Gendered baby clothes

[TeiTetua]

I saw an article about how difficult it actually is to find clothes for babies that aren't printed with stereotyped designs for girls or boys, or made with excess decorations (I suppose that's just for girls). The author raises the question of why people seem to want this kind of thing, and suggests that it has something to do with modern testing that lets parents know the sex (shouldn't be "gender", of course) of their babies before birth. Maybe that's it, I don't know.

www.vox.com/the-highlight/2020/2/12/21078915/gender-neutral-clothing-baby-clothes-target-gap

Finding clothes that match your gender identity is fraught,

The author should try finding clothes when you don’t even have a gender identity!

(Hint: it’s a lot easier if you just select the bits you like most from the range that fits you. Or alternatively, learn to sew)

I found out my son was a boy while pregnant and wasn't compelled to buy a bunch of "boy" clothes. I had to look carefully but it was much easier to find "neutral" clothes when he was a baby, as he's grown it's got harder and harder. So I think that shows that it's nothing do with scans or science and everything to do with the mounting social pressure to fit boys and girls into neat gendered boxes from birth onwards.

I'm pretty sure that gendered clothes (and other products) have been driven by marketing and the media, then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of people wanting what they see and marketers claiming they are simply meeting demand.

My son was born in 1990. Nobody knew what sex you were going to get. The scans then showed there was some sort of blob with a pulse but frankly it could have been a baby Alien.

I had an amniocentesis because of potential risk of Down's syndrome. The midwife asked me if I wanted to know the sex because obviously they could definitely tell from the amnio results and I said no. I didn't know until I heard the "it's a boy!!!".

I had loads of new born size hand me downs from my best friend whose daughter was 4 months older. Some of them had originated from her sister-in-law's slightly older boy.

I remember being so upset that people were already attributing certain traits to my daughter before she was born. In hindsight it was a mistake to let people know.

We mainly bought gender neutral items with the odd 'girly' piece included. Every single thing my In laws bought was pink... It's so incredibly boring!

Two years later she still has toys and clothes in a good variety of styles and colours, I think it was worth standing firm on this one.

The author should try finding clothes when you don’t even have a gender identity!

I agree, it's really hard to find clothes as a non-binary person that I'm comfortable in :)

I think there are a few things going on. There used to be more non-gendered baby clothes because many people did not know what the baby would be. So that is part of it.

There is also fewer children so less need to pass down clothing, more wealth, and manufacturers like to sell more which is easier if there are two types of baby clothing.

To some extent I found it easier to indicate to people if my babies were boys or girls through clothing. For some reason some people find it upsetting if the guess a baby's sex wrong and I found it simple enough to avoid that. People always passed on enough clothing of the relevant type to make that possible. It avoided people apologising for mis-sexing the babies which always made me embarrassed.

People have been saying this since my kids were born twenty years ago, and it really isn’t difficult to buy gender neutral clothing.

I’m not also convinced by the whole argument that we dress kids to make a statement to others and that kids are a blank state who can become anything if left to it.

Kids are going to be massively influenced by the world. Parents generally introduce their kids to things the parents like and value, and generally, kids turn out like their parents. And we dress small children in what we like because we look at them all the time.

The writer who likes the Ramones and gender neutral; her kid isn’t growing up to be Donald Trump. He’s growing up to be someone his parents will get on with.

For the feminist angle, more and more I think all this clothing stuff is a small issue. The big issue is bring boys up to respect women and girls.

For the feminist angle, more and more I think all this clothing stuff is a small issue. The big issue is bring boys up to respect women and girls.

Yup, me too. I think it's pretty unimportant what your baby or kid wears in terms of growing up to respect others, or how they feel about women or sex. Maybe the most important thing is for them to realise that wearing clothes you don't like sometimes isn't violence to your identity.

I agree, it's really hard to find clothes as a non-binary person that I'm comfortable in

I can imagine.

I once pestered and badgered my mum into sewing me a replica Shakespeare’s Sister skirt between seeing it on Top Of the Pops and our local Indie Disco 24 hours later.

Life is much easier now I no longer give a fig how anyone perceives me and I have grown up enough to be comfortable in my own skin.

Gender free is marvellous.

Both my kids were mostly dressed in black or tie dye, courtesy of those 7 packs of popper vests and babygros and the whole range of Dylan.

One’s inner goth never truly dies.

There is also fewer children so less need to pass down clothing, more wealth

The reason baby clothes were being passed around in my circle in the 1990s had nothing to do with lack of wealth.

All big supermarkets sell white vests and sleep suits, what other clothes does a baby need?
yellow and green hats, socks and blankets are easy to find.

