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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Porn what is it good for?

25 replies

Oncewasblueandyellowtwo · 18/01/2020 00:53

Not a TAAT.
Just interested about porn being normal for boys and even girls to 12amwatch it.
Is it though? Is it normal?
(I'm sure a few of you will remember my last thread on this subject a few weeks ago, again I thank you for your kind words and wisdom)
I've read just tonight that it's not unusual for children/teens to watch porn. That it's normal and a part of the world we live in now. Basically everyone does it. Beastiality happens, even though it's bad if a child asks about it in a sex education class they should have an answer that it is illegal and wrong. Should that be it though? Surely you would talk to that student in private and ask about this question and why they asked it?
Am I learning too much about safegaurding from the women in this board and thinking about and asking too many questions?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/01/2020 00:58

Surely you would talk to that student in private and ask about this question and why they asked it?

And run the risk of putting every single child in the class off of asking questions, as they'd worry about being pulled aside by the teacher?

Sometimes kids 'just know' something exists because they've heard about it. If a teacher has gained the trust of their pupils so they're confident enough to ask something in front of a whole class, that's a great thing.

Ensuring they were pulled aside would very probably put them off in future.

theyrazedparadise · 18/01/2020 01:12

Absolutely nothing

(Say it again)

Oncewasblueandyellowtwo · 18/01/2020 01:20

Sometimes kids 'just know' something exists because they've heard about it.
And run the risk of putting every single child in the class off of asking questions, as they'd worry about being pulled aside by the teacher?

WorraLiberty
This is why i posted about this.
Is it a normal thing teens are asking about? I would have thought a child/teenager asking about beastilaity would need more guidelince to talk about why they are asking this? Not just that they heard about it from someone else and that's what happens.
Who did they hear it from? Another child another teenager?

OP posts:
ScapaFlo · 18/01/2020 01:35

I'd never heard of bestiality before I was 20 and joined the army. It was a song we sang on exercise and made up our own rude verses. It was then much later that I realised people actually did have sex with animals - and I was disbelieving. I thought it was just a joke like the old lady who swallowed a fly.

But then I was shocked when someone tried anal on me when I was in my early 20s, I had no idea that it could be considered 'normal'. I thought, given he was an ex public school boy, that he'd probably been buggered himself at school so that's how he learnt about sex.

God I'm so naive

It cannot be normal for 10-12 year olds to have heard of this, surely?

TruthOnTrial · 18/01/2020 02:14

You missed out the hhheeeurgh ! OP.

Porn...hhheeeurgh...what is it good for

Absolutely nothing! (Say it again)

Its not normal, but it is normalised now.

I've heard many words repeated that are meaningless to the child saying them. They have no idea of the horror that they've inadvertently mentioned.

I've been asked things that are inappropriate and the child is not asking about what you think at all!

So I've always just asked something back, like in what way have you heard it used, or what do you think it means, or similar to open the convo up a bit, as they often don't talk on the same level.

Age appropriate! Safeguarding!

Whats happened to parental controls that any 'child' is having access to porn?

Creepster · 18/01/2020 02:21

Oddly enough the only people who claim everybody watches it are people who watch it.
The hundreds of millions of people who have never watched porn never think of it unless it is brought to their attention. Then they are shocked and horrified that children are being groomed for exploitation with it.

BitOfFun · 18/01/2020 02:40

To paraphrase Billy Bragg, it's good for business.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 18/01/2020 02:53

Yes, it’s normal. I’m in my early 20s and “everyone” knew what porn was when I was a teen so this is nothing new.

CharlieParley · 18/01/2020 03:37

I've had extensive chats about this with my boys and the claim that it is completely normal for preteens seems overblown to me. My youngest is 13 and not yet all that interested in girls. (His friendship group are very young compared to others.)

My middle one however was worrying me at the exact same age, to the point where I insisted on meeting the mother of his girlfriend so we could agree some ground rules. I do know he still didn't watch porn at that age, and didn't need or want it either.

An awful lot of talk at this age and throughout the early and midteens is bravado as well. And there is a huge difference between "they've seen porn" and "they watch porn".

I know many kids this age will now have been shown porn or come across it googling. DS3 and me were searching for some children's cartoon when he was about eight or nine, for instance, and what came up was porn created by some sick and twisted bastards using the cartoon characters. He didn't even understand why I was clicking away so fast, but it was obvious to me what it was. (This was despite parental filters.)

That doesn't mean the majority of boys that young watch it regularly. Or that they all know what these extreme practices are unless they are indeed being taught them in school. That's a sure fire way to sexualise children.

However, porn is increasingly an issue because a) it has changed enormously in the last 20 years and many parents remain unaware of this fact. They often think "housewife and plumber" porn and don't get our outrage, but what is on offer now is far far worse.

Hurting, humiliating, denigrating and abusing women was once a fringe interest in easily accessible porn. It is now mainstream, to the point of 95% of porn on the main sites falling into that category.

