Lundy Bancroft: why does he do that?

[Knewmee]

I’ve just been reading this brilliant book and wanted to recommend it to anyone who hasn’t read it. It is a book about abusive men and what motivates them - not necessarily violent men, but controlling and manipulative men, men who engage in the sexualisation of subordination, dominance, control, playing this out at home, at work, anywhere really. Colleagues, lovers, brothers.

It’s made me see past relationships in a whole new way - and has been such a great support and confidence builder. Do read it if you haven’t! I just wish it was given to all 16 year olds....so many mistakes could be avoided. You don’t need to be a victim of domestic violence to benefit from it.

Thanks for the reminder. I have the book and started reading it, but got distracted as usual. Must pick it up again.

As you say it is really insightful on how abusive and controlling men operate and I do wish there was a way to get this book on the curriculum in every high school. Girls and boys should all be made to read and discuss it.

I agree OP, it's a great book! I also love how the male writer states very clearly at the beginning that he will only be referring to male abusers, since the vast majority of abusers are male. Same with Gavin de Becker's book. Men who work with abusive violent males know the truth and they refuse to change their language to accommodate MRAs and their misguided female supporters.

I also recommend another book written by a man on a similar topic, it's called Psychopath Free by Jackson Mackenzie. I found this book super useful alongside Lundy and Gavin's books after leaving a psychopathic domestic abuser. I also credit these books with making me aware of gaslighting and red flags in many situations.

I think it is an interesting book - but please, if possible pay for it. I saw a link to a free PDF copy on here the other day.

Interestingly, when I last looked I saw that Lundy Bancroft didn’t have a Wikipedia profile. His work seems to be advertised through women on forums.

I have been lurking on MN for a while, my English is not that good, so I will not post much, but I have to share this. Lundy Bancroft's work is absolutely amazing and has helped many women but he personally is a predator, so don't feel bad for reading PDF and not supporting his work financially.

radfemspiraling.wordpress.com/2018/09/23/watch-metoo-my-lundy-bancroft-nightmare-1-of-3-on-youtube/

That video is unavailable Donna. Do you have any other links?

@WichBitchHarpyTerfThatsMe

There were three videos by the same woman talking about her #metoo experience with LB on YT, but were taken down soon after that blog was written. There was discussion about it on FC under this article, if you scroll down a bit www.feministcurrent.com/2018/09/01/societies-claim-support-womens-rights-misogyny-continue-flourish/

And this is a statement of another woman which was linked under one of the videos:

“My name is Evin Phoenix, and I’m the founder of a feminist healing community with over 700 members in the DC area. I’m a trauma expert from my own survival story, as well as academic study with a degree in psychology. This year, I’ll be presenting a talk on trauma and feminist healing to the American Psychological Association’s annual convention.

A came to me with her concerns about LB. It’s my personal and professional opinion that he is a dangerous abuser who fits a profile as a predator. His tactics of love bombing, targeting, grooming, disregard for emotional and physical boundaries (including his “massage sessions” in his workshops that HE participates in with women - a clear boundary violation), and other patterns fit a profile of sociopathic behavior. At a minimum, he does not have professional credentials or a license to practice counseling and has clear ethical violations by engaging in inappropriate dual relationships with the women he coaches, according to multiple accounts."

Thanks Donna.

That’s a shame. His book nailed a few things for me. It’s very widely recommended on the relationship boards here.

Hmm I'll have to dig more into that to find what evidence there is against him. I've seen some angry MRA types online who hate his guts and think he's a "mangina".

Patricia Evan's book The Verbally Abusive Relationship is pretty amazing, too. Both books have changed my life.

Oh that's a real shame. His book has been invaluable to so many women.