Why are men always bloody muscling in?

[Ozgirl75]

I go to a women’s gym. It’s lovely. Friendly, calm, no one hogging machines etc. All the trainers, in fact all the staff are women.
Customers are mainly older women, middle aged mums (me), lesbians, Muslim women and students. A nice mixture.
We do a HIIT class every day, run by a variety of the female trainers there. Today - a man turned up to take the class, actually the husband of the owner.

The class was fine, he was fine, perfectly pleasant middle aged man, but it was like WTF, out of every gym you could work in (and there are about 6 in our town), you choose to come to the women’s only gym. Like, WHY would you think you would be welcome?
And the women change, subtly when a man is around. Women were mentioning in an apologetic way how sweaty they were, no one mentions it normally as that’s kind of the point. Just irritating.
Anyway, I’ve made my points in an email but it’s difficult when it’s the owner’s husband.

Was he just filling in for the regular instructor? Maybe the owner had short notice and couldn't find anyone else?

The change in attitude from the gym-goers, social conditioning can be very strong.

He was just filling in, but there was another female trainer available (she’s my PT and had thought she was taking the class)

I suspect the reason is purely monetary, as he was the owners husband so maybe she doesn’t have to pay for another trainer.

It’s just the arrogance of thinking “I don’t know why these women have decided that a women only space is what they want, and basically I don’t care, I’m coming in anyway”

Similar thing happened to me: I go to a yoga class which is generally 100% women; this week a man came and immediately wanted the teacher's entire focus to the extent that at one point when we were all doing a specific (and quite simple) pose, he pratfell over - it was almost impossible to do this but he managed . The rest of the time, he was doing loads of heavy breathing and groaning - it was really bloody irritating and completely changed the atmosphere.

But I’m assuming his wife asked him to take the class? It’s her fault he was there. Why arrogance on his part? The owness is on his wife surely?

Agree - I blame her too! I blame them both equally really. I don’t know whether he asked or she offered.

I think I wouldn't read too much into it as a one off. There might have been a miscommunication with regard to who was going to teach, or half a dozen other reasons for the confusion.
It might be worth it to mention to the owner that while her husband seemed very nice, some of the women were uncomfortable with a male instructor.

The rest of the time, he was doing loads of heavy breathing and groaning - it was really bloody irritating and completely changed the atmosphere.

That's a behaviour issue though - lots of men who do yoga are pretty normal.

Yes, I’ve already mentioned it to her. I hoped it was a one off but he mentioned about “if he takes this class again” which pricked up my ears.
Again, I have nothing against men - I’m married to one and have given birth to two of them, but when I exercise in a women’s gym, I want it to be just women there.
Hopefully the owner will get the message.

It’s just the arrogance of thinking “I don’t know why these women have decided that a women only space is what they want, and basically I don’t care, I’m coming in anyway”

But wait, he wasn't just coming in as a participant, he was taking the class, presumably because he was asked (and paid) to?
So not the same thing at all.

Hopefully the owner will get the message.

If you mentioned it I'd guess she will. I think not everyone goes to a women's gym for the same reasons, so it might not have occurred to her that it would be a problem.

Man helping his wife's business out is a bastard. Read all about it!

The rest of the time, he was doing loads of heavy breathing and groaning

I go to a yoga class where there's a man who does this too. Why do they do it?

I run sessions of walking netball; the attendance is generally 100% female, and mostly older ladies, although in theory, men may attend. I asked my DH (who plays mixed netball) if he would do the training so he could run sessions, to cover for me if needed. He agreed, but was rather hesitant, saying "will they mind having a man running the session?" He said he was the only male attending the training course. Now he has run a few sessions himself, and he's not been aware of any problems; but he did wonder if anyone would object to his presence.

Was his presence advertised in advance, OP? Because some of the Muslim or orthodox Jewish women, or women with ptsd following sexual assault might have turned up and found they couldn’t do their class, thus wasting their time and money in attending.
If a course or gym is “woman only” then it should remain so, unless the participants are told otherwise.

I'd write to the owner pointing out that she is damaging her brand by letting a man into her supposedly women's only gym session. Customers will lose trust. I doubt you need to say much more than that.

letsgomaths

I think it's totally different where a class just happens to be one sex most of the time, and where it's advertised as such.

I'd hope if I decided to turn up at the local floor hockey game the other players wouldn't be too put out that I was invading their man time. Maybe they'd feel that way a bit, and I think that's valid, but I'd still hope they were open to having a fun time and being friendly.

@babdoc in an ideal world yours is the sensible answer. Sadly 'Women's only' classes are being threatened everywhere.

I have a lovely friend who runs self defence classes for women and she caters for the at-risk minorities you mention as well as women interested in being able to take care of themselves on a day to day basis.

All was going so well, she never advertised after the first week as most newcomers were word of mouth. She had some very vulnerable women and helped them hugely. Then she hit a dry patch and numbers dwindled a bit so she advertised again... and immediately fell foul of the transgender militants. It was a deliberate attempt to cause trouble as one of the 'applicants' lived nearly 200 miles away. There was no way her ladies could have coped with a man who identifies as a woman, some of them were acutely anxious anyway.

Sadly the class closed.

To the OP, a man should not have been introduced as your trainer without prior notice so people had the option to miss that session

I don't think you're being unreasonable, if I'd specifically found a women only space then I would be bothered that a man was taking the class or in that space.
There are many reasons a woman would seek out a single sex space and I'm surprised that nobody was at least asked before he took the class.

We didn’t get any warning at all, just a note on the entrance door.

Look, it’s no biggy in the grand scheme of things, I know that. But still, a minor annoyance.

You aren't unreasonable to expect gym staff in a women's only gym to be women only. You are being unreasonable and sexist with your thread title. As if all men and only men try to insert themselves into situations where they aren't wanted (just look at the mil thteads to see the latter isn't the case).

The owner is to blame here. It's her responsibility to ensure it remains a women only space. I doubt her husband insisted on 'muscling in'. More likely he was just being supportive of his wife's business.

I see no difference from women only gyms and men only gyms/clubs. The first is allowed, but the second prohibited. I think both sexes do need spaces for only their sex.
So protecting women only spaces and campaigning for men only spaces to be allowed again is the right thing to do. Not saying anyone must do both. Just that if we want women only spaces to not be under threat, eventually the other half of the planet will need them as well or ours will become prohibited too.
It would be sad to see everything go gender neutral (code for both sexes all the time).

Interesting article on the BBC website yesterday about harassment of women in gyms and how much it happens. Has even been academically studied. Something like 7 in 10 women going to gyms have experienced it. With a large number of those choosing to stop going because either they didn't feel able to report it, or if they did they weren't taken seriously.
One woman was quoted as saying she hid in the toilet to avoid her harasser.
How this squares with introducing unisex toilets and changing is astonishing. Zero dots being joined up.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-50473332/is-harassment-making-women-quit-the-gym

I hate when men come to yoga and pilates, they grunt and breathe loudly and ask questions and make it about them. This is based on 25 years of experience

If the regular instructor wasn't able to make it would you rather the class be cancelled instead?