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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

It's Lonely at the Top! (Imposter Syndrome)

10 replies

IfYouSaySoDear · 11/10/2019 19:49

Posted to FWR for relevance:

Today was the day that I closed a 50 million deal, and I feel like a fraud!

To be honest, I'm not all that awesome. I'm just some girl from a village, lower MC family, who did't really feel comfortable taking the predestined path of going to uni, working a couple of years, marrying the son of the local bigshot, having two kids and calling it a life.

So I changed subjects during my 2nd year at university, rather accidentally landed a job with a rather prestigious firm (to be honest: I applied to pretty much anything that said "graduate" at the time and got lucky that serious companies run their HR ops over the summer breaks and hopeless start-ups don't ...), worked hard because I was afraid they'd all find out I'm really a fucking nobody even sooner if I didn't, quite accidentally made senior executive in the course of things and now, also quite accidentally, landed a 50m deal that I only really got saddled with because nobody really believed we could make it happen ...

I'm literally panicking!

Truth be told, I'm not really all that great. Out of my four grandparents, only one could properly read and write. Luckily for me, she passed her genes to my mother, who, in her turn, went on to get a "proper" job and insist that her children take A-levels and degrees.

And yet, I look at my my male peers and think to myself "you've landed 10m deals and insisted we all bow to you and call you 'god'". I realise there's something wrong with how I look at the situation. I think I also realise that female socialisation has a lot to do with it,

And, yet, I've sold 50 million. I've never felt so ridiculously alone in my life! I've no fucking idea WTAF I'm doing, my mum says "that's lovely, dear", my partner says "so, fancy holiday next summer?" and my boss says "well done, old girl, you sold the fucker, now show me you can deliver it! - I'll buy you a drink!".

I feel that, had I been a man, I'd have been groomed for this. I haven't. I'm just an accidental success (and, yes, I've been building up to this one for years - it's just that, being the only woman executive around, it's been "unlikely long shots - won against all the odds" all the way.

I've just been asked to a meeting with the CEO to discuss how I'm planning to pull this off now that it's won. Every man I know would be beating his chest, calling his friends and bragging.

I'm not a man, and I haven't the faintest fucking clue how I'm planning to pull this shit off. I'm just a girl - woman really, now that I'm in my mid-thirties - who's got a good head on her shoulders, works hard, accidentally built a career and even more accidentally just did something really big.

I'm so afraid that, come tomorrow, they'll all find out that I'm a nobody who knows nothing and incidentally got fucking lucky.

And, see title, yes, I know what Imposter Syndrome is. I know it's a thing with me. But, in a nutshell, ...

... paaaaaaaaaanic!

OP posts:
JurgenKloppsCat · 11/10/2019 20:30

You should stop assuming that men feel any different. We don't. There's just as many of us who feel that we are blagging our way through our careers. And just as many of us assume that our weaknesses and doubts will be exposed at any moment. Accept it. Accept that most of your colleagues feel the same at times. And enjoy your success. Congratulations.

DryHeave · 11/10/2019 21:04

How much have you had to drink? How much of this £50m deal if your cut?

FiveStoryFire · 11/10/2019 21:09

Congratulations. That's amazing!

WineGummyBear · 11/10/2019 21:10

I hear you OP. I started a new job this year and had raging imposter syndrome including naked dreams, spotty face for months, digestive symptoms of stress, the works.

Re-read your post. Pretend I wrote it and you are advising me. All of us get this. You can't be an imposter because look at your flipping track record! You are awesome and totally deserving of your success and completely equal to delivering. Even more so than the blokes who should about it (and probably have less of a plan on how to deliver)!!!

Well done you! You rock!!!!

WineGummyBear · 11/10/2019 21:10
  • shout about it
AloneLonelyLoner · 11/10/2019 21:18

Firstly massive congratulations!

Secondly, I have days like this. I am at a career peak that even 5 years ago was unthinkable.
My sister complained to my mother about how lucky I've always got in life (I haven't, she knows nothing about my life) and my mum in her infinite wisdom (that's sarcasm, it's rare said back that luck had nothing to do with it. It was sheer brute determination and brains.

My mum was right and she would say the same thing to you. A company doesn't throw 50mill at a possibly good outcome. It's a sure thing. This is why they have so much money to spend. Making the right decisions.

Imposter syndrome is a serious issue and women (I can't speak for men) really suffer from it in corporate life.
There is no escaping it, but you have to back chat that bastard with force and the voice gets quieter. It won't disappear probably, but you'll keep reins on it.

You did good. You are worthy and worth this deal.
You will make it work and succeed. Have the faith in you that others have in you and then come on here and brag. I'm proud of you.

NeurotrashWarrior · 11/10/2019 21:31

Congratulations! You rock!

Bluefargo · 12/10/2019 12:37

Well done!! You will deliver on the deal by working really bloody hard at it and using your monumental talents (that you can't see)

thirdfiddle · 12/10/2019 12:49

I think moving on to the next challenge (delivering this contract? Or winning the next?) is how successful people work. It doesn't mean you can't name drop "when we won the xyz contract" into every meeting for the next 5 years. Take your team out for drinks, by all means.

GrumpyGran8 · 12/10/2019 13:10

Anyone who isn't some sort of psychopath gets imposter syndrome from time to time, and it usually seems to afflict the most successful and talented people.

I found an article which has some good tips for tackling it: www.mindtools.com/pages/article/overcoming-impostor-syndrome.htm

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