"What's your preferred pronoun?"

[umbel]

I'm really annoyed! I packed my son off on an activity holiday this morning. He's very into 'girl' stuff [forgive the convenient shorthand - you know what I mean] and has sometimes says he wishes he was a girl, but we've fought hard to keep him away from trans ideology, encourage him to pursue what interests him, wear what he likes, love himself as he is and take no shit from people who give him stick for it. He's just called and during our conversation he tells me a staff member asked him what his preferred pronoun was. He's 10!!

He had no idea what the staff member meant, and when this person rephrased to, "Do you prefer us to use he or she?" he said, "Why didn't you just ask me if I'm a boy or a girl? Surely that would have been easier?"

I'm proud at his sensible reply, but this stuff is just coming onto his radar and the last thing he needs is people putting this daft shit into his head!

That is fucking awful. How to make a kid feel uncomfortable about themselves. I would be furious.

@FamilyOfAliens that made me smile, as my dd refused to answer to her name when she was about 5 unless it was prefixed with ‘beautiful’

XXey, XXem, XXeir, all with a double Xhosa click at the front.

this is quite horrible isnt it. Its planting ideas in childrens heads when we are doing our best to not put children into gender stereotypes. My tomboyish girl with short hair is a girl no matter what she wears or what hairstyle she has.
Its all just fucking weird and toxic

And quite right too, ashtray

‘The ones based on biological sex thanks.’

I think this sounds extremely sexist of the holiday staff - I would definitely complain.

It sounds like he was singled out for the pronoun question on account of his wearing or doing something that the staff members thought was 'girly'.

Do they think boys can't like pink / glitter / whatever it was? Don't they realise that clothes are for everyone, and that toys are for everyone? Being a boy or a girl isn't about what you wear.

If their thoughts, on seeing a boy in a glittery top (or whatever it was) were 'let's check if he's really a boy', well, that couldn't be much more sexist.

Pronouns: they/her
Adjectives: brilliant, witty, fun
Nouns: genius, leader, troubadour

You have to use my adjectives or you're invalidating me.

Ask straightforwardly whether they ask all children that question.

If the answer is “no” ask them why

If they say they’re thought he’s trans because he’s feminine say isn’t that sexist stereotyping?

Surely the message being conveyed here is that your DS's interests are being interpreted as a sign that he may identify as a girl? That's so sexist and regressive. I would be hopping mad if it were my child.

I would be very unhappy about him being singled out. I think it's worth a conversation with the organiser.

I am Weezol. My pronoun is 'The'.

They singled him out? Outrageous. I would absolutely complain about this.

With respect, what do you expect people to think in the current age if you let him go out looking like a girl? I don't mean to be harsh but I've said before that those of you who raise your children to be gender neutral are asking for them to be pulled in and targeted for the trans stuff.

I think parents sometimes let their kids indulge in this stuff too much these days, especially the white middle classes. Most working class and BAME parents will rightly tell their children if they look ridiculous.

All this will encourage is the "class clowns", I can think of a couple specifically in my oldest ds's class, that will tell them they prefer the opposite sex pronoun, thinking its hilarious. Will they be telling those children not to be so ridiculous and stop messing around , or will they have to play along? My guess is the latter.

@mikayla64 do you think that George from famous 5 etc. look ridiculous? Or is it just feminine-looking boys who you would have dress differently?

"@mikayla64 do you think that George from famous 5 etc. look ridiculous? Or is it just feminine-looking boys who you would have dress differently?"

More that the boys look ridiculous I'm afraid. I've seen many posh boys around lately who look borderline drag queen.

Some people raising their new children as gender neutral are literally referring to them as "theybies" so I'm surprised people don't see the link to trans ideology, queer theory and pronouns etc.

@Micaela64 it's nothing to do with raising kids as 'gender neutral' - we've gone backwards as far as gender stereotyping is concerned, IMO. In my childhood, it was perfectly usual for some girls to have short hair and some boys to have long hair, and a lot of everyday clothes for primary age kids were interchangeable - jeans, primary coloured t shirts, check shirts. Now though, people automatically assume my DD is a boy because she has her hair cut short and is wearing jeans and a Harry Potter t shirt because the default has become long hair and pink and sparkly clothing for girls. Kids should be allowed to wear what they feel comfortable in, and do what they're interested in. I'm not going to force my DD into pink and sparkly to meet someone else's idea of what a girl should be wearing or doing, and OP's DS should be able to do an activity he enjoys whether or not people see it as a stereotypically girly activity.

What @TheGirlOnTheLanding said.

With bells on

What @TheGirlOnTheLanding said

With bells and whistles on.

Agree with TheGirlontheLanding. I was a tomboy fifty years ago. I'm a woman now. Let kids be kids and dress how they want without making assumptions.

Looking like a girl? FFS.

My son is 20. He has had long hair since he was 8 or 9, by choice. Not a particularly surprising choice given his dad had long hair until the male pattern baldness set in and his uncle has long hair, and many of our male friends have or have in the past had long hair. Long hair on men is not considered note worthy in my age group.

Was my son ever mistaken for a girl as a child? Yes, once or twice, prior to the masculising impact of puberty, but not commonly and at no point did anyone ever ask for his pronouns because that wasn't a thing even 5 years ago and thankfully still isn't in our spectacularly unwoke community.

FFS stop trying to make it one.

Or teach your children that 'whatever' is a pronoun and therefore a perfectly reasonable answer to idiots asking stupid questions.

Well, well, well! Turns out the person singling out my (kid and asking about pronouns was.... wait for it.... trans!

If I was mad before I'm bloody raging now. How utterly inappropriate, sexist, and actually rather creepy. What were they planning to do if he said he preferred to be referred to as she/her? Transition him for the weekend? Share the Mermaids helpline number with him?

I feel sad for my kid. He's pretty resilient but he puts up with a fair bit of shit for being the way he is. I'm proud of him for resisting the pressure from others to squeeze him firmly into the "boy" box. The only times he ever says he wishes he was a girl, he follows it up by saying that then maybe people would leave him alone and not give him grief.

I shall be submitting a complain to the company and will update here.

Wow

Thanks for the update

A friend of mine just came home from working at a camp for kids with problems, and this came up there. She said she found it tricky because she honestly wasn't sure if some of the kids were presenting a certain way, were just feminine boys or masculine girls, or what. What it said on forms wasn't always helpful.

Your son sounds ace, op.