Women as vessils

[louiseaaa]

Here I am chundering along, doing my best in real life to challenge sexist behaviour and stand up for women's rights and debate with my three xy people who I share living space with.

I'm also a birth trauma survivor who has had the experience of my pain and distress dismissed by the medical establishment for that and for other health related things

After my second birth trauma (I had two highly medicalised births) I became active in trying to make things better/more person-centred by sitting on the Maternity Services Liaison Committee (That dates me, no?) and I was also involved with the birth trauma helpline set up /staffed by Sheila Kitzinger. I'm now on a birth trauma facebook group where I post occasionally about my healing 20 years on and offer hope for the current crop of women traumatised by our healthcare system. It get's me down sometimes, but not enough to do anything substantial about it, because quite frankly, the odds are stacked, and having been very vocal and managed to get not that much changed I put my effort where I can see some visible results, it's better for my mental health.

However someone posted something this morning that was a bit of a lightbulb for me in terms of where I went wrong/where the communication fell down with healthcare providers. The poster said this

"I hate this idea that we are just vessels to carry babies so long as their ok we don't matter. Of course we all put our babies first and would no doubt die for them if necessary, but this attitude is what is wrong with all the maternity care. Women matter too and our quality of life post birth directly affects our babies"

I have been blind, actually - I mean my total understanding was that we were dealing with a service that with a bit of training and help would be able to see the way that it treated women as inhumane and want to change - but that is the crux of the matter - it can be inhumane as the women it treats are sub-human, vessels, not autonomous human beings.

The damage done is actually immeasurable I think.

I shall ponder more and get back to this

You are right about that. I had three fairly medicalised births (not sure about exact criteria). I was admitted to hospital during two pregnancies and on bedrest for the last and the baby was always more important. Even to myself.

The trauma women go though giving birth does seem largely ignored and brushed over by professionals and family alike.

Yes, I agree OP.

I made it clear in the birth plan for my high risk pregnancy that my life should take priority.

I also wrote a letter of wishes for my husband making it clear my health was a priority in the event any decisions need to made.

This was following a previous pregnancy where I felt very much like a vessel.

This has to change.

I agree op.

Agree.
I have a friend whose husband was told he ‘might have to choose between mum or baby’ during a very traumatic birth.

No. Not his choice. Hers.

And I’ve just realised that that sounds like it’s straight out of the Forsyth Saga (didn’t the creepy one have to make that choice in the novel, iirc?) All these decades later and it still happens in real life.