My 'Patriarchy Chicken' Week

[WomanBornNotWorn]

Probably because I'm going to the A Woman's Place event in Brighton tonight, I've decided that this week I will mostly be playing Patriarchy Chicken.

If you haven't heard of it, it's a game where a woman walks down the pavement without getting out of the way of men - and then sees what happens.

Players report men cannoning into them, physically moving them out of the way, knocking with elbows and backpacks, with incredulous stares, insults, or 'sorry didn't see you'.

I've never really thought about it - I'm 5'8" so the size of the average British man, so maybe it doesn't affect me as much as other women.

But this week I'm consciously going to test - do they see me? And do they expect me to move out of their lane?

I'll let you know what happens.

thestand-online.com/2019/04/03/i-played-patriarchy-chicken-for-a-week/

In a different town today, very hilly with narrow pavements, I generally picked the left lane and stayed in it.

Three lots of people walking in twos: Two slow women in front of me ignored the possibility anyone might need to get past, two men fell into single file and two women squished closer together.

Little boy staring at phone would have run into me if I hadn't coughed! Then he looked up and at the road.

On a very narrow pavement, one man saw me approaching and stood in the gutter so I could pass, so he got a big 'thank you'.

Age, sex, numbers - no real conclusions, other than some are paying attention and some aren't!

Walking on the left isn't a thing.

It is, though it may be less marked in multicultural cities. I didn't notice it was a thing until I lived in the US for a couple of years and initially found I kept having to do the corridor dance - till I realised that I was still walking on the left and the Americans were walking on the right. I'd never been conscious of it until then.

Walking on the left isn't a thing.

I think it is (for what that's worth). I grew up in a left-hand-drive country, and now live in a right-hand-drive one, and it seems to hold true for walking, escalators and so on.

Assuming you live in a country that drives on the left, then walk on the left, too.

It is really important when walking along unpaved roads to walk on the side facing oncoming traffic.

Which in the UK means walking on the right.

It is incredibly dangerous to walk on the left if there is no pavement. On pavements there are no rules.

It is incredibly dangerous to walk on the left if there is no pavement.

Except on right hand blind corners.

Of course there's no actual 'rule' about walking on pavements and in corridors - and yet I found I'd unconsciously absorbed the unwritten norm.

It is really important when walking along unpaved roads to walk on the side facing oncoming traffic.

Come on, we all know that!

But unpaved, or footpath-less roads are far less common, and there also tends to be far less foot traffic, and therefore people to play 'patriarchy chicken' with!

If you walk on the right, you will encounter far more people coming your way, and many of them will look at you as if you're being annoying / clueless.

Your choice.

The only unwritten norm I'm familiar with when it comes to pavements is that adults walk near the traffic, children away from it.

And amongst the older generation some still expect a man to walk traffic side when alongside or passing a woman.

My partner once got an earful from a rather elderly gentleman for not walking on the traffic side of me. We didn't have the heart to tell him I always walk on my partner's right because he's deaf in his left ear.

Come on, we all know that!

Posters here might but I see people walking on the left of busy A roads all the time so clearly a lot of people don't know.

Anyway - if you don't like men barging into you and thinking they have the right of footpath way - kept to the left, and it'll happen a lot less frequently to you.

And as an added bonus, you'll be annoying far fewer people, too!

I live in an area with very high air pollution and I am always going to default to the inside of the pavement when I'm out with my small children regardless of anyone else's so-called rules.

Do that - feel free to ignore the 'rules', they're only unspoken after all (so as to make life slightly easier for everyone ).

But if you're playing 'patriarchy chicken' while doing it, or thinking you're more entitled / have the right of way - know that you're being annoying.

A man on the school run (walk down narrow lane) with massive golfing umbrella knocking women, children and other men down like pins as he bowled through. I did not move from my side of the path and just kept going. He had to pause, step slightly to one side and continue. Queue huffing, mithering and harrumphing as he put down his brolly.

Reader... it wasn’t raining.

I agree that there is a tendency among some people to walk on the left because of driving on the left, but it is far from any kind of 'rule',written or unwritten.

My unwritten rule when passing someone is that I will always pass a more vulnerable person on the road side, regardless of whether that is left or right, and regardless of whether I am facing them or overtaking them. By vulnerable I mean buggies, children, elderly, visually impaired, heavily laden etc. Though if the road side has, say, a grass verge, making it harder for them to manoeuvre, then I will pass on that side.

