parts you contributed to, the rest is a reflection of them.

I wouldn't want to live in a world where people were only allowed to think nice things about me because that would either make me a tyrant of unparalleled oppression or a victim of a system that equally restricted my thoughts.

I really don't understand what that has to do with my post.

If people are unfairly and unreasonably judging you, that's their problem. Their judgments are fiat; only you can decide whether they matter to you.

I'm not talking about me personally, I'm talking about women as a class.

Easy to say "don't let it drag you down" but when it restricts us all, it's another matter.

This isnt the world I inhabit, most people do their jobs, raise their children and have the occasional laugh. They dont care about other people' s breast feeding, judge others on their clothes or CRUCIALLY voice their opinions on trans rights or pornography, this does not make them shit anybodies!
Try smiling and lighten up??

I don’t have maases of woke friends, OP, but I do feel ground down by the realisation that sexism is rife throughout the world, even in countries and places that supposedly have relative equality.

I’m exhausted with male bosses, who either bully me, or see themselves as white knights who want me to be eternally grateful for the crumbs they gave me, despite the fact they gave me what they decided I wanted, and didn’t listen when I tried to tell them what I need.

The wholesale undermining of women’s rights by the underhand expedient of changing the legal meaning of the word woman to include men who demanded it is just the cherry on the cake of a lifetime of shittiness.

We' re not a class, we are half the human race!

Maybe you're struggling with women because of your appalling attitude towards them?

I'm not talking about me personally, I'm talking about women as a class.

Sorry, I was working off the examples you gave.

@AnyOldPrion Thanks for understanding, it seems that the feminism board is not really working today.

@BillywilliamV I think you need to look up the meaning of class in sociological terms.

Think you’ve picked a bad time of day Clouds. Other feminists will be along later.

I think we all get worn down with things at points. Look for a local rad fem group near you. I can’t tell you how much mine lift me. I’m also fortunate that most of my friends pre rad fem groups get it and the ones that don’t I mostly keep schtum and drip drip drip if something comes up, just planting a seed.

"Sorry, I was working off the examples you gave."

How could someone judge me for breastfeeding and for not breastfeeding?

@Cuntysnark I will see if there are any in my area, that's a good idea.

This is what started this, I asked a friend what she thought of all the TWAW stuff and she had a bit of a go at me. We've always seen eye to eye on most things so it was a bit of a shock.

I agree OP. My suggestion would be to find real people who agree with you (there are some, despite what your friend said) and step away from social media which is toxic. I was finding it very hard as I felt like a couple of years ago I was a woman and a European. Nothing contentious about either. Nowadays however...

Yes it is beyond annoying that your life chances are constrained by the fact the people perceive women differently to men as a class rather than judging each person on merit.

Yes it is annoying that complex discussions around the effect of biology on human lives get turned into simplistic all or nothing debates. I am comfort reading Jane Austen and she perfectly , amongst other things, saw that some women just don't have maternal instincts towards their children that others think of as natural

Think that was random.
Anyway, you need better friends. Even the person I know who has the biggest heart to anyone suffering can understand that a just be nice TWAW approach is not being nice.

Also I wonder if your friend actually knows what the situation was. My mum was adamant that TWAW but she really had no idea what has been going on more recently and how big the trans umbrella has become! I think a lot of people are the same.

How could someone judge me for breastfeeding and for not breastfeeding?

The same way I've been judged for 'always wearing heels' and 'always wearing flat bottomed shoes': different people/timings and limited information.

@totallyyesno I barely use social media as it is.

Everyone around me seems to feel the same, that we should be kind, just pretend, stop whining.

@Gronky Ok well we've established that that's not what I was talking about so let's move on.

I get you Clouds - I often feel the same. I think sometimes a break from social media helps

yes I totally understand OP

it was MN that really crystalised it for me with men are the default human and women are the support human. The invisible woman almost made me cry with rage at how widespread this was in ways I had not even considered e.g. medicines not tested on women because 'hormones make it complicated', seatbelts not taking into account half the adult human race have boobs, disease symptoms being different in women leading to misdiagnosis or no diagnosis at all because only the effects on men were studied.

My DH has no idea of the immense privilege he has just being male in a world designed by and around men.

and then on top of all of this, the final piece of shit in the shit cake, I am told I have to accept men can be women just because they 'identify' as one. I dont identify as a woman, I AM a fucking woman. How dare any man think he can put on a dress and be a woman? what absolute batshittery

When you see it, you can't unsee it.

But most people choose not to see it at all. It does rather upset your safe perception of the world. And in this case ignorance is bliss.

Sometimes I wish I'd never started reading Weldon or Attwood. I can't remember which was first but one of them started the slow process of opening my eyes.

And now I'm cross because seemingly sensible people refuse to even think about sneaking a peek at reality.

... I'm sick of my friends saying porn and prostitution is "women's chooooooice"...

Get new friends.

I have family members who simply refuse to see or discuss the whole TWAW subject. They are in complete denial. I have a couple of friends who do get it and appreciate the issues.
I am thankful the tide is turning, but painfully aware that many women will never know, never appreciate the battle that has been going on, the sacrifices that have been made, the courage that has been shown and the many, many casualties.
I find that frustrating.

@HorseRadishFemish What a useful comment, thanks