Thread from years ago, MNer as trans to flummox employer

[RhymesWithOrange]

A few years ago a mumsnetter decided to tell her employer she id'd as trans, without changing her name, clothes etc. There was some consternation and bemusement from HR and then I lost the thread. Does anyone know what I'm talking about and what happened to the thread?

TIA

I didn't get the opportunity, no. They made up a bullshit and potentially discriminatory excuse - based on me being part time and the other applicants being full time. (They are childfree males and I have 4 children including a toddler... funny that I "choose" to only work part time huh?) And whilst my line manager was supportive initially, he didn't take action when I was bullied about my application. (Certain people at my work believed that I was "copying some t*rf on twitter". )

I got legal advice, and believe I could have pursued a discrimination claim, but by this time bastards on twitter were constantly trying to hack and dox me so my husband was stressed, and then other family stuff came up which I needed to concentrate on, so I just got a better job and quit (which I still feel a bit guilty about).

Empress my dear, hope you're well?

Hi @Somerville hope you are well.

Did you win the award? Are you genderfree in your new job?

Cross post @Somerville.

Sorry about the harassment and doxxing. Great news about your new job, why feel guilty?

Well I think you deserve

It wasn't really an award. I was trying to change details to not make it obvious to anyone I worked with (which thankfully worked). It was a training opportunity that would look good on CV. Which had nothing to do with anything LGBTQIwordsalad so it was utterly bizarre that they made this status the criteria. And no, I didn't get it, though I was shortlisted.

Any form that asks for gender, I write "genderfree, sex female" so yes, I'm genderfree in my new job and everywhere. Sometimes that leads to a question about my pronouns, to which I blink innocently and say "my pronouns are as per my sex."

why feel guilty?
Gah... just... heroines like Maya, and Kate Scottow, didn't or couldn't run away from these legal battles. We need to have them. But I didn't feel like I could at that point.

Good to see you Somerville! Glad you got a better job

Anyway I’m now on the inclusion committee

That's a result!

I like "gender-free". There's an (slight) analogy there with religion and atheism. Sometimes when I've said I'm not religious, I'm an atheist, because I prefer evidence-based beliefs, I'm told that atheism is a religion, and I believe in it without evidence. Believers of bullshit are wrong-footed when you won't engage with their bullshit!

Jacob - did you get your own loo and special headed paper

All our toilets apart from one set are already gender neutral - aka they all have piss on the floor and the rim! I go down 5 floors to use the womens' toilets.

No headed notepaper and I refuse to add my preferred pronouns on my email signature which seems to be all the rage these days.

Heroine Somerville. Well done. Thanks for taking the time to update x

If I see an email with anything more than the persons name, job title and contact details (and some kind of email footer promoting the business) then I make a mental note (a potential tricky person).

5 floors to use the womens' toilets.
Isn't that discriminating against women?

Empress my dear, hope you're well?

Very well thank you, although my hair is going to be taller than I am if it keeps shooting upwards at this rate.

Isn't that discriminating against women

I’m not sure what you mean? The ground floor has women’s toilets and men’s toilets.

Every other floor has gender neutral toilets only.

Which is in line with legal provision (I checked).

Gender neutral is a load of bollocks (literally) - they're unisex toilets. If you're in the UK, each unisex loo must be a "self contained room" (so floor to ceiling walls, including its own private sink, lockable, and containing a sanpro bin.
They must also be kept in a "clean and orderly condition" by law, which is good grounds on which to complain about them every singe time there is urine on the seat or the ground.

Very well thank you, although my hair is going to be taller than I am if it keeps shooting upwards at this rate.

Yes, all the toilets are individual self contained rooms which open direct onto the corridor. They do get checked regularly, there’s a checklist up on the wall in each one and they’re ticked 3-4 times a day. There’s just hundreds of people (a lot of blokes) so they’re in constant use and a lot of people seem unable to wee in the toilet. I’m not sure the company could do much more without employing a permanent attendant.

What we need to get companies to realise is that because women can't stay standing up, we have a biological need for cleaner seats than men... and also tend to keep them cleaner than the men. So the way they can do more... is by having separate male and female toilets. The womens' will stay cleaner than the mens', and there'll be fewer complaints.
It's also more expensive to have sanpro bins in every cubicle, so some companies try to cut costs by not including them in all of them, which is a thing to look out for ready for complaints.

They must also be kept in a "clean and orderly condition" by law

Gosh, I never knew that.
I will make a point of complaining next time there's a pissy seat.

I personally don't like full length closed cubicles as I feel a bit trapped in them. I suppose its alright with mobile phones but even so.

Usual escapable cubicles, with a sink if possible, is all I ask.

Lovely to hear from you Somerville, I often think about you and your family and wish you well, I remember you from back on the gulp dating thread.

Does DH still sport the beard?

5 floors to use the womens' toilets.

It’s like that Hidden Figures film, where the clever black female scientist has to run across the site on her break to get to the “coloured women’s bathroom”.

JacobReesMogadishu The policy discriminates against women compared to men, because women menstruate and may not want to deal with that in a mixed sex toilet.
Single sex toilets and mixed sex accessible toilets are the legal requirement.
Women have good reasons to need a toilet on the floor where they work; not to have to walk past 4 toilets on 4 floors to reach the only single sex toilet.

Also, only women get pregnant so it’s hugely inconvenient for pregnant women who might want to pee away from men and, depending how hard the sprog is trampolining on their bladders, may not have 5 floors of holding on in them. Add to that pregnant women with SPD, where even walking from one room to the next can be agonisingly painful, and you have a massive sex-based problem.