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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Does lying about contraception make it rape?

30 replies

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 19/09/2019 13:17

A man convicted of rape after lying about having a vasectomy is appealing his conviction

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-49734484

(Sorry if the link has worked properly)

My instinct is that morally this is rape. I will be interested to see if they decide it is legally rape.

OP posts:
walkinginawinterwonderland1 · 19/09/2019 20:12

@bd67th yes absolutely, I think it should always be spoken about in a relationship to make sure both sides are on the same page and happy. I take responsibility taking the pill but that's my choice and my partner trusts me, totally get women who don't want to do this in which case the man needs to do his part and be responsible.

@LordRandallXV I also know of quite a few situations where this has happened and it's usually been to try and fix a broken relationship and try to keep the man around when they never wanted a child at that time, they were just trusting their partner, i just could never ever do it to someone I loved!

BarbariansMum · 20/09/2019 09:25

I dont think it should be classed as rape, I think there is enough confusion about what rape actually is in general, and once you start adding beliefs about your partner into the consent process it just gets muddy beyond belief. If you agree to sex because he says he's single but it turns out he's married, is it then rape because you wouldnt have consented if youd known? I dont think it is helpful to go down that path.

If there is going to be a separate offence regarding contraceptive deception then so be it, but it will need to apply to both sexes.

Bluntness100 · 20/09/2019 09:30

I don't think it's rape. Plenty of women have purposefully deceived men into conceiving, I don't think I've ever heard it classified as rape.

However it is something, it's deceptive, horrible , but is it a crime, that's for the courts to decide.

bd67th · 20/09/2019 10:19

Plenty of women have purposefully deceived men into conceiving, I don't think I've ever heard it classified as rape.

This again FFS. Women cannot rape because the law defines rape as a crime committed using a penis. Sexual Offences Act 2003, section 1, look it up yourself because I am sick of posting the link. You might argue that a woman purposefully deceiving a man into fatherhood could be classed as sexual assault, but you cannot argue for that to be rape.

The other aspect of this is that no man ever had a baby or had to have an abortion, both physical consequences to the body with associated risks and harms, after unprotected sex. When a man "stealths" a woman, he puts her at risk of physical harm without her consent. Physical harm is not the same as financial liability for a child.

If you agree to sex because he says he's single but it turns out he's married, is it then rape because you wouldnt have consented if youd known?

Here we are back in the interesting territory of trying to decide if and how to legislate sexual ethics. My view on where to draw the line is that you have sex with a person's body, not their marriage certificate and not their paycheck or their job. So if someone lies about an aspect of their body, e.g. their birth sex, their STI status, or their contraceptive use, I'd consider that as possibly criminal sexual offending although you'd have the difficulty of proving intent. If they catfish you or are a cheater using you as their "bit on the side", that's shitty behaviour but should not be criminal.

BarbariansMum · 20/09/2019 10:38

That's an interesting way of looking at it @bd67th. And a good way, I think.

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