Lightbulb feminist moment

[BurnerPhone]

Hi Mumsnet

I recently found myself late night browsing through YouTube as you do and I ended up watching some videos of Jess Phillips the MP. Whilst I have always considered myself a feminist, it's not something I've devoted much time to previously but it was like something sparked in my brain when I listened to her. Watching her speak so passionately about equality and women it really inspired me. I've found myself literally reading everything I can ever since about power inequality and what feminism means and I've discovering all these amazing women and works. I'm not one to get caught up in fads or phases but it's I've opened this door. I wondered if anybody else has had a similar lightbulb moment that struck them to persue being an active feminist and if you would share with me who and what it was?

My 'lightbulb' moment was on an Internet discussion forum back when I was a PhD science student. At that point I didn't see the point of feminism - I'd never personally suffered from discrimination or harassment. I thought we had achieved equality. Oddly enough though, I was the only female involved in the discussion. Fortunately a patient lad who called himself a feminist (I bet he'd use 'ally' now) got me to see that it wasn't about me - feminism was still necessary for many other women and girls. 'I'm all right, Jill' didn't cut it.

This was in the early 80s.

As a teenager, I used to take some of my Saturday job money to spend in a radical bookshop. I was given a leaflet about fundraising for the local Rape Crisis by a seasoned feminist who chatted for a bit, then introduced me to Andrea Dworkin.

I'm in my mid-40s. Always thought I was a sort of feminist because I work in a seriously Male-dominated industry and was able to stomp down on misogyny. Brought my daughter up to ignore blue/pink short hair/long hair expectations.
Then I read an article this summer about a self-IDed trans woman who played cricket on Sat as a Male, badly, but then played for a "ladies' County team on Sunday. Batting average between those two days about 100. The same team a DC is training so hard to get in to.
So, a definite lightbulb moment there.
The more I have quiet chats with both women and men about this the more they are shocked. Still reading lots, and about 1% as wise as most of the women on FWR but I'm learning from them!

Similar experience midcentury. I'm 48 been in the tech industry for years, I'm a single mum bringing up a daughter, and always stomped over sexism wherever it happened.
Two years ago I read about the cotton ceiling and the light went on.

Thank you for sharing! Some interesting stories, definitely the "I'm alright Jill" comment resonates with me. Going off to look up Andrea Dworkin

My lightbulb moment was here on MN a few years ago, when I realised how damaging and how limiting 'Be Nice' is. For years I had felt guilty for breaking Be Nice when I tried to stand up for myself or other women and girls. It felt both right and wrong.

Here on AIBU and Relationships I learned that respecting yourself and standing up for yourself and your vulnerable people are more important than Being Nice. Then I ventured into FWR and learned that recognising misogyny and patriarchy, and changing them, standing up for women and girls, are also more important than Being Nice. Be Nice shores up misogyny and patriarchy.

I am learning to be nice. Not to Be Nice at my cost and at the cost of women and girls.

GallusMag and her blog Gendertrender (now gendertrending, since her decade+ Of incredible work was censored by WordPress thanks to our friend yaniv)
Seeing that unapologetic, strong, take no shit woman in action in the comments was amazing.
I'll die mad about Gendertrender being shut down.

My mother (born in 1927) made me a feminist. She was a daily mass-goer who would talk to me and my sister of the utter ridiculousness of the ban on contraception, how she had to give up her job on marriage (marriage bar), how her brothers were given a university education but she went to work, what the reality of marriage was for many of her friends having child after child while their husbands did what they wanted (she and my dad had a very equal relationship), how education and a career of your own was key for women.

Reading FWR. Hands down. I've been reading for literally years before registering. And I won't underline how not feminist I was, because it was pretty shocking, but seeing women refusing to be obsequious in any way whatsoever when a man announced his presence was a world tilting thing. It took me a long time to get it down inside me, but once you've seen a Lang or Kittens style rebuttal in the form of "No is a complete sentence. Do your own research." it's only a matter of time before you try that boundary setting in real life, and good god it makes waves when you do.

I wasn't allowed to sing in the church choir aged 10.
I'm 52 now...

I’ve been a conscious feminist since I was in my early twenties, and an unconscious one long before that. My actual, concrete feminist awakening came hand in hand with an intense intellectual awakening based upon breaking down everything I had been taught, everything that made me, as a young woman, the person that I was, and rebuilding my entire identity.

Once you see it, you can never again unsee it. Sometimes I wish I could exist in the bliss of ignorance.

For me it was reading 'The Women's Room' by Marilyn French when I was a student.

Once you see it, you can never again unsee it.

dh is going through this at the moment. He would always have been a feminist ally but various things - the metoo movement, the Trump administration, his interactions with men - have peaked him. he said to me yesterday that he didn't understand how women managed to restrain their rage.

May I introduce you to the lesbian feminist legend who is Magdalen Berns (who tragically died recently from brain cancer) :

You're welcome

I used to subscribe to Spare Rib when I was 15, was raised by an incredibly strong feminist grandmother and have been reading feminist literature since age of 11, it’s always been a way of life, didn’t immunise me against abusive men unfortunately so I had a lot of theoretical knowledge but was still damaged enough to succumb to very toxic relationships, have been free of that for past 10 years thankfully

Once you see it, you can never again unsee it. Sometimes I wish I could exist in the bliss of ignorance.

This is me at the moment. I think the cycling masters last week was the real lightbulb moment for me. A sport I've been very passionate about in the past. And now I feel like I'm seeing everything left, right and centre...

Before this I was quite ignorant to it. I was made redundant during pregnancy a few years ago, and realised then it was more common than I realised (even the job centre said they see LOADS of pregnant / new mothers made redundant). So I did lots of reading surrounding that subject and slowly picked up on other topics, tried to understand what the issues were before fully understanding my own thoughts and feelings. And now it's just snowballed.

I am feeling quite downhearted today, I'm now worried for what the future holds. It feels like a huge fight to protect women's rights. Part of me wishes I had never learned about all of this, and can carry on blissfully unaware like others around me. But that doesn't help anybody really.

My lightbulb moment was here on MN a few years ago, when I realised how damaging and how limiting 'Be Nice' is. For years I had felt guilty for breaking Be Nice when I tried to stand up for myself or other women and girls. It felt both right and wrong.

Very similar Jellyslice. Once you see female socialisation and it’s effects, you see it everywhere. Wife-work, not just at home but in work teams too.

I was a naive teen who campaigned to do woodwork at school and have always supported drives to educate women and girls, allow access to contraception and offer genuine choice. I didn’t however get the feminist movement as a whole and frankly in my twenties I thought that Andrea Dworkin was barking. (Sorry).

A combination of motherhood, life experience and learning - through these pages and beyond - has taught me how right she was.

I did a Women's Studies module at university. It introduced me to some feminist writers who gave words, explanations, concepts, to the undefined anger I felt about things like sexual harassment and porn.

I don't think I hit the really sharp end of things though until having children. All sorts of hidden male entitlement can come crawling out at this point.

Being given some back issues of Spare Rib as a teenager, applying for medical school in the days when there was a 10% quota for female students, then reading The Women’s Room by Marilyn French as a student. I’ve been a radfem ever since (45 years and counting!)