What can I do?

[greywoollyjumper]

I've learned so much from this board about the GRA and from the links posted which is amazing (so thank you for sharing) but I'm now so worried that it's literally keeping me awake at night. I just can't believe that women who (due to their physical differences from men) are at risk of rape, domestic abuse, discrimination at work etc. are being told that there is NO difference between them and trans women (let's just ignore inconvenient truths like biology) and that we therefore have to accept trans women (the majority of whom I understand don't actually undertake any surgery) into women only safe spaces, onto women only shortlists, into women's sports. And anyone asking questions is called transphobic?! It beggars belief and I just find it all completely terrifying.

So my question is - what can I do? Are there any positives steps I can take, organisations I can support? Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

I would really recommend finding a local group to meet with. It's a real relief to have other women to sit a have a glass of wine/cup of tea with and talk about this stuff. Many local groups are already making real inroads with their MPs/schools/organisations/councils so you can join in and help them out. It's not always easy to find the right people, I found my local group by searching on Twitter.

Email MPs. Doesn’t matter if you are a constituent or not, your email will still get read. Raise concerns and also thank them when you see an MP being supportive. I send lots of emails. Most get ignored, but the odd one does get a bit of action and I’ve seen myself being quoted (when I hadn’t received a personal response!) so I know they do have some sort of impact, even if minimal.

I often feel helpless too @greywoollyjumper I work in a very woke field & would lose my job if I were openly GC

Talk to the ppl you know & trust. My family have gone from ‘god there goes kit again about that trans malarkey which isn’t a big deal in the great scheme of things’ to ‘bloody hell this is outrageous’

Write to your MP, respond to local consultations about changes to policy around single sex spaces

Just being here & joining in shows that this is not just a tiny number of stroppy women, this is the majority of women and we continue to grow x

My action for today is to check the Equal Opportunities policies for schools in my area, they frequently misrepresent the protected characteristic of 'sex' and write 'gender' instead. So I'm emailing them politely to explain why this is problematic.

( and unlawful)

Write to your MP about the new RSE curriculum for a start, as ‘gender identity’ is very much being pushed into schools.
twitter.com/cupwomenspledge/status/1235543391980511239?s=21

Sign this.

www.change.org/p/the-rt-hon-elizabeth-truss-mp-minister-for-women-and-equalities-women-uniting-call-on-the-government-to-protect-our-sex-based-rights?

Thanks so much for the suggestions!

@definitelygc - I've found a local feminist group on Facebook so have joined that

@rogdmum will email my MP for sure.

@Kit19 I understand where you're coming from - my industry isn't woke but the majority of our my friends are so don't feel like I have anyone to speak to which is really frustrating.

Oops posted too soon.

@Lollygaggles the first school I looked up referred to the protected characteristic of "gender"! 🙄 Do you work from a pro forma email or have you just come up with your own wording?

@MrsSnippyPants thanks will look up that link and have signed the petition 👍🏼

oh yes - always amend gender to sex on forms where it's being used incorrectly

My family have gone from ‘god there goes kit again about that trans malarkey which isn’t a big deal in the great scheme of things’ to ‘bloody hell this is outrageous

My mother was astonished that I was not 'fully accepting' the identity of the teenager in our extended family who is trans. 'What if was one of your children, you wouldn't be saying it was awful then?' When I said too right I would think a double mastectomy was an awful option at 18, she was genuinely shocked -- not because she thinks that's a bigoted thing to say but because she had no idea the surgery had already happened.

She had muddled it up in her mind with homosexuality and thought transman was just a new way of saying lesbian. No clue what shit these young girls are being put through.

Hello! Write, write, write! Especially to your MP. The pen is mightier than the sword.

That's what I'm doing. They don't have to be perfect essays or include every single salient point. If you're pushed for time, a couple of key points or questions and click send. An email sent is an email received in a person's or organisation's inbox and shows an additional person is concerned.

Dodo I think that is so often the case. Most people just dont understand what the issue is. They think it's just about being nice to a tiny handful of fully adult men and women who do everything they can to present as the opposite sex and just want a quiet life.