I’m now remembering a tiny yellow sex pistols t shirt (with envelope neck).

My little one is 15m and I find it hard to find non-girly clothes for her. I usually end up buying 'boys' clothes that aren't too boy-ish, ie haven't got any 'little dude' slogans or similar on them. It does piss me off to be honest... I suppose I don't want people to see her as a little princess who wants to be pretty, because I don't want her to think being pretty is the one thing for her to aspire to. I'm curious to see what her preferences will be once she's old enough to voice them.

My little one is 15m and I find it hard to find non-girly clothes for her

I'm puzzled by this. Your baby is 15 months old- buy clothes you like that fit. Boden don't seem to even bother with boys or girls categories.

I had a look at Gap- whilst they have a search facility for boy or girl there is plenty of "non - girly" clothes - if you mean frills and bows. I'm not sure what "non boyish" clothes would even be. You can just search "baby wear"- if you discount the dresses most of their stuff is not gender specific.

I had a look at Kath Kidston and they followed the same approach as Gap.

www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/baby-view-all#nav

Baby clothes are far less gendered than they were even a couple of years ago. Even in somewhere like tesco, the colours are mainly neutral. My little granddaughter is wearing mostly greens, greys, blues, yellow and so on. Even the pinks this season have been dusky grey/pinks.

I was really pleased to see what a difference a couple of years has made. There was a sea of pink until recently, but there's no way anyone can be judgy of most stores now.

I know a few first born baby girls aged under 1 and they're all always dressed in pink and lilac. It's so predictable and boring. And doesn't even suit some of them. I know another girl who is slightly older - toddler - and she looks fab in lots of navy, red, mustard and baby blue. She has an older brother but even the dresses and skirts she has are in these colours and not pink, purple etc. I love her look!

Look - even Asda has mostly neutral stuff. There's no candy pink princess stuff here to speak of

direct.asda.com/george/baby-girl/D5M10G1,default,sc.html?cm_sp=Desktop--grgbaby--George--box01--191031link01shopgirls&start=40&sz=20

Sainsbury
tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/c/baby/baby-girl-clothes?q=%3AnewArrivals%3Atype%3ASleepsuits%3Atype%3ADresses&page=1&size=24

I don't know where you've been shopping OP, but it's almost difficult to find girly pink now.

I didn't find out what I was having and made a conscious effort not to buy gendered clothes, even after they were born. I found that other people gave me all the kinds of clothes I had been trying to avoid anyway.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of people seem to want to buy very gendered clothing. I wish we could do away with it all.

Pink denim boiler suit! Sadly not my size (ages 5-14 inc)

direct.asda.com/george/kids/dresses-outfits/pink-denim-boiler-suit/GEM733812,default,pd.html?cgid=D25M2G1C1

To be unpopular I'd just volunteer the who actually gives a shit question? Most newborn clothes come in a standard white? Most parents 99.9% aren't buying into the 'non gender' brigade... Sooo?

Gendered baby clothes irritate me and other people I know but there are bigger issues to worry about. Maybe the reason people buy into it is because they aren’t given much of an alternative. I remember trying to buy my eldest daughter plain denim coloured jeans at 6 months old and finding it almost impossible to find something that didn’t have some sort of pink embroidery or bows or frills so bought some from the boys section. They grow out of clothes so quickly, there’s not much point getting wound up about it but if shops offered more variety, they might people bought different colours.

The reason baby clothes were being passed around in my circle in the 1990s had nothing to do with lack of wealth.

100 years ago people had fewer clothes all round.

What a PP said about people misgendering babies - it makes people incredibly uncomfortable. I have a son who everyone thought was a girl as a baby, and a girl who everyone is a boy 🤷🏼‍♀️ and I must admit that I will add something pink to the sea of navy blue, light blue and grey I dress her in (all hand me downs from her boy cousins and older brother) often just to avoid the inevitable “oh he’s lovely!” Comments followed by weirdly embarrassed back tracking.

But there are plenty of amazing gender neutral clothes in all the high street shops, it’s not hard!

"I think all this clothing stuff is a small issue. The big issue is bring boys up to respect women and girls."

They're not separate issues. Clothing might seem minor but it's important. Some children's clothes have ridiculous slogans on them which send unhealthy messages about gender stereotypes and the roles of boys and girls. Side-by-side comparisons of boys' and girls' clothes show that girls' clothes are smaller (when children of the same age are still roughly the same size), the cut is more fitted/tight, with shorter shorts, shorter sleeves, etc. How is it ok to teach girls of any age - let alone such a young age - that the clothes they wear are supposed to show off their bodies?!