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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Scots comedian's partner being told to smile

33 replies

glitterboom · 26/12/2019 07:06

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/scots-comedian-limmys-partner-accuses-21152555

Saw this article on FB this morning, the post had over 1k comments, the ones I saw were not favourable to the woman.

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NoNameIsBeingAccepted · 26/12/2019 08:06

She is completely correct on this.

I can imagine the men disagreeing with her are the ones who do this themselves and the women disagreeing enjoy the attention they get from men who do this (or would like to).

SarahTancredi · 26/12/2019 08:14

Peope dont get it. Women are told to smile all the time. God blokes yell it out their van windows.

Sometimes it seems.like harderwork trying to go around the houses pretending you dont see the problem and deliveralty avoiding thinking about it, than it would to just admit yeah maybe she has a point.

LittleReindeer · 26/12/2019 08:20

It is sexist because it’s invariably men who say this to women. It’s also annoying - do they really think they can say “Smile!” and I’ll be like “Yay you fixed all the problems in my life, now I can be happy!” Fuck off, you have no idea what my situation is or why I’m not smiling at this precise second. Apart from anything else it’s impossible to smile constantly! Nobody goes around with a permanent smile.

ElluesPichulobu · 26/12/2019 08:23

of course it's sexist. He most certainly wouldn't tell a passing grumpy-looking bloke to smile. it comes from a place of feeling entitled to benefit from women: that the point of a woman's existence is to be pretty and pleasant and make men feel better. very much sexist. she was right to complain and right to tweet about it.

linking it to suicide awareness is a separate issue and muddies the waters unnecessarily.

but every single tweeter telling her to get a grip and that it was reasonable to tell her to smile is themselves also a sexist arse. There is a lot more misogyny in the world than we would like to think.

SarahTancredi · 26/12/2019 08:24

little

Often when u glare back at them and font smile uts followed up by a "fuck u then"

Dont tell me its innocent when its followed up by Male rejection anger like everything else

tigger1001 · 26/12/2019 08:28

So it's ok for her to post sexist comments, earlier that same day, but then accuse someone else of being sexist?

Can't take anyone seriously when they show that level of hypocrisy.

Iamtooknackeredtorun · 26/12/2019 08:32

I totally agree he wouldn’t say it to a man and therefore it’s sexist. I also find it irritating when it happens. I do think her calling him a ‘prick’ is a bit excessive tho. It was also a bit silly to tweet about sexism the same day she had made a ‘joke’ (which I suppose the security guard would say was all his comment was as well) about men not being allowed in shops at Christmas.

soloula · 26/12/2019 08:39

I have what some people would call a resting bitch face. I've been told countless times over the years to cheer up, smile, it might never happen....ALWAYS by a man. Pisses me off no end.

Interesting theres no male equivalent of resting bitch face. No expectation on men to smile and put a face on in public.

Original poster
glitterboom · 26/12/2019 08:56

I also hate this and have had it happen countless times to me over the years. I also have a resting bitch face.

I did think she was excessive with her prick comment and thought her earlier tweet did not help her case! These detracted from the issue.

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beautifulstranger101 · 26/12/2019 09:03

Its sexist as hell. The only people who have ever told me to smile are creepy, lecherous, sleazy old men. I notice they NEVER say it to other old men, only much younger women.

I also got told to smile the day I was walking to the solicitors to sort out probate following my dad's death. On that occasion I told them where to shove it.

TyneTeas · 26/12/2019 09:09

On being told to smile:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=2TmscdapDHg&feature=youtu.be

81Byerley · 26/12/2019 09:16

Honestly? I've gone through life being wolf whistled at, had men shouting out at me, even been grabbed at on two occasions. Was it right? No. Did it hurt me? No. Did it make me angry? Yes, when I was grabbed. Being told "Smile, it may never happen", does it really matter? The last time someone said that to me, my Mum had just died. I'm certain that my reply to him ("It just has, my Mum died"), made him think twice about ever saying it again to anyone else. I wouldn't have reported him though, why would I? I'm female, confident that I'm equal to any other person in this world, and the last thing I need is someone else sticking up for me and disciplining somebody on my behalf. I'm a feminist, but I'm a strong feminist, and whining about men saying things they'd never say to other men doesn't cut it for me. The hard work for women's rights happened 50 years ago, when women really were treated differently. Now if I hear women complaining about little things, it makes me feel impatient. If you don't like what somebody says or does, quietly call them out on it. In the meantime I will happily walk through doors that are opened for me by men, and I notice that young men will happily walk through doors that I hold open for them. It's nothing to do with being female or male, it's to do with being considerate to others.

