Names - I'm not quite sure what to think...

[NemoName]

Can anyone agree or unravel this for me?
Ive always disliked my first name. I kept my maiden name on marriage although I was never that attached to it but I didnt want to change it.
I suppose I feel as if my name is quite an important part of me. Yet its not chosen by me at all. My maiden name refers to my Dad and then his Dad. I'm not - - at all-- close with my Dad. It feels like I have had two major things inflicted upon me.
Its not causing me sleepless nights or anything but I wondered whether it's a feminist reaction or something.
Oh... I do have a grip and am holding it - guess Im just thinking out loud and wonder if anyone feels similarly.

I think I know what you mean, it’s like you don’t get your name, you get property of with the expectation that at some point you will change it to indicate new owner.

Whereas men go from property of to being the ones with property.

Both men and women traditionally have had the name of their father's line. It didn't belong to your father, it belonged to half of your family. When you got it at birth, it became yours. You have the right to change it as an adult. However, you do own it as a birthright. If your parents hyphenated their names and yours, then you have the names of two lines. Nobody can have the names of all the family lines. It's just a representation of your ancestry.

I think the whole point of a family name is it isn't just yours and you don't choose it.

I've got my dad's last name, and for a lot of reasons I do not celebrate my connection with him.

Happily, my last name was also my late aunt's last name, and she was everything to me: role-model, mentor and friend. I look at my last name and I think of her. I would not change it for the world.

Same here, Annie.

I don’t have a particular female relative but I like the principle of honouring the connection to female relatives in general.

Back in the 80s there was a bit of a trend for some radical feminists to do away with the patronymic altogether and just use given names. The one I remember in particular was called Elizabeth Sarah. (Actually, she's the only one I remember so perhaps it wasn't that common after all.)

I struggled with this too, I didn’t want my dads name, I didn’t want my mums maiden name as I didn’t like her dad, I didn’t want my nans maiden name as I didn’t like her dad. It’s weird, I don’t feel like it’s mine at all. Just loads of horrible men going back generations. In the end I took DH’s name, because I quite like him.

Thank you for the giggle myloveforfrazzles, I needed it.

I love my dad and love being part of that lineage. I've also learned to appreciate some of my mum's lineage but the connection is more tentative for me and so I've never been tempted by the name of that side of my heritage.

Changing my name to DH's on marriage would have been an admininistrative nuisance, so I kept my dad's name, even though I quite like my DH too.

I changed my name when I moved away from abusive family. I wanted my name to represent me. The men in my family have been abusive going back generations on both sides. I couldn't understand why anyone would think I would still want to use my abusers surname.

Changing my name felt like claiming back my self and sovereignty, which I suppose came from a place of feminism for me.

I know a couple of other women from similar backgrounds who have done the same, but it doesn't seem to be something that gets openly spoken about very often.

My surname actually comes from a female ancestor way back. A woman born with my surname married a man with a different surname but their children had the mother's name and I'm descended from one of them. I have no idea how this came about, this was in 18th century England.

I changed my name on marriage because my husband has a fabulous name. So much so that my friends commented on how good a fit it was for me and how did I find someone called that, they didn't know the name existed 😁

The Guardian published this back in 2007 - I remember reading it and thinking how ridiculous it was. Now, with age, it all actually seems quite logical!

www.theguardian.com/world/2007/oct/29/gender.familyandrelationships