Employers not expecting men to take time off for sick children

[RainbowFlowers]

It really bugs me that it's not the norm for men to take time off when their children are sick. My husband is a mechanic and I can just imagine his boss's attitude if my husband needed time off to look after our son. My gripe is at employers. I think it's difficult as an individual to go against the grain.

I work self employed so not only is it a massive financial hit if I take time off it also gets in the way me maintaining a good working relationship with my clients.

My DP has never had a problem. He is entitled to emergency parental leave, just as I am.

My DH takes more emergency sick leave/dependants leave than I do. Most employers have a policy that's for all parents not just mums

might just be your DH employer - I mean, there'll be others, but generally I see lots of men taking time off for care of a sick child.

what's in your DH contract?

It does depend on the employer, but yes these attitudes exist and are sexist. I've heard men ask for time off for sick children or appointments, only to be asked "can't their mum take them"?
Whereas, women are usually allowed.
It perpetuates these jobs being women's jobs, but it's the employers that need to change, and the dads that need to keep pushing.

I agree. It's not so much men aren't allowed, more that a lot of them just don't. They have a part time working / SAH or they get their own parents to do it.

I hate the "whose work is most important today?" Arguments that I used to have withexH when kids were ill.

Things have to change I think. We can't function as a society if care work isn't factored in to employment, because there are less and less people able to be in the luxurious position not to work and therefore be available to do the care for free.

I agreed with Labours 4 day week proposal in the last election, it would make everything a lot easier

I have a number of mechanics in my family and they all would take time off to take care of the kids. One is married to a doctor who works long hours so he’s the one to do the bulk of pick ups / drop offs. I think if you are a strong (as opposed to a weak) personality you can usually get what you want at work.

My DP is usually the one to take the time off for ds. We both work in the NHS but he is much easier to cover (hes a support worker) than I am as a nurse so it makes more sense for him to take it off. We're lucky that our senior manager is very understanding though.

Is it the employer's fault?
It's highly unlikely an employer would rule that men can't take time off (but women can).
Men need to want to parent enough to make career choices that support equal parenting. Rather than shrugging their shoulders and blaming others.
That may involve taking the less interesting, less well paid, less 'impressive' job that is more flexible. You know, like millions of women have.

Shared parental leave is now available to millions of fathers. A tiny proportion of fathers have chosen to take it up.

We are very, very far from equality. Whether in terms of pay, employment, who stays at home, who works part-time, who takes a hit on their income/savings/pension, who faces bankruptcy in middle age (women mostly, apparently).

So OP do you share the time off? As that's the way to make the change happen.
My dh and I share but he has indeed been asked why I can't do the childcare/appointment etc.

Afraid your DH is going to have to step up and ask. Does he know what policies are officially in place where he works?

It's highly unlikely an employer would rule that men can't take time off (but women can).

It's highly unlikely that it's a rule.
In my experience it's always manager's decisions. Which can of course be overuled, if pushed to HR (if there is a HR). But there is negative pressure on the employee.

As fate would have it I have the care of my DS after a severe bout of vomiting, and I’m a man. Honestly any excuse to spend time with him quite frankly! I’m self employed so I’ll just have to play with my schedule.