HorseWithNoHumbuggery · 26/12/2019 10:13

Honestly?

Yep, honestly.

MorrisZapp · 26/12/2019 10:18

The smile thing absolutely is sexist. How many men have been instructed to smile or cheer up by other men? None, ever.

beautifulstranger101 · 26/12/2019 10:29

In the meantime I will happily walk through doors that are opened for me by men, and I notice that young men will happily walk through doors that I hold open for them. It's nothing to do with being female or male, it's to do with being considerate to others

Holding doors for people has got nothing to do with being told to smile. Holding a door is a courteous thing for any gender to do and is polite and respectful.
Gross old men telling young women to "smile" whilst giving a lecherous stare is not polite, or courteous, nor is it respectful. Its a thinly veiled come on that is disguised as a "compliment". Never in my life would I tell a stranger to "smile" at me when I have no idea what they might be going through in their private life. If I had ever once seen an old man telling another old man to "smile" I would absolutely agree its not sexist, but this literally never happens- why is that? Why dont men say it to other old men if seeing happiness is so important to them? Oh thats right- its because women are meant to be "decorative" to others. Well fck that. I dont exist to decorate their world.

Not to mention, who in the hell goes around smiling all day long anyway? its a ridiculous notion - if a person went around with a huge smile on their face 24/7 people would assume they were creepy and frankly, a tad unhinged.

Melroses · 26/12/2019 10:47

Smile, it may never happen", does it really matter? The last time someone said that to me, my Mum had just died. I'm certain that my reply to him ("It just has, my Mum died"), made him think twice about ever saying it again to anyone else

HA HA That told him. He won't be doing that again!

EveryKingdomOfRain · 26/12/2019 11:47

She is correct about the smile thing. I'd be very surprised if it is said by a man to another man.

However her ridiculous, earlier tweet earlier

EveryKingdomOfRain · 26/12/2019 11:50

Posted too soon- her ridiculous, earlier tweet doesn't help her case as she clearly believes in sexist stereotypes herself.

EveryKingdomOfRain · 26/12/2019 11:52

Although on the smile thing I can't recall it ever happening to me and I'm not a smiley person at all.

MyMajesty · 26/12/2019 12:00

Good for you 81Byerley, you're strong so it's fine to let idiots think their insulting behaviour is totally acceptable and they can carry on inflicting it on others.

81Byerley · 26/12/2019 13:44

@MyMajesty I'm 70. I've probably been through more of this sexist shit in my life than most of you have seen, because it's gone now. I'm not saying it is right. When I was married in 1970, advice in magazines included "An hour before your husband is due home from work, have a bath and renew your make up. No man wants to come home to someone who looks unkempt. Make sure you have his slippers and a drink ready and waiting, and remember to ask him about his day. Do not tell him about any of your problems. As breadwinner, he has more important things to worry about". And don't get me started on advice for when you had a new baby, which included making sure he wasn't disturbed at night by the baby, and getting up early to put on makeup so he wouldn't have to look at you when you weren't at your best.
A dirty old man telling a young woman to smile is sleazy and unpleasant, and I'd focus on that rather than the sexist aspect of it.

Fraggling · 26/12/2019 13:51

Men instructing women and girls to smile is sexist as all fuck.

They are stating their right for the women and girls around them to be pleasing to them visually, and that they are entitled to correct females who transgress.

They can fuck off.

By the way if you don't smile when a man on the street tells you to, sometimes they don't take it very well. Which shows the place that this comes from. Same as all other street harassment. Sexism, and a desire for women and girls to comply.

VMisaMarshmallow · 26/12/2019 14:09

81bye I grew up being raped, sometime nightly, some times by more than one rapist up until I hit puberty. I’ve gone through more than my share of misogyny since also, revicitimisation being the common pattern after all. The ‘smile’ comments by men to women are definitely misogynistic, it’s not the same thing as the abuse I suffered but it’s part of the same problem the same way commenting on a poc skin being too dark isn’t the same as slavery but is part of the same problem of racism. It’s perfectly possible not to be massively effected by ‘smile’ comments and still see them for what they are, an unfair misogynistic double standard.

MyMajesty · 26/12/2019 14:17

81Byerley yes I know. I got married in 1971.
Sleazy, unpleasant, sexist - it's all part of the same thing.