This is going to be controversial, but I think it's relevant:
I'm desperatly afraid of failure. I've been desperately afraid of failure for as long as I can think. And, yes, in my teens this meant self-harm and arguably an undiagnosed eating disorder. As an adult it has meant other stuff. I'm possibly the world's best postee child for imposter syndrome.
Here's where the controversial part comes in: my panic of failing is also my biggest asset. It's what motivates me to do better when literally nothinh else will anymore and I'm ready to throw the towel. I wish it weren't this way, but it is. I wish I were just inherently ambitious instead, but I'm not.
And, here comes the possibly horrifying part: it's worked like a charm for me. I've had one hell of a run in my career. I easily outrank people who've been in my line of work for twice as long and more.
This would simply be personal if it were only me - but it isn't. It's something I've come across in successful women over and over again. And in a significant minority of typically not overtly masculine men, too.
When I coach or mentor people, it's something I'm radically honest about (javing had the immense privilege of a mentor - a man in my case - who did the same for me). My advice is never to try and overcome your fear. I'm operating under the assumption that this is not a feasible option for most people affected. My advice is to get a solid grasp on reality, learn to tell the difference between what you think you are and what the rest of the world is likely to see in you, learn not to beat yourself up for having a good sob in the loo ahead of going into a meeting to negotiate the deal of your lifetime and to learn to a) recognise the fear as irrational but part of you and b) harness its power to make you more than you thought you could be out of sheer desperation over the notion you could not be good enough.
The first mentee I've ever given that talk is a senior exec. in her own right at this point and I'm immensely proud. The person who mentored me back in my days is unimaginably successful these days and I'm equally very, very proud.
Told you, this was going to be controversial!
Having said that, I'm not advocating for fear of failure. I'm advocating for radical self-acceptance and for the proposition that this should include acceptance of this fear and recognising its potential as a deiving force.
And, yes, my teens were utter shit!