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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Impact of lockdown on women in abusive relationships

13 replies

Whatsallthisaboutthen · 24/03/2020 11:02

I know lockdown is necessary, I'm not saying it's not, and I don't have any better ideas.

But women are going to die as a direct result of being trapped in the house with abusive men.

I still live with my ex husband, for complicated financial reasons that are basically all about control. Yesterday he screamed at me so hard his whole face was red and spit was flying everywhere. We've been isolating for a week so far. The idea of doing this for another 3, or, lets face it, probably longer, is completely horrifying. He's never hit me, and I don't think he will (though does anyone ever think they will?), but who the fuck knows what's going to happen when we've been stuck between these 4 walls for a month?

OP posts:
I0NA · 24/03/2020 11:50

I know it’s frightening, I’m sorry you are going through this. Do you have an escape plan for when this is over ?

If it gets intolerable, is there anyone else you can go and stay with? I know it’s not ideal, but in an emergency.

TooTrueToBeGood · 24/03/2020 11:57

He may never have hit you but emotional abuse can do just as much harm as physical abuse. You are right, I hate to think how much worse this crisis will make things for victims of abusive relationships. I have no answers, sorry, other to remind people that organisations like Womens Aid depend on donations to operate and give vital support.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 24/03/2020 12:12

Sorry to hear about your situation, OP. I'd there a friend or family member you could go to if you feel you're not safe? I would think that would count as essential travel.

R0wantrees · 24/03/2020 12:57

thread with resources including list of numbers & contact options for support services available now:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3452784-Coercive-Control-a-need-for-better-awareness

deepwatersolo · 24/03/2020 13:37

The lockdown certainly makes it harder to escape an abusive relationship while fostering a situation that 'invites' abusers to be their worst selves.
In severe cases police will still remove abusive men from the homes (in Austria at least, this was clearly communicated), but, obviously, there will be many situations that don't quite 'rise to the level' in the eyes of the police. Arranging for some alternative place to stay just in case that things get worse might be a woman's best bet.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 24/03/2020 13:45

I’m really worried about my exMIL. She’s a high risk person due to illness and she has become very depressed in the last couple of weeks, not getting out of bed I think because she knew lockdown was coming and her husband would be home all day. At least when he was working she had a break. And her daughters and sister could visit. Now he’s going to be home all the time. And she has no-one else there. Just her and him. She texted me last night and she doesn’t sound good at all.

stumbledin · 24/03/2020 13:50

Hi

There is a statement from 4 Women's Aid federations in the UK about supporting women during virus crisis. It aas list of support numbers, web links at the end: www.womensaid.org.uk/vawg-sector-statement-on-covid-19/

Also list of DV support services for women from BAME communities www.imkaan.org.uk/get-help

stumbledin · 24/03/2020 13:52

I think that expecting someone in a crisis to scroll thought a rambling mumsnet thread isnt that helpful.

I thought, but cant remember where exactly, mumsnet had a section of useful support / resource services.

Or did I dream it?

R0wantrees · 24/03/2020 15:59

stumbledin
The link was to a two-page resource thread.
Last two posts are current contact details (reproduced below):

BY NATALIE GIL for Elle:
19/03/2020
'I'm Forced To Be Trapped With Him': For A Domestic Violence Victim, Self-Isolation Is Life Threatening
As the government is encouraging social distancing and self-isolation amid the coronavirus pandemic, domestic violence groups are concerned about what this could mean for victims.

(extract)
"The link between isolation and domestic violence"
Isolation is already a tactic used by many perpetrators of domestic violence, within a pattern of physical, emotional, economic, psychological and/or sexual abuse. There are already indications that the pandemic has increased rates of domestic abuse in other countries. Incidents in China skyrocketed after a lockdown was introduced, with the number of cases recorded by one non-profit almost doubling since it began, according to local reports.

'Having to stay at home can give abusers more opportunity to control and restrict women's activities and freedoms,' says Andrea Simon, from the End Violence Against Women Coalition.

Stephanie says the abuse is more frequent when she is alone in the house, especially for concentrated periods.

'When he's around other people, he's the most charismatic, charming person. In private, he scares me. We were alone together for a few years in a different city and that's where the bulk of the abuse happened.' (continues)

How to access help during self-isolation or quarantine
As it stands, helplines and accommodation-based services remain open and refuges are 'preparing for women and children contracting the virus whilst living there – ensuring they can self-isolate from other residents,' Women’s Aid says.
www.womensaid.org.uk/

Some charities, such as Women for Refugee Women, have stopped or partially limited face-to-face support to protect their vulnerable women, while shifting to new ways of working – including providing their service over the phone, online, by text or by email.
www.refugeewomen.co.uk/

'Refuge wants to reassure those experiencing abuse that they are not alone. Our services remain open and we have contingency plans in place for all of our services, including refuges, community-based services and the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge,' says Horley. The Helpline has an online contact form, with additional support resources available for survivors, friends and family.

