Samaritans and sex calls

[ahumanfemale]

Not a TAAT but I saw elsewhere multiple mentions of the abundance of sex calls that The Samaritans receives.

I used to volunteer for a similar helpline. It was abroad and for English-speaking people. We too had regular sex callers. All - ALL - would only talk to female volunteers. I thought it was because we were a small-scale charity and it was cheaper to call us than any 0800 equivalent. It wasn't until just now that I realised our helpline wasn't unique in this. And the majority of ours were either wearing women's clothes - or fantasising about it. The underwear of underage teens was also a feature. Some clearly got off on trying to make us uncomfortable. They didn't realise we weren't uncomfortable, just bored.

And honestly, I'm fucking angry. This needs to be publicised. There are LITERALLY men out think their wank is more important than people in severe distress getting help. They LITERALLY put having a wank above someone not committing suicide. There are enough of them that The Samaritans includes their calls in its training, as our training did too.

And people - women - think these men won't go into mixed sex changing rooms and won't get thrills from making women uncomfortable and won't use their conversations to wank to either in situ or later?

The policy at my helpline changed and we were able to put the phone down on them after confirming they weren't in distress (as in they kept wanking and talking out their fantasy or whatever, rather than respond to us). This was done because someone pointed out it was abusive to expect female volunteers to be wank-fodder. I've no idea what their policy is now or what The Samaritans' policy is.

I'm disgusted that this is so common. And fwiw, we never had female sex callers.

Illuminating, depressing but somehow not surprising. Thanks OP for shining a light here.

Former national helpline worker in an English speaking country. I agree there are many sex calls but the caller who caused me to resign enjoyed abusing the volunteers.

Due to the early morning shift it was rare I had a shift without hearing from this man who appeared to enjoy insulting me about anything possible. Eventually I was permitted to hang up after one warning.

I began crying when driving to the shift on the last few occasions and knew it was time to stop. It made me very sad as the people I worked with were lovely. They try so hard to help and some callers abuse the service.

They don’t use the internet etc because they like to try and trick the listeners into there wanking scenario for as long as possible until the penny drops... it’s a controlling game where lack of consent is at the root for the wanker.

And this is exactly the sort of man who wants to get into women’s spaces without our consent. And this breaking down of consent is what the gender lobbyists are pushing for at every opportunity.

Volunteered for a similar organisation. Like a PP said, they knew exactly how to keep you on the line. In our handbook there were certain phrases that meant you really couldn’t hang up on someone. They would exploit this. Even when we were going to end a call, we would have to give repeated warnings eg ‘I am going to have to end the call in sixty seconds as other callers need my help’ ... ‘I am going to have to end the call in thirty seconds as other callers need my help...’

And we would always have to say ‘Please call us back whenever necessary’ It made me so angry having to do it all. Had a few similar experiences as PP - people ringing saying they’d been wearing underage siblings’ underwear etc. Vile vile vile

They don’t use the internet etc because they like to try and trick the listeners into there wanking scenario for as long as possible until the penny drops... it’s a controlling game where lack of consent is at the root for the wanker.

This is absolutely true.

It's not just help lines either. I spent one summer break from university temping at a household appliance repair firm. We got dozens of wanking calls there (they'd put the phone down if a bloke answered and ring back). It was written on the board to be alert to calls complaining about getting the wire from a bra caught in the washing machine drum!

Ugh. They should make sure to have a lot of male workers so that male callers can be switched over to them instead.

Ex Sam here too. The thing that surprises me is how genuinely shocked most people are when you mention this part of the job. And dealing with it is a huge part of the job. Even when people are made aware of how common this is, I think they still have the belief that it's only a tiny number of men that do it, and it must just be them making a large number of calls, but it isn't. They are very clever, it took me a long time to develop my radar for sex calls, and we were taught to be cautious as you had to be absolutely certain before you ended a call in case the caller was genuinely distressed. And calls had to be ended nicely in case the caller was distressed on a later occasion and needed Tom ring for genuine reasons.

