Gender confused daughter

[funkstar525]

My daughter came out as bi and trans aged 15. It was out of nowhere and I immediately felt something wasn't right. I soon learned there were 3 other girls identifying as trans in her school year. I didn't affirm but my biggest mistake was allowing her to go through the NHS gender clinic, who I found out later, affirms. Fast forward 6 years and she is now 21, dating a guy and has found distraction in music and different social circles. Had I listened to the Mermaids propaganda and did what the gender clinic told me, she would have been on T (prescribed after just 5) sessions and having a double mastectomy.

There was no obvious alternative info and I found what I did by chance. How do we get information out there to parents to enable to them to encourage watchful and supportive waiting? The maturity my daughter shows now, compared to her at 15 is worlds apart. They say the pre frontal cortex doesn't fully mature until mid 20s. This would make sense.

How can I let other parents know that the lobby groups agenda is to affirm and push them down this pathway? How can I reach other parents (anonymously as my daughter would not approve). Ideas welcome.

I think there needs to be a website that covers everything on this subject. There doesn't seem to be one

Come join www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/ (or @BaysWaterGP) on Twitter. We are a group of parents who take a more cautious approach towards our children’s GI issues.

Our Duty is another good group: @OurDutyGrp on Twitter or www.facebook.com/ourdutygrp/

Both groups are very active and welcome new members- we’re a friendly bunch and would love more parents who have been through it to join!

Sorry, it’s @BayswaterSG on Twitter!

Strength in numbers. Another one to suggest @OurDutyGrp

Transgender Trend is very informative and supportive website with lots of information for concerned parents and teachers:
www.transgendertrend.com

It's so important that parents have access to enough neutral and unbiased information to support their gender non conforming children.

We have to keep talking to each other, keep sharing our stories, keep supporting each other so we can do our absolute best for our children.

Most trans-identifying children and young people will desist if their options are kept open.

Another source of support is www.parentsofrogdkids.com

My dd had pushed by her friends to come out as trans at school. If I only knew what I know now I would have been able to cope better. I wish all parents especially those of small kids to be aware of this trans trend and shield their children from it. I found great support on Twitter from other parents and together we are trying to help our kids with making them permanent patients

I’m so glad your daughter has come through unharmed.

We’re dealing with this now with 13 year old Dsd. We’re acknowledging that her feelings are sincere, but remaining sceptical that transition would solve anything.

It seems to be working, with some small chunks of sunshine showing through the gender dysphoria gloom.
I had to couple stuff together through a number of sources but I think it’s understandable as to why parental peer support is largely through anonymous message lists.
I’m hoping that the upcoming judicial review will undermine this authoritarian memorandum of understanding thing and allow mental health professionals to provide wide ranging but gentle talking therapy rather than unquestioning affirmation. Many of the children caught up in this need support for trauma or eating disorders or autism and more.

Is 4th Wave still around?

Fortunately that stuff wasn't around when I had a teenage daughter, but I've read that keeping them off the internet is particularly helpful.

It's almost impossible to keep teens off the internet, and banning the internet may be counter-productive, imo.

TRA's are already whispering in our kids' ears that their parents don't understand, are transphobes, that their 'glitter family' is there for them in a way their own family isn't.

IMO, banning internet just plays into that trope.

My friend's daughter had a ver similar story. At the same age started having issues at school, said she was a lesbian, said she was a boy. Was supported by the gender clinic, and the school, and her church, while the parents were sidelined, though her mother had serious doubts about all of it. Their GP was the only one who really supported the parents and gave them good advice. Daughter out at 18, got a job, got a boyfriend, went back to her old name, claims all of that "wasn't real" though she won't say much other than that.

My friend went back to the school, and the church (which she'd left) and wrote to the gender clinic, but hasn't had anything really back from any of them, other than a "glad to hear she's doing well." But there has never been any place for her to talk or share with other parents in person.

@funkstar525

If I may ask, how far did your daughter take it? What was the process of her growing out of it? When did you notice that she turned the corner?

DD is 14 and came out as trans a couple months ago. I call her by her new name but I've struggled with the pronouns. We have a close and loving relationship and she doesn't have any other issues, thank goodness. Almost all of her female friends at school are trans. I'm really hoping she'll become more comfortable with her body within a few years and would really appreciate hearing stories of other teenagers coming out the other side of gender dysphoria.

Almost all of her female friends at school are trans.

It's a new fashion I suppose. Thanks for sharing this. My kids are all pre teen, so it's good to know what might lie ahead.

said she was a lesbian, said she was a boy

Fairly baffling idea alone that a boy can be a lesbian 🙄. What did the 'counsellors' say about this? 🤷🏻‍♀️

flyingfoxes are you on Twitter? There are loads of detransitioners/desisters on twitter who are happy to talk and a few parents whose children have come through the other side (loads of us dealing with it too).

@rogdmum I am, but I need to stay away from any backlash. I've followed a couple detransitioners though and follow their stories with interest. So glad we don't live in the US anymore, where she would be pushed to start hormones at her age. I feel like she has more of a safe space to explore her feelings about gender here in the UK.

I make liberal use of the block function. I’m mostly there to document our experience. I’m not there to debate anything which really annoys some people but I really don’t care what random strangers think.

@flyingfoxes fortunately her name is shortened so no real name change. She still binds as is very dysphric about her chest. But no hormones or legal name changes etc. She is now 21, 22 in May. GD since around age 15. Therapy didn't work as she saw it as conversion therapy. However, music lessons, being in a relationship with a guy and a new career is helping her more. I believe the corner was turned when she started engaging in new hobbies away from the LGBTQ scene,

That's such an important point funkstar525
These kids are caught up in a cult that consumes them. Parents must try to make sure that their child remains rooted in the real world. That they stay as part of a family, do family things, hobbies, keep hobbies and friendships, go on holiday etc. Anything that keeps them in the real world and minimises the control of unsuitable people grooming them online.