Can someone check through this email to local GE candidates for me - pretty please?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Hi

I want to send an email to my local Lib Dem and other candidates which is clear, concise, friendly and non-technical, to find out their views about self ID. Do you think this passes muster? Any critiques welcomed!

TIA!

Dear xxx,

I am writing because I don't yet know who I'm going to vote for in next month's election, and I am trying to find out more about different parties' policies.

I have strong feelings about Brexit, but other issues concern me, too. A big one for me is gender self-identification, where people can access changing rooms, hospital wards, and other single-sex facilities by dint of saying they identify as the opposite sex.

I work with transgender individuals, who are uniformly lovely people and who face a lot of discrimination. I don't want to make their lives harder and feel they should be supported. At the same time, blanket gender self-ID worries me as a mum of daughters, as I am concerned about them finding themselves in a toilet or changing room with a man who exploits self-ID as a means to get access to vulnerable girls. I think research shows that girls are much more subject to sexual violence in mixed-sex toilets, and I feel it's naive to think that ill-intentioned people won't take advantage of self-ID.

Also, my girls are both sporty, and I worry about them competing against people with male bodies, if self-ID is allowed in sports. Girls in the US are already losing out on valuable college scholarships set up for females.

I would like to be able to vote for you, but can you reassure me about how your party could protect the rights of girls whilst supporting transgender people too?

I like it - clear and to the point and homes in on two practical issues that matter to you. (I think people make a mistake when they go too philosophical and ask for definitions of women and such like; keep it focused on practical consequences).

It reads really well. Only thing I’d change is the ‘I think... I feel...’ - these are well supported facts, don’t mitigate your impact.

I’m going to send something similar.

It's a good email. Since it's an email, I would definitely include 1-2 relevant links. I would change 'I think research shows' to 'Research shows' then add a link, because research does indeed show that unisex facilities increase the risk of assault on women and girls:
womansplaceuk.org/gender-neutral-toilets-dont-work-for-women-2/

I would also just alter the tone a bit so it sounds more straightforward and confident by avoiding terms like 'uniformly lovely' because I get the slight impression that you feel guilty for even bringing up the subject, when there is nothing to feel guilty about.
You could also link to what you referred to in the US about the girls losing scholarships to boys under self ID: www.thepostmillennial.com/selina-soule-is-fighting-for-justice-for-women-in-sports/

The problem with having a 'sorry to bother you and I'm probably worrying over nothing' tone is that it's much easier for people to dismiss you and say 'aw you're worrying over nothing, it will be fine honest.'

(There may be better links than these but these are suggestions).

There's probably no point in sending it to the Lib Dems since they have universally condemned us all and have declared they don't want our vote.

Send it to the Lib Dems. They need to see, up close and personal, at the individual candidate level, that they're losing votes over this (if you're a remainer for instance, spell out to them that they're your natural political home but they have made it impossible for you to vote for them).

Thanks all! V interesting.

I will include the point about being a Remainer (I am) but I do want to be very clear that I don't have a problem with individual TW. I know quite a few and they are mostly quite damaged, vulnerable people who I think have been sold a lie. The ones I know mostly have had surgery or hormone treatment. They often have MH issues too, mostly anxiety. I genuinely don't want to make their lives harder.

I am conflicted about including links. I thought of it at first but then thought, I'll see what they say first. I want to keep this as short and punchy as poss for such a complex issue.

Leave out the 'uniformly lovely'. No group is ever 'uniformly lovely'. It smacks of hand wringing and guilt that you're bring it up.

And yes, make statements like
'Research shows...' rather than qualifying 'I think...' etc.

Apart from that - great!