I’d been struggling with embracing my new identity — not the liking women bit (that I had down pat), but the uprooting-my-entire-sense-of-self bit
This makes very little sense to me.
My own sexuality-story is as follows: when I was a teen, my first inklings of sexual attraction and feeling began to emerge, and they were all directed at women (I had to make something up when a group of us were sat around saying what famous men we fancied, and in a panic I landed on Arnold Schwarzenegger — in 2001! — because I thought I couldn't go wrong with someone that manly-muscular… how wrong I was 😆). At that point I thought I must be a lesbian.
As I got a little older, sexual feelings towards men started to appear too. Over time, with various levels of attraction to various individuals coming and going, I came to the conclusion I'm bisexual with a strong bias towards women both sexually and romantically, but still capable of a sexual and romantic relationship with a man.
And AT NO POINT during any of these evolutions of my sexual self-understanding did I have to "uproot my entire sense of self". It's just my sexuality, not my whole self! Does she not have anything more interesting to define herself by? I mean, yeah, the sex of those persons you'd consider fucking or cuddling or retiring to the country with is an aspect of yourself, as is the extent to which you choose to participate in any associated subcultures or politics.
But a slight tweak in that — in her case, accepting she's a lesbian rather than attracted to men at all, and in mine, concluding I'm bisexual rather than a lesbian — doesn't require a complete reconceptualisation of self unless you believe that that's the only important aspect of yourself. I've remained recognisably the same person since well before those first teenage inklings, albeit continuously changing and developing the way everyone does. If anything were to require or cause a wholesale upheaval and overturning of my sense of self, it wouldn't be a minor adjustment to my understanding of my sexual preferences.
Oh and if you'd genuinely enjoy fucking someone who has a cock, and are not just telling yourself that you could enjoy it as long as the cock belonged to a transwomen so that you don't feel guilty about being "trans-exclusionary", then you're not a lesbian (obvs), but we all know that.