BBC Scotland documentary tonight about rough sex and link to porn

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-51967295

I just don't understand why so many young men put their own gratification ahead of all concerns about their partner's safety and wellbeing, never mind her sexual pleasure. We need a big public health campaign (I know, I know, it won't happen any time soon) to make women realise they can say no and that it would be a good idea to state explicitly in advance that they are not up for any of this porn-inspired violence and humiliation. We should also be entitled to very strong support from the criminal justice system. Should, but not expecting that it will be forthcoming any time soon.

Thank you Gasp0de! was just coming here to post this.

We've summarised some of the key findings here twitter.com/Wecantconsentto/status/1242002699031384066

This is follow up research to the piece in November last year, where 38% of UK women under 40 - equivalent to 3.6 million women - had experienced unbidden choking, slapping,spitting or gagging in sex.

This time the BBC have spoken to the men - and 71% of men have done this, and a third of them, so a quarter of UK men under 40 have choked, slapped, gagged or spat on partners without previous consent.

Have not seen the doc but the journo Myles made the panorama piece on pick up artists and I believe is an excellent lad.

Will try to catch up with it on iplayer.

Oops I posted another thread on this.

I'm pleased this was reported but I was taken aback that nowhere in the article did it mention that doing this stuff without consent is sexual assault/ assault.

I thought that was a massive oversight.

The first story it should have said this is illegal, but what it had was a quote from the victim saying she felt maybe it was her fault.

Any views on why they might have done that in the report? It feels like normalising it almost, saying well it's bad but shit happens.

Good the porn link was made so strongly though.

Beetroot , I'm glad the porn link was made, too.
To me, I think the link to pornography is just so obvious; it's the elephant in the room, so I don't understand the denial?

Ted Bundy had lots of opinions about porn.

He said:
I've lived in prison for a long time and I've met some men who are motivated to commit violence; just like me and without exception everyone of them was involved in pornography.

it would be a good idea to state explicitly in advance that they are not up for any of this porn-inspired violence and humiliation

I realize this is a very unpleasant thought, but would it make any difference? If the men they're having sex with cared at all about their feelings or wellbeing they would be paying attention to body language, facial expressions etc and would not continue with actions that the women are not responding to in a positive way, but clearly that's not happening.

I agree, Kittens, I doubt it would stop a man who was determined to do this sort of stuff. I didn't express myself very well in that first post, but what I was thinking of was that maybe women who are dating should make a public declaration somewhere that they don't consent to any of this which could later be used in any criminal justice proceedings. Not a pleasant thought at all, but incredibly it seems that some men and their lawyers expect judge and jury to accept that women consent to this stuff.

I think the law should just assume that there is no consent to violent acts unless it can be proven to have been given, rather than requiring proof that it wasn't given. It's the cultural shift towards the idea consent to being hurt or humiliated being assumed (but only for women) that's the problem.

I realize that this is not an easy shift to make and agree that in the short term your idea may be more practical. Though given the way things have been going a court would probably disregard it if the perpetrator said "she told me mid shag that she'd changed her mind, your honor".

I think that's a dangerous road to go down

The list can't be comprehensive, what if he does something not on it?
What if you consent and then withdraw consent while you're with him?
What if you forget to make the dec?
What if you hook up with someone spur of moment, or you've had a few?
What if you are otherwise impaired?
Etc etc

This puts the onus totally on women and gives a million let outs to men.

The starting position should be, and IS, assaulting someone during sex is illegal unless they have consented, and even then some things are not legal.

You're both right, of course. In current conditions if I were 30 years younger and single I think I'd be celibate, tbh.

If I was single I'd be sticking firmly to a "no men under 35" rule, because the impact of porn on the ones younger than that is horrifying.