I agree completely that if more people knew the truth about this then there would be more public concern over men being in female changing rooms and toilets. On the flip side, being a Sam taught me how many people there are with very real gender issues that do cause them genuine distress in life. But the answer to that is obviously not to put women at risk!

In 2000 I volunteered for the student run Nightline phone line at university. We also received many TM calls (telephone masturbators) and quite a few trans women talking about trying on women's clothes etc. Usually I would get more of the TM calls than genuine calls, so I left.

It’s almost as though women and girls are socialised to accept this sort of behaviour as inevitable. Best not draw attention to it. Or just humour them/grit you teeth/ignore them.

Why?

Why are no organisations publicly and visibly outraged by men calling their voluntary run, donation supported helpline for wank fodder (Childline FFS!) and shouting it from the rooftops?!

Oh wow, I never knew this. That is really awful. I agree that there needs to be more publicity - I'm so sick of women having to mind men's feelings and ignore our own. And I agree that if more people were aware of this they would not be so quick to tell us to open up our private spaces to men.

Why do the men/male prisoners hang up when they hear a male voice - don't they understand they might identify as a woman and therefore can be treated in exactly the same way?

Perhaps this should be the next group of people to be educated by the TRAs - in fact I'm not sure why they're not already a priority?

I would say I'm sad to hear how really commonplace it is, but I'm just angry. It takes some people so, so much courage to call a helpline and to then speak some things out loud. To have lines clogged up by manipulative wanking men who want to keep the volunteer on the line for as long as possible is disgusting in all senses of the word.

I think it's probably worth stating, just to be super clear, that if someone phoned up struggling with any aspect of their sexuality, that's not a problem. It's manipulatively using the call to jerk off that is the issue. And that's more about abuse of power, than struggling with sexuality.

NailsNeed that training you had, about not being able to just end a call, accommodating the caller even if they are being explicit, being nice in case they do something awful, or want to come back, sounds very much like you are being made to give them control in an abusive situation.

Making women responsible for the terrible things men might do if women don’t comply. Given that it is far more likely that it is women volunteers in this situation.

And massive respect to everyone who has volunteered for helplines. I couldn’t do it. It was me that brought it up on the other thread as I knew someone who was helped immensely by the Sams and I was appalled to find out how men abuse this vital support.

Why are no organisations publicly and visibly outraged by men calling their voluntary run, donation supported helpline for wank fodder (Childline FFS!) and shouting it from the rooftops?!

Completely agree with this. It’s shocking that female volunteers have to tolerate this, and also that good people leave because of it. Raising awareness might make some abusive men realise that people are on to them and they are not as special and clever as they’d like to believe they are.

I didn't know this was so widespread - naive me was thinking because there were so many phone sex lines, it wouldn't have been such a big thing. But of course, part of the thrill is having a non-consenting woman on the other end of the line.

Just like part of the thrill of entering changing rooms/toilets is invading a female space without the consent of the women in there. Making the women uncomfortable and forcing them to partake in the fantasy IS the thrill.

Getting a sexual thrill from wearing womens clothing is sexual fetish - a paraphilia. It's nothing to do with gender dysphoria or being trans. These sexual fetishists are just slipping under the radar and utilising a push for trans rights to their own ends.

On no account should women be expected to have to tolerate this - and yet we're called bigots just for talking about it - for being aware of the blindingly obvious fact that pervy men will take advantage.

Why are no organisations publicly and visibly outraged by men calling their voluntary run, donation supported helpline for wank fodder

TBH, I don't think there's been a need for it to be publicly known until now when women only spaces are under such threat. I can't speak on behalf of any organisation, but I think there are probably many valid reasons why it hasn't been made public knowledge.

