Teacher asking students if they are straight

[DtPeabodysLoosePants]

Hi, it's a while since I posted but you might remember me from my earlier threads about taking dd out of lgbt+ week classes at school. A few days ago she told me assembly had been an lgbt+ one and that one of the teachers had shouted loud and proud that he was gay, and asked them to identify if they were straight. Dd is 12. She wishes she had not been in the assembly and I have told school I do not want her to attend and they assured me she would be taken out.
I will be contacting school but am not sure what to say. In what world is it ok to ask 12 year olds about their sexuality?

That is really not ok at all.

I don’t think it’s ever ok to demand anyone publicly identify their sexuality, at any age. Right to private life and all that.

That’s a really intrusive thing to ask anyone publicly.
I’m struggling to think of any public context where I’d consider that acceptable.

Don't make it that your DD is to be treated differently to everyone else.
That is not acceptable for any school pupils.

What is your problem with her been involved with LGBT things?
I do agree that no one should ever be asked one way or another about their sexuality, it absolutely no one else's business, I would be complaining about that. The gay teacher especially should know better, he should know the possible repercussions for some children from their families if they was to come out as gay.

I find this really upsetting, but I see how it has happened I think.

I had to talk to my dd about this, because she was given the strong impression at school that not only ought a person to know their sexuality at 12, that your feelings as a teen were pretty unchangeable and that being honest meant telling everyone what you are.

When I told her that many people have very confused or changing sexual interests, sometimes kind of weird ones too, through the teen years, and that it's not really something that needs to be worried about or labeled, she was pretty clear she thought that was bigoted.

This is where talk of trans kids comes from too I think - it all stems from this idea that we are fully developed in our adult form from a very young age, and it's mirroring the attitude to sexuality. I find myself wondering how people think this - I remember being really interested in sexual stuff from fairly early on and having attractions, but they varied pretty significantly from what I though and felt at 14, or 18, and that isn't even totally similar to what I think and feel in my 40s. Is that very odd, or is it that people don't remember?

I'll ask her after school for more info. I complained before when during lgbtq+ (forgot the q before ) week she was asked by several older students if she was gay. School were not happy with this behaviour from students but it appears to be ok for staff. I don't think her sexuality is any of my business let alone her teachers ffs. She doesn't even know herself yet. Her best friend is pansexual but was straight then bi earlier this year. Dd is just

Christ - no, it's absolutely not OK! That's so unbelievably inappropriate! No-one should be demanding anyone discuss their sexuality - but especially teachers shouldn't be demanding it of children.

It definitely is not anyone else's business, it's completely inappropriate and more so since you made a specific request that has been ignored and not honoured.

I would expect an apology along with an explanation and I would also write to the school governors about this.

I'd be suspicious of any man asking very young girls to enter into a sexuality conversation.

Absolutely not okay. I'd be filing a complaint with the school over their safeguarding policy, the inappropriate sexualisation of preteen children, and the pressure put upon them to vocalise very private issues.

Furthermore, gender-non-conforming kids continue to be bullied at school and gender-non-conforming but especially lesbian and bisexual girls suffer some of the worst of that. It does not matter how happy-go-lucky the teachers are about this, they are not there when the kids are alone and asking kids to make any kinds of statements in public about this is irresponsible.

My youngest is this age and very shy and the sheer embarrassment him and his pals (and my friends' daughters) feel when this subject comes up would make this a painfully awkward assembly.

They are also of an age where the teacher still has a lot of authority in their eyes, so if a teacher does something that shames or confuses or upsets my son, he does not dare speak up.

And I agree with pp that the whole thing betrays complete ignorance of how children this age develop.

Do people like this know nothing about adolescent development, or even remember being 12 themselves?

I couldn't have said for certain at age 12 what my sexuality was. If asked, I might have guessed gay because I had intense friendships with other girls and thought boys were mainly annoying and smelly. It wasn't until I was 13 that I started fancying boys and 14 when I was certain that I was straight. I don't think that's unusual.

It's great that kids are growing up knowing it's ok to be gay or bisexual, but this rush to label is not healthy. Nor is it anyone's business who you fancy or don't fancy.

I would definitely make a complaint to the school.

Seriously? They are basically saying: Tell us who has access to your vagina. Fuck these pedophiles

It’s starting to feel like a fetish. Why are these adults so desperate to discuss sexuality with kids? What happened to math, English and science?!

I think an email to the school office raising concerns about this under their safeguarding policy would be a good first step.

"Christ - no, it's absolutely not OK! That's so unbelievably inappropriate!"

I couldn't agree more, and I think it is a very small step away from grooming. Why would a school teacher be questioning young pupils about their sexuality?

That’s really inappropriate! I’d go into school and raise your concerns. Nobody should be forced to tell people their sexuality, especially 12 year olds who might not even know what theirs is yet

It's not appropriate at all and I'd be wanting to talk to the school to find out more.

There's appropriate ways to discuss sexuality in PSHE and where relevant to subject content. This member of staff has really overstepped the mark here.

As everyone has said, inappropriate and breaching boundaries. No child, individually or collectively, should ever be asked by an adult to declare or discuss their 'sexuality'.

I'd be making a formal written complaint to the Head initially raising your concerns and be prepared to follow up with the chair of governors speedily in the event of an unsatisfactory response.

Totally inappropriate. Something similar happened at my Ds school. I complained to the Head and he said it shouldn’t have happened.

I complained to the Head and he said it shouldn’t have happened.

And what was he going to do to ensure it not happening again?

I would complain. No way I'd trust this school with sex and relationship ed either. Good call OP.

“ In what world is it ok to ask 12 year olds about their sexuality?”

It’s not okay. It’s not okay to ask an adult in fact. People are absolutely entitled to keep this private. I’d take that route with the complaint, as well as the fact that it sounds like a convenient grooming tool.

That is not ok
People come.out when they are ready. It's not for the school to out them for woke points.

They are kids, asking who they plan to have sex with is not appropriate

Wow. Are teachers allowed to discuss this? When I was a kid there were gay teachers of course - my sister used to keep bumping into one particular teacher in a local gay nightclub but it was very much ‘I didn’t see you and you didn’t see me’.