And b) because of this, it distorts too many older teenage boys' emerging understanding of what real sex is - it isn't a vehicle to have your needs serviced by submissive women who obey your every command or get abused otherwise (without consequence) but a mutually enjoyable activity both partners freely and happily consent to and which stops when either of them doesn't. And which might not happen at all because real women aren't always in the mood, especially if you've behaved like an idiot.

So no, in my opinion it's not normal for younger kids to watch and I remain suspicious of the motives of anyone who claims it is, but it is certainly an issue among older teens. One that we as parents must address in my view.

MangoesAreMyFavourite · 18/01/2020 07:51

Am I learning too much about safegaurding from the women in this board and thinking about and asking too many questions?

Of course! You are being radicalised in this pit of vipers. Get away from the board and back ito the kitchen, woman!!!

(Sorry, I couldn't resist it.)

Mockers2020Vision · 18/01/2020 08:31

Nothing new about kids and porn, but the qulaity and character of what it shows has changed.

The ubiquity of shaved genitals which tends to festishise adolescence and preadolsecence. And one thing you never saw in 70s Mayfaor/Penthouse/Knave etc was a penis. Today's porn is all about that penis (There's another song there) and its godlike status, which the ancient Greeks would say marks us as barbarians.

Babdoc · 18/01/2020 10:44

Minor correction, Mockers - we did have penises in 1970’s porn mags. There was a “Readers’ Husbands” section, alongside the “Readers’ Wives”, where people posted nude pics of their partners. Erections weren’t allowed though!
I agree with a PP who pointed out that 70’s mainstream porn was mostly harmless silly fantasy stuff that couples often read together - the violent misogynist version was not freely available and certainly teenagers would not have been exposed to it. It would have been “under the counter” in specialist shops.
It’s deeply worrying that most young lads’ first formative experience now is viewing violent anti woman porn online. No wonder so many teenage girls are identifying as transmen- it’s probably to try and escape this appalling view of women as submissive victims of violence, in sex acts that hold no prospect of pleasure for them.

Siameasy · 18/01/2020 12:07

I am shocked that it is “the norm” for girls nine and up to be on Instagram in sexualised poses. Because “everyone does it” you “can’t say no”. One girl I’m acquainted with who started all that at 9 now looks about 21 at 13, wearing bra and knickers in photos and the mum has “hearted” the pictures so there is no hope.

This is all part of the same problem. Girls’ toys are sexualised (LOL Surprise-some weird baby with clothes and make up on half adult half child. It’s an offence to make a pseudo photo of a child but that weird hybrid is fine)

At 13 I did have a “boyfriend” and we “snogged”. But this was the 80s and I had never heard of porn.

Oncewasblueandyellowtwo · 18/01/2020 12:10

Mockers
Babdoc
There also seems to be a presumption that women's pleasure wasn't cared about before now.
But I'm sure I've read in here before that wasn't the case?
I don't get it, how is anal supposed to be good for women's pleasure?
Any mainstream porn the woman will be slapped, hair pulled, hands around neck, that's mainstream now.It's for men's viewing pleasure.

CharlieParley
That's good to hear about your son.

And there is a huge difference between "they've seen porn" and "they watch porn".

Seems like a very important distinction.

OP posts:
Mumma1245 · 20/01/2020 12:47

Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do

HorseWithNoTimeForThis · 20/01/2020 12:51

Absolutely nothing

(say it again)

Bugger - beat me to it..

Ikeasucks · 20/01/2020 21:26

And me - sulks 😒

Creepster · 20/01/2020 21:31

Turns out porn is an effective get out of jail free plea for murderers of women and girls.

OhHolyJesus · 20/01/2020 21:41

It's good for Porn Hub Directors and those making a buck.

Micaela64 · 20/01/2020 21:47

A male friend once told me it was more about escapism and stress relief than horniness. It's a drug basically. Endorphins and all that.

babynewt · 21/01/2020 18:39

Really concerning about young women, with a real lack of information and support to make informed decisions about the sort of sex they are happy to consent to. Porn is so damaging to both sexes, but especially to girls and women, feel their should be far more legislation around it, but doubt it is even possible now.

GeraltOfRivia · 21/01/2020 19:09

As to bestiality. Ugh. A video in the genre did the rounds in the 90s. Must have been 98/99 when we first got the internet. The boys were watching it out of morbid curiosity. None of us had had access like that before.

Moonmelodies · 22/01/2020 09:18

There was a Danish woman famous for making bestiality porn back in the 1980's.

Mayomaynot · 22/01/2020 10:37

Exposing children to porn is considered sexual abuse under school safeguarding regulations.

Kazzyhoward · 22/01/2020 10:44

Yes, it’s normal. I’m in my early 20s and “everyone” knew what porn was when I was a teen so this is nothing new.

I'm in my mid 50's - we didn't have the internet when I was a teenager in the 70s at school, but we still knew all about it because of porno mags which were widely passed around. Some were pretty extreme - not just the usual tame "top shelf" stuff, but plenty of the "under the counter" illegal ones showing anal, animals, etc. Even in school text books, if there was, say, a picture of a sheep in a text book, someone would have drawn a man behind it with a huge dick! All the internet has done has made it all "available on demand" in your own home rather than having to know who to ask for it!

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