What I've Learned About Toxic Masculinity As A Trans Man

[stumbledin]

I read this article thinking it would be about how a woman who had decided to transition then found herself part of the patriarchy.

But in fact what it says to me is that young people are being educated to not know or acknowledge the reality of biological sex. And because of this are left trying to understand their reality and the impact of society's gender stereotyping while denying the underlying basis of sex / sexism.

Far from helping young people as they grow up and try to work out how to be comfortable with themselves, trasn activism and language is imposing an additional, and purely notional, social straightjacket that creates further disassociation.

The politics of identity, whose hazy concepts and doublespeak, is an obstacle race that many young people just dont need in their lives.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/toxic-masculinity_uk_5d78ed0fe4b09342507cb2cf?guccounter=1

Oh dear lorddddd.

Is this female born individual trying to identify as a man without relying on the stereotypes they despise - and finding it a little tricky?

It's difficult to tell because what ever they have been told about writing, no one told them that it's meant to be able to communicate ideas effectively.

That is not the fault of an inability to write but rather an inability to think. If you are going to construct a carefully argued piece then you have to think through your argument - and therein lies the problem because by doing that the whole thing unravels

I'm seeing a young person discovering as many of us did in our teens that gender is narrowing and toxic and unnecessary - and then tying themselves in knots trying to express that without departing from woke-speak. They could be millimetres from realising the whole thing is bollocks.

Basically they're saying they don't feel male in the least, don't particular get on with males or identify with the males they know; but do possibly suffer body dysphoria. That's okay. It's okay to be a woman with dysphoria, if you can't find a way to live with your body it's okay as an adult to take hormones or have surgery as a last resort. It's tough medically, but it's okay. It's okay to follow some female stereotypes and some male stereotypes or switch from day to day. It's okay to use whatever name you like. It's okay to be yourself and be individual.

Seems like all these labels are actively hindering this young person in that. They're so close to seeing it though, I hope they get there soon. Particularly if they are considering surgery as that's a major and irreversible step and I would like to be sure they're doing it because of long term dysphoria and not just because it fits a label they are currently clinging to.

Someone has been told since they were very small that gender is a thing, we are all assigned one and so on.

They are now slowly realizing it's total bollocks made up to oppress, and that everyone is different and has their own personality... but to go against the grain here means they were wrong, everything they've been told is wrong.

I would assume there are lots of people in the same position, but the only option given is constant positive affirmation that it's true, anything else is considered conversion therapy.

Tenth word in: Folx

Why is the word “folk” not gender neutral enough?

We already have a word for female-born people who don't act "girly": "tomboy". Why invent complicated multi-word labels like "non-binary transmasculine" when we have "tomboy"?

I totally get the feeling of not being like the other girls (e.g. interested in boy bands and makeup) but not wanting the boy stuff (e.g. watching football and sexually-harassing girls) either and being terribly isolated as a result of having nothing in common with anyone. That isn't about birth sex nor gender stereotypes though, it's about having rare interests and a shortage of like-minded people to bond with.

I really don't like tomboy actually. When people called me that as a child I felt like I was being told I was doing girl wrong. How about just girl who's into ... whatever it is she's into. Geek would have described me quite well, though did like outdoorsy stuff and setting fire to things too. (Or does just "child" cover that one?)

I come back time and again to the idea of the gender tally. How do we collect enough points to ‘pass’ as being male?

But why even bother? Why give a toss about what gets called male? Or female?

@thirdfiddle very well said.

That isn't about birth sex nor gender stereotypes though, it's about having rare interests and a shortage of like-minded people to bond with.

We called it being alternative. Goths, punks, hippies, nerds, rockers all welcome. Just no Sharons or Trevors.

And no one had to chop anything off.

I agree @thirdfiddle, I don't like the word 'tomboy' either. My DD is only two and is getting called a 'tomboy' by nursery staff for liking blue 🙄

Why is the word “folk” not gender neutral enough?

I guess this includes Furry and Pup kin.

So the world becomes #YesAllMen, even when trans masculine people are at higher risk of experiencing sexual assault and have no provision made for them

So they is pretending not to be female, but the world goes right on treating them as the female they obviously is. But there’s no problem in the lovely warm transworld... They know it’s lovely there because they was told it, and when they first got there, they felt that warmth.... And now, if only they could find the right words, or the right way to appeal, they would find that warmth again....

She doesn't like stereotypes but then defines herself using them. She reinforces them and their existence.

