Why gives women low self-esteem?

[PleaseHelpM3]

And how come men seem to know how to work this to their advantage?

Please help me understand this. I'm in a bit of a low spot (explanation in my other thread should you wish to search).

Why wouldn't men, in general, see the benefit to themselves of living in a world where they treat women, in general, well?

Feeling so sad and MN and the women here seem to be the only people helping so thought I'd continue my brain splurge.

A combination of life circumstances and upbringing can give anyone (male or female) low self-esteem. Some people are just not nice, and like to boost their own feeling of self-worth and control by using others' low self-esteem to their advantage. There are specific ways men do this to women, but there are certainly women who prey on people's insecurities too. Sorry you're feeling low.

Sorry you're feeling low. Me too at the mo.

I do think the way women tend to be expected to be apologetic and often men can get away with barely ever admitting they're wrong can add to it.

Constant objectification of women adds to low self esteem. Also expectations of being good at a career, the house, having children and being slim and fabulous.

Constant visual imagery of this unobtainable holy grail makes us feel like a failure.

Another element can be imposter syndrome, which women tend to suffer from more.

In my own personal experience, low self esteem can easily be caused by and preyed upon by women as well. I don't think it's a gender thing so much as some people are arse holes and other people aren't.

I'm extremely privileged and have no right to any kind of victim status.

But I've had men go out of their way to lower my confidence. To attack my ideas, my being in the world, in their world. They seemed to regard it as important to do this. My father did this.

Conversely, I've had both men and women work with me to treat me well and to improve my work. And I've had both men and women ignore opportunities to do that.

To attack my ideas, my being in the world

Yes I've had this. It's subtle too. I said to a friend recently I've always felt I have to be clear on facts and info so as not to look or sound stupid and especially in front of men. Including Dh sometimes. She was surprised but I think it seems to matter to me that I as a women am not belittled or get that "ah women eh" thing. But maybe I'm extra sensitive to it?

People who try to undermine other people generally do so because they have terribly low self esteem themselves.

Indeed dp, is female low self esteem any different to that in males?
Is it fundamentally a manifestation of patriarchy /captitalism?

Some people do this, I think they tend to be manipulators.

I have known some men like this, but I'd not have said it was more common. I know my grandfather was like that, and in his case I think it was a reflection of a serious drinking problem and whatever lay behind that, as it stopped when he became sober.

I'm sorry you're feeling low OP, remember to look after yourself and practice good self care.

Low self esteem is often caused by a less than ideal childhood, in both sexes. On one end this could mean physical abuse, on another end it could be an absent parent away a lot at work, or a parent with a personality disorder incapable of providing for the child emotionally. All of these things mean the child grows up to see themselves as unlovable because they don't understand that they are not the problem. There are other causes for it too but these are the biggest causes.

Predatory people, of both sexes, have a radar of working out who has low self esteem. Kind of like how a lion knows which animal to target in a herd. Sometimes these people also have personality disorders, like psychopathy or NPD. They then target and revictimise the person with low self esteem who, due to weak or no boundaries and feeling undeserving of love, are much easier to target and manipulate than people with good self esteem and healthy boundaries.

Thankfully, with therapy, self care and doing inner work (lots of good books on this topic) it's possible to heal the childhood wounds, learn boundaries and improve your self esteem. This in turn starts to repel the abusers and manipulators because they don't like people with boundaries.

I have some good book recommendations on the topic if this is helpful. I wasn't sure if this is the kind of thing you meant, but reading your post it seems like you have had a bad experience with someone and feel like you have low self esteem so hopefully this helps.

Update: I've just seen your other thread and yes, looks like you were targeted by a narcissist. It is very painful but gets better. Book and youtube recommendations are:

• Boundaries after a pathological relationships
• Psychopath Free by Jackson Mackenzie
• Red flags of a narcissist series by Dana on Youtube:

In work- if your employee has low self esteem you can get away with paying her a crap salary and she won't ask for better pay or conditions. If you don't spend time and effort fostering your work subordinate's confidence and helping her to learn new skills, you can leave her doing most of the boring low value shitwork for as long as possible while you do all the high value cool stuff and look amazing. If she gets depressed and leaves or becomes unproductive and has to be edged out, it doesn't matter cos new grads are cheap and plentiful, you can just get another one.

I get a lot of unsolicited advice from men, some of whom I know, others are complete strangers who approach me in the street.

I'm sure they believe they're just being helpful, but the subtext is that I am incompetant and unable to navigate adult life without their guidance. Conversely, their self-image must be extremely flattering to themselves: omni-competant, omni-knowledgeable protectors of adle-brained woman-children!

Internalising their view of me would, of course, be devastating for my self esteem.

Does anyone else recognise this?