TLDR: I will guess the needs of the other and try to respect them. If I don't guess that they are more vulnerable than me, then it's manners dance or patriarchy chicken all the way.

I started doing this in a small pub I'm a regular in.

I noticed that, when a woman is in a man's way, he will put his hand on her and 'guide' her out of his way. Whereas, when a man is in his way, he'll just say, "excuse me, mate".

So I decided to start 'owning my space' and expect the same level of courtesy. It was fascinating. Some men just repeatedly tried to move me out of the way moving their hand from my elbow to my waist to my shoulder...; very occasionally a man would say, "excuse me, love" 🙄; but what happened most frequently was that they'd try a couple of times, look a bit confused and then give up before turning to another man and saying, "excuse me, mate".

It was fascinating.

Oh I also started doing the hand on the back to guide men out of the way (when they'd ignored my "excuse me").

They're not used to it. No one refused but the number of shocked expressions and double takes were many.

I concluded that it's human nature to move when someone applies pressure to your body but that it's out of the realm of experience of a lot of men and especially when coming from a much smaller woman.

I have to say I always watch these threads.

I haven't encounter it, I have been more concous when walking about. But have found the game never works because people have automatically changed direction some way ahead so we don't even come close. On very odd occasions that I've been knocked into, we have both apologised and move on, and it's not mainly men.

I concluded I must just be very scary. I don't make eye contact with people often either.

But reading about walking on the left may have the answer. I have no idea if walk to the left or not. But will take note next time I'm out.

As a blind woman who walks around with a white stick and genuinely can’t see where the fuck she’s going, I can confirm that in general men are watching where they’re going, because the people who walk right into me are of both sexes. One day I was walking through my busy little city and there was a couple walking towards me talking. The bloke went around me but the woman carried on and tripped right over my white stick and fell over. I did offer to lend her my spare if she needed it. Much amusement ensued, from me.

So yes, men in general do watch where they’re going, so if they’re not getting out the road it’s 90% likely that they are choosing not to.

I played this in my gym. I'd never given it much thought before. In one of the classes I noticed a tall man always marched over to the hanging mats and put his mat away. Previously when we had got there at the same time, I'd stepped aside for him. This time I didn't step aside and continued to put mine away first. He seemed a bit taken aback, I guess he was so used to people allowing him priority.
Coming down the stairs in the gym a group of about 4 men were stood in the way. I just walked right up to them until they moved. Previously I'd have stopped and said excuse me. They were apologetic.
With regards to touching people in pubs I think I've been doing this to m e n for ages. I find if I just politely request them to move out of the way they ignore me. Saying excuse me whilst putting my hand on their back and gently pushing them aside always works. They always stop talking, usually apologise and move out of the way.

Speaking of people who feel entitled to take their half of the road out of the middle: elderly Chinese and double plus elderly Chinese men in San Francisco. I know it's cultural high respect for elderly and even higher for men but it's still super-annoying when some rando male geezer rugby-tackles you into a seated passenger because you don't count for squat in his world.

And there's not even any point trying to do a patriarchy chicken run. They're so full of themselves, that's when I found out you just get mowed down.

I've never seen even a middle aged Chinese man do it, and certainly not a young one. So maybe things are looking up.

Everyone being very observant at the station today - except the small older woman with giant pully case who kept stopping in the middle of the lane, lucky there wasn't a pile up behind her. Sensible single file mainly.

@youkiddingme

You can play too, just exchange your white indicator stick for a cattle prod

I’m pretty sure it’s a height thing rather than a patriarchy thing. I’m quite tall, around six foot once I’ve put on shoes. I often don’t notice shorter people unless they are very far away or until I nearly step on them because they are to short to come into my peripheral vision unless I am looking at my feet.

I'm tall, quite hefty, short sighted and astigmatic. I often don't trust my ability to stay out of incidents - I'm not what you'd call deft or a fast mover. And I'm always scared of hurting smaller slighter people, so making myself do the Gentleman Jack stride on Monday was quite unusual - I enjoyed it but doubt I'd have done it if there'd been many people around. Maybe my size means I just get seen and acknowledged, unless people are so far engrossed in phone, conversation of thoughts to notice anyone.

So in conclusion, I didn't really notice the patriarchy in action - my few near misses involved four various women and a boy, and my considerate path users were all men.