Trans kids in boarding schools

[happydappy2]

I recently had a conversation with a Dad whose 15yo daughter has a trans kid (female) in their yr group, and boarding house. He thought it was a good thing for their child to be exposed to as it is something this generation need to deal with-its part of life now isn't it. I was slightly shocked and explained how harmful the reality of the future facing that female child could be-untested drugs and off label hormone treatment, drop in IQ-possible mastectomy, Loss of sexual function etc etc, not to mention harmful affects of Lupron with regards bone density & muscle atrophy. He really didn't know anything about this and couldn't really fathom why I was so against it. I tried explaining that if adults stopped telling this poor child, she could be a boy, it might be better for her, after puberty she would most likely be a healthy lesbian. He is a well educated, kind man, but I am so disheartened that he would assume trans kids is a natural thing...anyone got any further advice on how I can make him see the reality. (I didn't even get round to mentioning ROGD as I could tell everyone else at the table was uncomfortable with the disagreement.) Thanks.

How is medication and surgery natural?

Would he feel the same about being good for her to deal with if she shared a dorm with transidentified boys/men? Had to change in front of them? Being told she is transphobic if she wasn’t prepared to date/sleep with them? If she was keen on sport but had boys competing against her just because ‘they felt like girls’? Or if she was told that her interest in STEM and/or liking short hair meant she must be trans?

Ask him to give you an example of another mental condition that is treated by mutilating a healthy body.

I think you covered most of the important points. Maybe you've sown a seed of doubt.

There are also other psychological issues that often go untreated nowadays, once a child is given a GD diagnoses.

Ask him how would feel if it was his own child who was considering a double mastectomy, a lifetime on drugs that could adversely affect her and also a lifetime of coping with cognitive dissonance.

People are far more cautious and protective of their own children. It's easy to say of someone else's 'Well, that's their choice' but very different when it's your own child. Personalise it. I've found it works. Turns it from an issue that only affects other people to an issue that might actually affect them.

According to Girlguiding a female to male transgender person should be sleeping, showering, dressing with the boys. No room for such a person in GG.
How would he feel if this girl was told to go to the boys' dorm or to an all boys school? Because that's what GG say.

Thank fuck the school still knows what biological sex is, small mercies!

I would screw up my face in confusion and ask why he thought it appropriate for his teenaged daughter to be housed with a boy.

Shouldn’t the boy transfer to a boys’ house and room with a boy his age?

If not, why not?

DH was all about the understanding and open mindedness when it was hypothetical unfamiliar children.

Then a girl we’ve known since she in reception transitioned, and at 19 is recovering from a double mastectomy and taking testosterone, and he is horrified - keeps muttering ‘Except she’ll never really be a man. So what the fuck is the point of it?’

It’s so bloody sad.

I think it is presented as being a natural state and he hadn’t thought any more about it. My sister was the same and I ended up ranting to her about the mutilation that would follow.

Hopefully you will have sewn a seed of doubt in the minds of those who were listening. It can take a while for the penny to really drop, but when it does, horror sets in,

Sown. Not sewn...

I used to work in Boaeding. Like @BickerinBrattle I’d be wondering which was the appropriate boarding house. It’s a big issue, even if for on,y a small percentage of people.

I used to work in Boarding. Like @BickerinBrattle I’d be wondering which was the appropriate boarding house. It’s a big issue, even if for on,y a small percentage of people.

Thats weird. I posted and it wouldn’t go. Spotted an error. Corrected. Tried again. Now both have posted.

Double mastectomy in a young girl

Then that won’t make them a man

Then some drugs.

Won’t make them a man

Then what. ?
Nothing is the end game nothing. Just a mutilated medicated young girl

I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that all the reasons this young trans person shouldn’t be housed with boys or transfer to a boys school make it perfectly clear that she’s a girl — with a body that includes, to use Haxxor’s wording, an unpatchable security vulnerability.

I think growing up female, in a misogynistic world, gives you an insight into what teen girls face that adult men cannot easily share.

Perhaps find out the proportion of teen girls transitioning (80% I heard?) compared to teen boys. Or send him the insightful Twitter thread by “Charlie” recently (thread in front page re this).

The vast majority of people aren't aware of the intricacies and issues in the trans debate. It takes a lot of time and effort to research and read and understand all the different strands. The trans stuff touches so many areas, it's hard to keep track of it all.

So it's unsurprising that if you've only heard bits and pieces from popular culture and mainstream news that you won't have come across the sort of nuanced and complex biological and medical critique of the sort that happens here.

Don't expect people to immediately change their mind when presented with the facts and rational arguments. That's not how opinions and decisions usually form. It's more about planting seeds of doubt and critical thinking. The issues you've highlighted will hopefully stick in his mind even if it's initially dismissed as an overreaction.

Weeks or months from now he might see a news headline or hear something in conversation that piques his interest and might trigger some deeper introspection. Questions will slowly start to surface or he might say something and get the standard TRA mantras or reasons in response which end up being more baffling or weird.
At this point, hopefully it will spur him to think and research a bit more instead of filing it away as 'best not to get involved'.

All you can do is raise questions and point out issues without framing it as a confrontation. It's surprising for folk because they haven't really spent much time thinking about it all. Once the seeds are planted, it might bloom under the right circumstances.