Non-binary transmasculine.
So not a stereotypical male but a woman who likes to present in a masculine way.
Why the hell can't she be a woman and present herself however the hell she wants?

not only does she define herself by stereotypes, she takes testosterone to back them up.

and wants surgery to reassign her body to fit her gender identity.

I feel very confused reading it. And more than a bit sad. I'd feel sad at someone having breast surgery for bigger breasts, and sad for someone having mastectomy for a 'more male chest'. Radical self acceptance. Appears to be out of fashion.

For me it’s kinda like she has the time and money to spend thinking about herself all the time

Doesn’t have to worry abou5 paying rent or getting to work on time or all the ordinary stuff I have to do

She’s not so young like a teen

Sometimes I really think all this stuff is for sure a class thing
It’s like all this is really all her life is. There seems to be nothing else in her life

It seems so grim that a women is planning to, have a double mastectomy to what end. What will change for her ?

For me it’s kinda like she has the time and money to spend thinking about herself all the time

Doesn’t have to worry abou5 paying rent or getting to work on time or all the ordinary stuff I have to do

You've nailed it there. This gender identity movement is self-absorbed narcissism that only those with time and money can indulge in. Compare and contrast the transsexual prostitutes in Brazil, murdered so often by men that they rent their bodies to to fund their treatment. There's a massive difference between bona fida dysphoria and this self-indulgent whining, which is why gender dysphoria needs to stay in the diagnostic manuals and the GRA needs to keep the medical gatekeeping element.

They are now slowly realizing it's total bollocks made up to oppress, and that everyone is different and has their own personality... but to go against the grain here means they were wrong, everything they've been told is wrong.

All women face this hurdle. All women struggle with the realisation that everything we've been told is a lie. The femininity lie, the equality lie - they're so very hard to face up to.

They're trying so hard on the personal consciousness-raising front, but patriarchy is fighting back by doing everything it can to deny them access to the only people who won't simply reaffirm and soothe them back into acceptance of the lies.

Personally I'm looking forward to the day we see an article entitled What I've Learned About Toxic Femininity As A Trans Man.

(Vaguely aware there's a space for someone to write What I've Learned About Toxic Femininity As A Woman, too. And that I could probably have a good crack at What I've Learned About Toxic Femininity As A Woman Who Has Managed To Avoid Being A Transman To Cure 'Gender Dysphoria' Through The Sheer Good Fortune Of Not Having Been Indoctrinated With This Iteration Of The Bullshit Early Enough.)

We called it being alternative. Goths, punks, hippies, nerds, rockers all welcome. Just no Sharons or Trevors

Showing your age there, MrsTP - they were all called Kevs by the time I was fifteen.

Body mods were a thing in a lot of the music subcultures though, weren't they? Which is not usually actually chopping bits off, but it's somewhere on the same spectrum in terms of permanently changing your external body appearance as a result of where your head's currently at.

"I was assigned female at birth but my discomfort in my body has more to do with stereotypes or societal norms.
Because of this, I take testosterone, and am on the waiting list for what is known as ‘top surgery’ – a double mastectomy"

This is the biggest "does not follow" I've ever read in my life. The word "because" is mangled beyond the wildest sense of its meaning.

I actually had to re-read to check I hadn't missed a para. How do people live their lives by this kind of "logic"?

"Because there are oppressive gender stereotypes, I plan surgery" does not compute.

@Tyrotoxicity so true!

We had body mod friends but most stuck to piercing, some tattoos and a few under skin or weird corset things. But very few.

popehilarious it's perfectly logical, it's just backwards.

Body/stereotype mismatch problem - solution is either change the body or change the stereotype. Changing the body's the easier short term option for the individual.

What's needed is stepping back and realising that the mismatch is an illusion built out of the misperception and conflation of "female" and "feminine". With "woman" having being co-opted as a means to further trick the brain and lead it up the garden path to distract it from noticing.

They're stealing "woman" from us because we're breaking the female-feminine link successfully enough in sufficient numbers - we're not at critical patriarchy-smashing mass yet; they're redefining "woman" to trick our brains into getting tangled up trying to resolve the mismatch between what we are and what they want us to be instead of noticing. This is how class Man reasserts dominance.

There's a kind of stony truth to that sequence.

Angela Carter, where are you?

I'm reminded of the 'real' Cinderella story where the Ugly Sisters' feet don't fit in the tiny glass slipper, so their mother cuts off pieces of their feet so that the bleeding stumps will slide in.