My 600lb life

[ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings]

Has anyone else seen this show? It's about extremely overweight people trying to lose enough weight for bariatric surgery. I've watched about 10 episodes now, all but 1 have followed the stories of women, and they usually spend the first bit of the show talking about their childhoods and the events that triggered their eating disorders. What's really shocked me (or sadly, maybe it's not so shocking) is that every single one can trace their problem back to a history of male violence and sexual abuse, usually both. Violence by a father or step father, then often later by a boyfriend or husband as well, and most of them have been raped or sexually assaulted multiple times by multiple men. Some describe eating as a coping mechanism and a comfort, others say they deliberately tried to get big enough to fight off their abusers, or to stop men wanting to rape them. It's a really hard watch. And the saddest bit is that every woman I've watched so far has blamed their mum for the abuse. Blamed them for getting together with or staying with these men, blamed them for not knowing about or protecting them from the abuse. So far only one woman has also laid any blame with her father, and as far as I know none of these men have faced any consequences whatsoever, no prosecutions or anything. The similarities between these stories are so numerous, it's really heartbreaking. I wonder how many problems women experience in their lives - whether it's eating disorders, substance abuse, crime, poor education and job prospects, mental health problems etc - can be traced back to abuse by men. I know that it took me until my late 20s to really process how many of my self destructive behaviours were being driven by the emotional legacy of the childhood abuse from my own father. Just thinking out loud really :(

I haven't seen the programme. I take your point that the primary blame rests with the abuser but parents have a duty to safeguard their children.

It is entirely understandable that victims will blame and be angry with a female parent who puts an abuser before her children. And that all too often does happen.

There is a tendency on this board to put mothers up on a pedestal- I've seen so many posts about how amazing it is that women are the life-givers/ women can grow brand new human beings. It's not enough though is it- "growing a brand new human being" if women then turn a blind eye to the abuse of that brand new human being.

I have seen it and seen peple loose the weight. Good luc to them. Not everyone blames their family.

..Not everyone blames their family.

Eh?

Not saying that your point isn’t overall valid but I’ve watched multiple episodes of this show and have only seen one woman on it, the rest of the episodes I’ve seen have been men and nobody blamed their parents for them being overweight

I wonder how many problems women experience in their lives - whether it's eating disorders, substance abuse, crime, poor education and job prospects, mental health problems etc - can be traced back to abuse by men

An awful lot, sadly. About half the women in our prisons have brain injuries as the result of domestic violence.

Eating disorders that lead to obesity are not unlike alcohol or heroin addiction - they are a way of coping with trauma. Roxane Gay's book Hunger is a fine and depressing example of this. She was gang-raped at 12 and from then on just ate and ate.

I've got a friend who is big. She was reaped by her brother. She always says to me. I stay this way so no man looks at me

It's so sad. She's such a beautiful person. Inside and outside to me.

She always says to me. I stay this way so no man looks at me

That is one of the saddest things I have ever read on here. It’s not surprising, but sobering .

I do watch My 600lb life and it strikes me as well that the compulsive eating is triggered by trauma and/or childhood abuse. Some people’s backgrounds are horrendous.

I've watched one episode. It was simply horrendous. The childhood trauma was huge and glossed over. She needed surgery as an emergency route to weight loss, but more than that she needed help. I felt I was watching someone so terribly vulnerable having her abuse inadvertently by being filmed (in bed, not able to be properly dressed, pretty degrading circumstances). I've never been able to watch another episode. That woman is etched on my mind forever. I know the link between body control and eating, but seeing it so starkly obvious was awful. I felt it was like watching someone die and not helping them. I felt very helpless after it.

It’s such a sad show. Only seen a few but they are in such physical pain (even rolling over in bed is impossible) and there is clearly some sort of personal trauma going on

The last one I saw he had a totally normal childhood until he was about 7 and his parents drifted into drug addiction and he and his siblings were severely neglected. He was financially supporting his family from about the age of 15. Going to school full time and then working in a fast food shop for 7 hours each night after school. Just all heartbreaking.

Childhood trauma ripples through the generations.

I watch it and have been struck by the same thing. It's very sad. Bar covid-19 I'd say we are heading the same direction in terms of people getting that big. And you'll never then have a normal life again.

That's the same one I watched with a man on it Lynn.

To whoever said it, I think reducing it to "blaming it on their parents" is unfairly dismissive. Every person I've seen on the show has had, at the root of their eating disorder, trauma from their childhood and usually beyond. For the women I've seen that trauma has so far been almost exclusively linked to violence, abuse, and sexual assault by men. Maybe I just haven't seen enough episodes but the similarities between the stories were so striking to me. The one I watched yesterday was about a mother and daughter. The mother had grown up with a violent father, then a sexually abusive step father, then left home into a violent marriage as a teenager, then ended up with a man who got her addicted to drugs. Her daughter had witnessed her being beaten by her father, then been raped by a friend as a teenager. Another one was about a woman who had been sexually abused as a child and then raped twice as an adult by 2 different men in unrelated incidents. It just really got me thinking about how many people are carrying around unresolved trauma with them, and how often for women that trauma could probably be traced back to men.

I agree that of course the mothers aren't perfect, in several episodes it's clear that the mothers have enabled the men to keep abusing their daughters by turning a blind eye and it's only naturally that there would be a lot of anger towards them. But from what I've seen the blame seems to be disproportionately placed on the mother. Of course I'm sure lots gets lost in editing.

Also agree with pp who said that it can be really hard viewing as often the footage can feel very exploitative. I tend to skip over quite a bit of it tbh, like scenes of them eating or bathing which seem to be there just for "shock" factor. But I think the stories of how they got to that point are really interesting. The dynamic in the romantic relationships are fascinating as well.

The dynamics of the romantic relationships are upsetting too. So many of them are lumbered with feeders but it’s all got to the stage where they need them for physical care. I can’t wrap my head around it.

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings
To whoever said it, I think reducing it to "blaming it on their parents" is unfairly dismissive.

Did you mean me and my post? I am thinking that you are. If you’re not, I apologise. If you did, though, what I posted was: (from the episodes I’ve seen) have been men rather than women and none of them blamed their parents for them being overweight.

What I meant was that its not so much the women saying "I blame my dad for making me gain weight" and more "I blame my trauma for me developing an eating disorder as a coping mechanism". The cause of the trauma is different for each patient, but the result of the eating disorder is always extreme weight gain. In all the female ones I've watched, the source of the trauma was male violence.

Ok I understand, but the episodes I have seen have been mainly about overweight men, I’ve only seen a couple of episodes featuring overweight women so the argument is already redundant from the start (from my POV). Even so, none of the episodes I watched including the men blamed their parents for the reason of their being overweight.

I’m not going to discuss it anymore because even though I think I’m right I also think it’s a horrible thing to (in a way) to try and defend.

I do think you have a point that a lot of the childhood trauma is due to male violence. Fucks everything up.

The dynamics of the romantic relationships are upsetting too. So many of them are lumbered with feeders but it’s all got to the stage where they need them for physical care. I can’t wrap my head around it.

Often their partners struggle when they do lose weight and become more independent.

They often seem to live in poverty too. I presume just their medical bills are paid in return for filming as when they move to Houston they still seem to live very modestly. I find it uncomfortable watching not least because they often seem very immature in their outlook.

Childhood trauma is behind much of it, though in some cases, the women are already huge before the sexual abuse/rape happens. I do have to wonder about the parents--your 5 year old weighs 100 pounds and you don't notice? Some of the people on the show seem to have other mental health issues (outside of their food addiction).