Amazed

[Orangepearl]

By how many women still cook dinner for the family rather than it being a shared task.

I still get asked at work as a casual talking point ‘what are you cooking tonight’!? Like I’m the house person?!

Ok may seem like a trivial topic but think it has much darker overtones of men being deserving of women cooking and cleaning for them.

Also have noticed in many a conversation even when a friends says their husband ‘does loads round house’. I notice that when asked women still seem to be doing the really most disgusting tasks, like man does the dishwasher but most women still seem to clean the bath and toilet!?

Is it just me or have most households not moved on?

Yanbu! I do school pick up and there's lots of mum's in this sort of situation. I sometimes get asked what I'm making and I say no idea dp does most of the cooking. They then tell me their husbands can barely cook! One pair of mum's even have a "jokey" pact that if one of them dies the other will cook for their family so the kids don't starve!
I'm dying to ask why they let them get away with it. I usually just say that's shit. And then tell them what dp does around the house. Which includes the toilet.

Yes!

I do live in quite a conservative area but still amazed that it really has not moved on since the 50s. What you read on feminism and what’s going on in the school run is very different I find!

It really gets my back up when asked the dinner thing! Arggggh!

A lot of my friends have 'traditional' relationships, I've learnt to keep quiet that DH does housework and shopping, we split stuff like mowing the lawn, car maintenance, decorating, DIY according to our preferences as I got fed up with being told I'm spoilt, or I don't know how lucky I am. Yet, they look askance if I suggest they change things in their relationship, or ask why their daughter is making the older brother his dinner, rather than him doing it himself.

I'm dying to ask why they let them get away with it.

Yes, because it's just that easy.

They ‘get away with it due complex problems that society imposes on women after they have had children.

Also some women still hold the DM reader belief that men are little kings 🤢 leading to more complex problems!

I read an article about this recently, describing the larger work involved in feeding a family - not just in cooking but in assessing, planning, shopping, working round health, preferences, cost, ethical implications, keeping in mind logistics, stock levels, etc in cooking. It's bloody huge. Takes up a vast amount of time and energy.

FWIW, I do this role in our household. If both parties are aware of what's involved for each other and willing to step up and help when they can, it's fair enough. Our household has ended up split along fairly trad roles for fairly good reasons. (Earning power, child gestating/breastfeeding ability, largely).

Dying to ask why they get away with it?

Well in my case it was because my ex was a manipulative, petulant, shouty, foot stamper who had an answer for everything and didn't see why he had to do that boring domestic shit and was backed up in that by his parents. I was isolated from my own family, had a newborn and had given up my flat to marry him when all this became apparent. Requests for help where met with a tsunami of whining that usually progressed to rage and storming out. It was just easier to do it myself.

Classic case scenario Carol.

I relate to this as do 95% of the cooking and associated stuff, and this pisses me off.

DH does a fair(ish) share of other domestic work and parenting. I don’t cook for him Monday to Friday as he eats very late, is fussy about food and prefers convenience foods to what I cook!

we split everything including in the house child care as we both work around the kids so whoever is home does the brunt of it.
but I'm not ashamed to admit I prefer doing the cooking and cleaning and lived being a sahm and doing the majority of everything, it gives me a real sense of pride to keep the house clean and feed my family.

It's tricky cos my other half doesn't get home til 7pm on a weekday, so it's not practical (or fair) to then get him to do dinner.

We share cooking/housework/parenting at the weekends. It's pretty normal among my circle of friends.

I loathe and detest housework. It's a lot to do with my ASD. I haven't ironed anything for decades. When clothes shopping I scrumple a little bit of the garment while it's still on the hanger. If they stay scrumpled I don't even try them on.

My DH became a SAHF as soon as we could afford it. After his premature death I delegated as much as possible to my cleaner, though I still struggled.

But cooking is the only domestic task I was any good at, so I've always done it. I enjoy it.

None of the 1950's in our house.

We both work part time and cook on the days we are doing childcare and the other one is working.

I'm a better cook but yesterday I came home to a new vegetarian recipe and dessert.

I do more of the food shopping as I shop at zero waste stores and this takes time but I enjoy it and we tend to be running low by the time I get to my day.

I feel good about the fact we are setting a good example for our son. We also take turns with the washing up!

As I work from home, I cook all of the evening meals and Christmas dinner, plus breakfasts at weekends. My wife has a 45 minute drive to work and back. I do most of the heavy gardening and all the vacuuming, plus I really love cleaning the cars. We do the shopping together at weekends. My wife is a really good cook, so will often make dinner at the weekends.

I cook dinner pretty much every week night, because I get home way earlier than my husband does. He actually loves cooking, and does the majority of the cooking at the weekend and when we have guests. I do most of the housework, because I work part time, while he has a highly stressful job withlots of responsibility. I don't really like doing housework, but I'd rather do what I do than what he does any day!

I think this is changing, especially with more people working from home at least part of the time.

My DH works full time from home and does ALL of the planning, shopping and cooking. He likes cooking and is good at it. I do the garden, mow the lawn, trim hedges etc., something I like and am good at.

There are still people who see this as upside down world, but my children and grandchildren think it is normal, so a change is coming!

This is probably the only place where my relationship looks like it has a traditional division of labor.

My husband does 95% of chores around the house and a lot of the childcare (he's a SAHD, I work from home full-time except when I have long-distance business trips). But I put food on the table every night because I'm the better cook and the pickier eater.

Many of the women I know who divide this responsibility find that there's a double standard. They're expected to put "real meals" on the table, their husbands put some frozen food in the oven and call that cooking. I find this to be the case with many "divided chores" because of the way men are coddled by parents when they're still just boys. Men feel like they can do their half in a half-hearted way because the woman will pick up the slack and do 60-70% of the work before even complaining.