They've no idea that teenagers are being facilitated to make life altering decisions before they're even old enough to legally drink or that most TW have no surgery at all and remain fully intact males or that self ID opens all female spaces to men who self ID as women because they 'feel' like a woman (however that feels). It took me a while to get it through to my family - the whole idea that someone is a woman because they say they are is so evidently batshit that they had no idea they were meant to take it literally

@DodoPatrol you're absolutely right that people just don't know the details of all this and there's a huge amount to be gained just by creating awareness. Last week I explained to a group of friends what a FTM sex change involved and they couldn't believe it. They genuinely thought it was a simple surgery, a few testosterone injections and then you're magically transformed into a man.

I love this kid, that's the thing. I am bitterly sorry that we all just grinned at her wild-child blue hair and tomboy adolescence, and didn't guess that her parents' split and dad's serious illness might precipitate her into this in her late teens.

And I'm permanently torn up as the detransitioners' stories start to emerge, because in many ways it's already too late for her.

Yes, I use 'him' and the new name in real life. No way does she actually pass for a boy, though, even with testosterone and surgery. Very feminine face and hips.

@DodoPatrol my heart goes out to your family member and to you all. It must be such a difficult thing to watch.

Does anyone know if other MPs been asked to sign the trans pledge or just leadership contestants? Just wondering if there's some way of checking if my MP has stuck his head above the parapet either way.

@DodoPatrol that sounds awful, I really feel for your family member and hope they don't come to regret their decision.

@greywoollyjumper I coud have written your op myself... these issues feel like they have come to a head in recent weeks and I find myself thinking about it all constantly. It was disappointing to see the way that IWD was hijacked yesterday.

In terms of doing something practical about it, I am currently volunteering with my local Women's Aid, which I love, and hope to apply for a paid position should the opportunity arise. However, I feel I cannot voice my concerns regarding the whole self ID issue to anyone there as it is policy that they "offer support to anyone who identifies as female". As far as I know they have not yet had to deal with this (small Scottish town) but the notion that the women I support in refuge may have to attend groups, which are intended to be safe space alongside men makes me really upset. Many of the service users and staff are survivors of sexual violence. I just cannot get on board with this trans-inclusivity and as a result my DH ends up listening to all my rants as it feels like there is nowhere else to vent! I don't share anything like this on FB as I have some Women"s Aid friends on there.

Las week ds came home from school with an NHS consent form for the HPV vaccine asking for his gender. I put a line through it and wrote 'sex' instead. It's quietly creeping in everywhere!

We can only hope that more and more people come to see sense over time and like Dodo says, keep raising awareness. DH has read Everyday Sexism in the last week which feels like one small victory at least!

I am off to email my MP, something I should really have done ages ago. Let's keep going!

I've just checked the equal opportunities policy at my work. It refers to gender. I work at a law firm. This surely can't be accidental? I'm not sure if I'm brave (stupid?!) enough to raise it with the HR director but just in case, has anyone seen a summary anywhere that they can point me to, setting out why it is problematic to use the the word "gender" instead of "sex"?

@RosieHen thanks for your post and glad it's not just me. That's amazing that you're volunteering for Women's Aid 👏🏼 Such a shame that it doesn't feel like a safe space for you to discuss your views given that the service users are the very people who could be most affected. Luckily these boards exist!

I'd love to volunteer but it's not the right time for me as I'm currently pregnant, although I hope to do something in the future. In the meantime I'll get on to MP and local school. And look out for other ways to show my support.

I've tried talking to my DH about this too but he's a bit of a bury head in sand type person unless it directly affects him or loved ones which this doesn't...yet. So that's brill that you have DH as a sounding board.

www.writetothem.com/ Is brilliant for finding your representatives

Talk to other people it’s a joy to find someone as enraged as you are & keep talking onto people who are only beginning their journey three years I have been on at my mother about this THREE & all of a sudden she is furious & getting her book club to complete the consultation!

Sign petitions, show your support on SM, complete the Scottish consultation (you don’t need to be in Scotland) excellent guidance here forwomen.scot/

Bung some money at GC groups/court cases as & when you can.

Hand out leaflets or just leave them places.

Become a #stickerwomen

@greywoollyjumper I am absolutely loving the volunteering, would definitely recommend it, the training and support has been brilliant throughout. I followed the FB page of my local Women's Aid (set it to 'see first') and responded to an advert for volunteers when one came up.

My DH was a head-in-the sand type too but seems much more aware recently, maybe things are finally getting through to him

Some great suggestions there, I have filled in the Scottish consultation but didn't know about writetothem.com, so thank you @Gibbons.