What is ‘gender’?

[Birdsfoottrefoil]

Just been asked this by my dc who has SEN but old enough to start hearing about this at school (Upper Primary age). I could do with a good simple answer. Language needs to be straightforward but accurate to help protect against this harmful ideology. My first attempt probably just confused things.

Any help?

Sex is male/female, your biology. You don’t get to choose it, it is what it is.

Gender is masculine/feminine, the things that society associated with your sex - but that is imposed and can, and should be, ignored. So gender is like saying football is for boys, baking is for girls.

Not liking the things that society says are associated with your sex doesn’t mean you have to change - so if your a boy who likes baking and Barbie that’s absolutely fine, you crack on. You don’t need to change anything about yourself.

Gender does not equal personality.

Generally if you are male and female. Id checked why shes asking before you go down the ideology route

There are a few different usages / meanings which doesn't help.

Thank you. ‘Masculine’ and ‘feminine’ are a bit too abstract concepts. And I don’t think he has much concept of ‘girls don’t play football, or boys can’t pretend to be a Disney princess (even though obviously they aren’t one)’ because he knows they do. There aren’t any boy toys or girl toys in this house - just toys. I could do with talking a bit more about sex stereotypes; clothes might be a good one for that.

Yes, I think it was a question really about sex (what is your gender?) so I could just say ‘it means are you a boy or girl’. But that isn’t accurate.

Gender is made up nonsense that some people believe because it suits them. Does that work for you?

Ask him what he thinks it is and why he asked and take it from there

I don’t think he has much concept of ‘girls don’t play football, or boys can’t pretend to be a Disney princess (even though obviously they aren’t one)’ because he knows they do. There aren’t any boy toys or girl toys in this house - just toys. I could do with talking a bit more about sex stereotypes; clothes might be a good one for that.

That's because the concept of gender is absolutely bonkers in the first place, it doesn't make sense.

Gender is stuff other people think you should like or do because you’re a boy or a girl.

So boys like cars, Girls princesses etc. And it’s all rubbish because anyone can like or do anything they want to.

Yeah if hes got SN, first thing i would be doing is finding out why hes asking. Going GC is really going to confuse if for example hes trying to work out if hes needing to put male or female on a form that's asking for gender.

If its a more philosophical musing id start with what do you think, what have you been told . Does that make sense to you? Type questions. Then you can present more gender critical views "i think..." in a much softer way if its appropriate and needed.

working that works for me but doesn’t really explain what the nonsense is or why some people believe it.

I think my problem is I could explain what sex stereotypes are but then need to explain why there are so many references by adults/official organisations to something that is made up rubbish.

He know about religion and how some people believe different things to us so may be linking it to religion might be the way to go.

need to explain why there are so many references by adults/official organisations to something that is made up rubbish

The same reason people believe / believed the Jewish conspiracy, and for the reason people hurt others if someone in a white coat tell them too (Milgram experiment).

It's easy to follow, people are cowardly and like to follow.
It's called obedience to authority,

Human naturally follow a hierarchy, and most will follow someone they believe is in charge.

I think that most people use it as a straight synonym for sex.

I know that some feminists use it to mean "gender norms" or "the social system that governs the relations between the sexes" but I don't think that anyone else does.

The Gender ID people have tried to change the meaning to something which is basically "social sex" (the sex that people believe you are) and tried to claim that this is unrelated to biological sex, on the basis of a totally mad postmodern ideology that claims that our beliefs are not in any way related to truth - we just believe anything we feel like.

But I still don't get what is wrong with just using it as a synonym for biological sex, which is how I think most people use it.

But I still don't get what is wrong with just using it as a synonym for biological sex, which is how I think most people use it

Because they aren’t synonyms and very soon he is going be trained in the gender religion including those dreadful pieces by the BBC telling children there are 100 genders. Or that if you like things stereotypically associated with the opposite sex then you are transgender and to contact trans organisations who will tell him all the difficulties he experiences due to his SEN will disappear upon transitioning...

I am the parent of a son with SN (ASD in his case). Speaking from experience, if you can prevent exposure of your ds to thus ideology before you are comfortable he can assimilate it without distress or applying it inappropriately to his own situation, do so.
My ds suffered considerable confusion and distress after exposure to the ludicrous narrative about males becoming females, born in the wrong body etc. We dealt with it with robust application of logic and his own sound scientific knowledge but he could have done without it.

Non-SEN version: Gender is sexism - the idea that particular personality traits, tastes or preferences are intrinsic to one sex or the other. That doesn't mean that those who believe in gender are intentionally sexists but they have a lot of unexamined assumptions that are rooted in unintended sexism.

How to simplify that depends on the nature of the SEN.

People believe what they believe.

Gender = 'sex stereotype'.

Substitute 'sex stereotype' wherever it is used. Works quite well.

Obviously on official forms it's used a lot because it avoids saying the naughty word 'sex'. This linguistic prudery is one reason why we have ended up in the mess we are in.

I am not sure it was linguistic prudery but rather planned as part of the role out of transideology

I think that most people use it as a straight synonym for sex

Well, they are incorrect in doing that. And this distinction needs to be made clearer.

Sex is straightforward: biological and genetic. It just is. You cannot change it.

'Gender' is a set of behaviours, mannerism and traits associated with each sex. Some people may align quite closely with some aspects of their gender, but not with others - because in modern societies individuals tend to have more freedom of personal expression.

Sex is your biology, your body.

Gender is how your society expects you to act based on your sex.
So it could be the clothes you wear, your hairstyle, or the type of job you do. In some countries the rules are quite strict and people can get into trouble for breaking them.

Just try to keep it real for him.
Gender used to mean whether you are male or female, as a synonym for "sex". And it is also a grammatical system that helps languages eg the French, to know whether to end a noun in et or ette. Masculine/feminine nouns.

Now it's become a belief system where people believe they can choose whether they are a man or a woman, or something else. Humans can't change sex and never will be able to.
It's best to be polite to people who believe in gender, but you don't have to as well.

I'd advise your son about stereotypes. Girls and boys aren't inherently attracted to certain activities/jobs (eg pink/blue) but are encouraged to by society around us.
They do have biological differences.

I would take the same approach as when my daughter asks me about god and souls and heaven and such.

“Some people believe... (X) ...but there’s no evidence for it.”

“Some people believe... that if you are female but like stereotypical ‘boy things’ then you are ‘really a boy inside’ but I think that’s absurd.”

“Some people believe men’s and women’s brains are inherently different and that is possible for a woman to be born with ‘a mans brain’ but this has not been demonstrated scientifically to be the case, any more than the weight of a soul could be measured (yes that experiment has been tried).’

Etc