1. it would advertise to potential sex callers that haven't thought of it yet that it's an option 2)it would put people off volunteering
2. it would put people off donating because no ones going to want to think their money is funding pervs getting their jollies
3. Samaritans (at least - I don't have experience of other organisations) aim to be non judgmental and inclusive. The reality of that is that they will support rapists and paedophiles if they are genuinely in distress
4. it could put genuine callers off phoning if they think that all volunteers are constantly on the look out for sex calls.

I had literally no idea about this. I’m shocked and angry.

NailsNeed that training you had, about not being able to just end a call, accommodating the caller even if they are being explicit, being nice in case they do something awful, or want to come back, sounds very much like you are being made to give them control in an abusive situation.

I agree.
I knew this was a problem but I didn't know the scale of it. Since the Samaritans and other helplines are aware of the scale of the problem they need to train their staff differently asap and connect male callers to men. Not tell women to be nice to perverts wtf
There are so many people out there who are genuinely suffering and need help. I doubt that most genuine male callers would be against talking to a caring man.

NailsNeed that training you had, about not being able to just end a call, accommodating the caller even if they are being explicit, being nice in case they do something awful,

Just to clarify, although you are pretty much right, as soon as a call became explicit we would be sure that the call wasn't genuine, and we could end it. We were encouraged to end calls as soon as we knew that it wasn't genuine, so no one would be expected to listen to any graphic detail.

The problem is more that these callers are very clever, and until a new Samaritan has built up some experience, it can be very difficult to tell the difference between a genuinely call and a sex call. They know what to say and what not to say to keep volunteers on the line for as long as possible. Sometimes it's only their breathing that gave it away.

I worked on a shift in the Samaritans with a retired older lady who had just done her basic training. One man called at the door late at night supposedly in a desperate situation and she went off to make him a cup of tea. When she returned he was dressed in women’s clothes. She was completely shocked and quite upset about it and left not long after.

What's up with the need to show themselves to women dressed in women's clothing? Why is it so common?
I'm seriously disturbed that wearing younger sibling's underwear (I'm guessing males wearing sister's underwear) is such a common theme. I worry about those poor siblings.

Since the Samaritans and other helplines are aware of the scale of the problem they need to train their staff differently asap and connect male callers to men.

That wouldn't be possible without making a judgement against all men as being a potential sex caller, so it would go against the whole ethos of the organisation. It also wouldn't be possible logistically, as you can't always guarantee that there's going to be a man on shift, and it's already difficult enough for some people to make the call, and then talk, let alone being made to wait to speak to someone else as well.

It's worth saying that women were well supported with this at my branch, and we were encouraged to talk about it amongst other samaritans a lot.

I worked on a shift in the Samaritans with a retired older lady who had just done her basic training. One man called at the door late at night supposedly in a desperate situation and she went off to make him a cup of tea. When she returned he was dressed in women’s clothes. She was completely shocked and quite upset about it and left not long after.
Are the call centre locations not secret?!! Where I volunteered it was. You only found out where it was after you'd completed basic training and had an evaluation by a psychologist!

I have several male and female friends who were BT operators or worked various phone lines, including a credit card company and sales. So when job hunting I asked them what their jobs were actually like day to day, and what was the worst thing about their job.

This type of harassment has been a problem for all of the women, none of the men have ever mentioned it. Many employers don't seem to know how to deal with it, and sales teams often minimize it - closing is the most important thing.

In the 1980s I volunteered on a Rape Crisis Line. Calls would be diverted from a central number and we did shifts from our own homes.
Lots of women would make silent calls - after they had plucked up the courage to call, they found they couldn't speak and we would just stay on the line, being supportive and encouraging, telling them we wouldn't put the phone down, we could stay with them as long it took. Many women found this incredibly helpful and would tell us so once they did start to speak.
And yes, we got lots of abusive men calling, who would stay silent for ages (and i mean ages) listening to our voices, until it became apparent that they were wanking - then we would put the phone down. But it was not always easy to tell. I remember as if it were yesterday, sitting in my freezing hallway, in the middle of the night, on a silent call, for well over an hour, which ended with a loud male voice saying "Suck my cock" .