TW in lesbian social group

[magnoliastellata]

I've changed my name for this post. I'm a GC lesbian and I've been going to one particular social group for the last couple of years. We organise meet-ups through a closed FB group. There are probably about 50 of us but we don't all know each other or all meet up at any one time so I'm constantly meeting members I don't know. Anyone wishing to be involved needs to be introduced by someone already in the group. There is no specific NoTW rule but I would say that most women involved are GC and when we say 'lesbian' we don't mean someone with a dick. There are a couple of woke and blissfully-unthinking women but we're a closed FB group with a requirement that new recruits are vouched for by existing members precisely because we want to avoid being infiltrated by men.

I've missed the last couple of months' activities but went for a walk and then to a pub with the dykes last Sunday. We were joined by a number of other group members and an individual some of the women greeted by name and seemed to know.

I know women come in all shapes and sizes and styles and I respect that. The group includes some very masculine-looking women but I've never mistaken them for men. All I can say is that this person is very unusual looking; very pronounced jaw and heavy brow, no hips or bottom and what I think might be described as a beer belly with what looked to me more like moobs than boobs resting on top. They also had a very, very deep voice. My instinctive response to the entire package was 'Man alert, unidentified man in the lesbian group!'

I talked to this individual and their girlfriend for some time. Just the usual getting-to-know-you chat. The girlfriend seemed very subdued and nervous. The other one, the one who was already known to some of the group, stuck rigidly to vague factual information about the area of work they're in and their recent holiday and chose their words very carefully.

It turns out that neither lives in the area and that they'd driven more than 100 miles to get to the pub that night. The one I think may be a man was born locally and is a friend of a woman in the group (not one of the women who was there that night) and has, through her, gained access and attended occasional events.

I was given a lift home afterwards and as soon as the car started I asked the other three if anyone else had any concerns. Turns out that though the others in the car are GC and though they'd thought there was something weird, no one had wanted to go there. Once I voiced my thoughts they were 'Oh fuck, now you say it...'

Is any of this familiar to anyone out there? What did you do?

If you had someone trying to look like the opposite sex and even perhaps had some surgery to pass even more, then I guess its possible you'd get the same feeling as anything we detect as 'not normal' or 'slightly off' in other humans triggers evolutionary instinctive responses we don't fully understand yet.

I joined an online dating community for lesbian women and when I started looking at the profiles of the most active people on the site, I saw someone who looked to me like a transwoman so I assumed they were. Then I looked at a second profile and I thought 'they look male too' and then I saw another and thought 'are they???'. Basically, of about half a dozen or so profiles I looked at there were at least 4 I was thinking 'are they male?' at.

I know it can be a lot more obvious in real life because they can't do the angles and filters but I began to doubt myself and think that this whole transwoman thing had made me paranoid because I was just looking for and thinking I saw signs of being male in so many of the photos and that maybe I'd lost the ability to tell.

Then one of them posted in the site's forum about how they were a proud 'pre-op' woman - Then another responded with a message of support which indicated that they were also trans. Then another left a message supporting them but saying that you don't have to tell them that as it's no one else's business. (This is on a dating site for lesbians and it's none of our business if our potential dates are male!)

Anyway, yeah, I realised that I wasn't being paranoid and seeing male-ness when it wasn't there - There were just far more males than I had ever imagined there would be. Kind of depressing. Needless to say, I'm not on there anymore.

It's unbelievable, dystopian.

hey @magnoliastellata did you find out any more?

It’s not for you to control the group so would just leave and say why. You can catch up separately with those you’ve connected to the most and let them get on with it.

It’s not for you to control the group

So do you think that a transwoman who lives 100 miles away should have more control than the OP?

It is very likely that there are other people in the group who are unhappy with the situation.

I think the whole group needs to stop pussyfooting (pun intended!) around this and tackle it head on.
Can you change the rules in your constitution on admitting new members? Ditch the “ personal vouching” route. Any potential new member should be brought to one meeting and introduced to everyone present. They then leave, and you have a secret ballot to vote on admittance. One “No” vote and they’re out.
That way, nobody knows who voted No, it’s formal and emotionless, and you can politely convey the result to the nominating member to pass on to their nominee in private.
It might have the benefit of deterring the woke from bringing men friends along, as they know they won’t get in.