Those at risk can still connect with local Women’s Aid services, and the charity is continuing to support survivors directly through online means including its Live Chat, Survivors Handbook and Survivors Forum.
www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Meanwhile, Chayn provides online support for victims, advice on online safety, mental wellbeing, law and finance. The service will be sharing daily tips through a webchat to advise survivors on collecting evidence and staying safe from surveillance.
chayn.co/

It’s vital at this critical time to check in with family or friends who may be at risk, says a spokesperson for Hestia, a charity that provides services for victims.'Advice and support can be found on Hestia’s Bright Sky app to those experiencing domestic abuse and for those concerned about someone they know.'
www.hestia.org/

If you feel powerless and want to help services under strain, you can donate to always donate to any of these charities too."

www.elle.com/uk/life-and-culture/a31779483/coronavirus-self-isolation-domestic-violence/

Women's Aid tweet:

"Reassured to see ‘charities and workers delivering key frontline services’ are included & will be asking for clarity for VAWG sector today"
twitter.com/womensaid/status/1240898334610636800

Freedom Programme
freedomprogramme.co.uk/index.php

From Women's Aid joint VAWG sector statement on Covid-19 20/3/2020

"Help and support
England
8The Freephone, 24hr National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247* or www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/Contact-us
Rape Crisis services – www.rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/
National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0800 999 5428
Men’s Advice Line – a confidential helpline, email and webchat service for male victims of domestic abuse: 0808 801 0327 or www.mensadviceline.org.uk.
The Mix, free information and support for under 25s in the UK – 0808 808 4994 · Rights of Women advice lines: www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/advice-lines/
Women’s Aid – including Live Chat, email, the Survivors Forum and local services: www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/
Respect Phoneline – a confidential helpline, email and webchat service for domestic abuse perpetrators and those supporting them: 0808 8024040 or www.respectphoneline.org.uk

Northern Ireland

The 24 hr Domestic and Sexual Abuse helpline is open to women and men affected by domestic abuse or violence. This free telephone service is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year:

Phone: 0808 802 1414 (Freephone) · Email: [email protected]
Local services: www.womensaidni.org/get-help/local-groups/

Scotland
Scotland’s 24hr Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline: 0800 027 1234 or www.sdafmh.org.uk/
Rape Crisis Scotland: National Helpline on 08088 01 03 02 (6pm to midnight, 7 days a week) or www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/
Further support and local services: www.mygov.scot/domestic-abuse/support-for-female-victims/

Wales
The Live Fear Free helpline provides advice, support and referrals 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year to anyone affected by violence against women, domestic abuse or sexual violence in Wales. You can contact the Live Fear Free Helpline on:

Telephone: 0808 80 10 800 · Live Chat Service: gov.wales/live-fear-free
Text: 078600 77 333
Email: [email protected]
Local services: www.welshwomensaid.org.uk/information-and-support/find-your-local-service/

www.womensaid.org.uk/vawg-sector-statement-on-covid-19/

stumbledin · 24/03/2020 16:33

I'm sorry put your post just illustrates the point I was making!

Thelnebriati · 24/03/2020 16:37

That post has to cover 4 countries and not everyone needs the same type of help. Confused

tryingtoprep · 24/03/2020 16:46

I'm sorry OP. It's a horrible situation to be in at the best of times. Fleeing DV would count as essential travel but I know it's not so easy. Services are so stretched without taking Covid into account. Is there anywhere else you could possibly stay? I know that's often not possible.

I've been saying for a while. The Stay Away From Second Homes threads made me think. There's a lot of empty holiday homes, caravan parks, and hotels. Ideal to house women (and any children) escaping abuse. I wonder if any of the domestic abuse charities or anyone in government has considered this. Transport might be tricky. Are taxis still operating? Some kind of voluntary minibus or private car scheme might help.

I0NA · 25/03/2020 08:55

Im sorry put your post just illustrates the point I was making!
@stumbledin

In that case why don’t you compile a better resource and post it, rather than carping at others. Or is this just a pathetic attempt to derail the OPS thread and deflect attention from this important issue?

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