Irish feminist mother

[Womanbybiology]

Right so. Basically I am asking other mothers out there for your opinion.
My partner is a great man altogether. Honest, loyal, kind, the best dad to our child that I ever could have hoped for.
We both voted pro choice last year when the 8th amendment was to be voted on in Ireland.
He has never comes across as an old fashioned misogynist in any way shape or form.
The other night we were with a family member of his and she mentioned that her uncle is now her aunt. I rolled my eyes and immediately my partner said "well to be fair, we always knew he was a woman". I interrupted by reminding him that he isn't an actual woman he just wants to be one. My partner insisted they always knew he was "meant to be a woman". I said "so a man can't just be a gentle gay man, he has to be a woman".
We went around and around in circles with me saying (the person in question) is not now and never will be a woman. He can put on makeup and a dress but he won't ever become a woman and it is an insult to all women to refer to him as a woman.
My partner snapped "look, I don't see it the way you do, I believe some people are just born in the wrong body and he was definitely born in the wrong body! He should have always been a woman!"
Now, my partner is not related to this man. Not by blood or marriage but he has known him a long time and I think he feels like he has to defend him (even though no one was attacking him).
I feel sorry for the poor guy and I would never be rude if I ever met him but this has irritated the bejesus out of me because I am a feminist, always have been and always will be and this bullshit of "oh he was always meant to be a woman, he was just born in the wrong body" is some load of nonsense.
Why can't they just accept he is a softly spoken, gentle, mild mannered MAN and not assume because he has a sweet nature he must surely be a woman?
It's like people nowadays think you are anti gay or prejudiced because you believe in basic biology and reality.
Anyway
I just want to know what others think because part of me thinks perhaps I am being unfair and the other part of me knows this is complete bollocks and this man should just be allowed to be himself and not have to take a load of pills and have surgery to make him into a mutilated man and no closer to womanhood.
Has anyone else had arguments with their partner about this?

my DH and children just roll thier eyes when i say anything. Ask your partner if hed have sex with said relative? if not why not?

There are lots of "softly spoken, gentle, mild mannered" men in the world who have no desire to be anything else. My husband is one of them.

Your husband's relative is not, and does not want to be, a "softly spoken, gentle, mild mannered MAN". She is a woman. Even if you refuse to acknowledge her as such, at least acknowledge that she's a transwoman who has made her own decisions.

how is 'she' a women? with XX chromsomes? it is not possible for humans to change sex.

Your relative is a woman is she has come out as one. Sex and gender are complicated. It'll be very hard for them to have come out in this way. The best thing you can do is live and let live. It's her life not yours. It's hard for relatives to accept this and will take time but the first step is giving the relative space to be able to tell you about their feelings. You may have to listen for a long time to understand. Resources such as this might help - www.hrc.org/resources/resources-for-people-with-transgender-family-members

sex and gender are complicated

Sex really isn't. With the exception of very rare intersex people, sex is binary. Biology determines your sex and your feelings about that won't change your chromosomes.

don't know why, but I never considered chromosome in relation to this. but if someone grew up feeling that they are trapped in the wrong body, it might be liberating to actually look like a woman.. whether they just start applying makeup and dresses or do a surgical transformation should be up to them

You're totally out of order there. If you want to be picky you can refer to her as a trans woman rather than a woman. But she's not a cis man anymore so treat her with some respect. Stop dismissing an entire person's existence as some petty deviant behaviour

You'll get lots of people patting you on the back here as most people here have an issue with trans women but in real life a lot of people will see you as a bigot and a transphobe.

Most replies saying that a male can become female simply by declaring themselves so.

This is retrogressive bollocks that 'dismisses the existence' of half the human race.

So much respect. But yeah who gives a fuck about county types amirite.

Sex is really not complicated.

I find it fascinating that humans alone of all mammals don't know what male and female mean.

It has good implications for sex selective abortion, child marriage etc. I mean if it's impossible to say which is which maybe all those girls will stop being killed/ raped.

Oh can I even day that though? I haven't asked the foetuses/ children how they ID so who am I to say they are girls.

With the exception of very rare intersex people, sex is binary.

People with Disorders of Sex Development (DSD) are still all either XX or XY individuals, there has just been an error in their development that affects their physical appearance and fertility. But e.g. a woman without a womb is an XX woman who has Rokitansky syndrome NOT a man.

Trans individuals are a bundle of vunerable groups (supressed homosexuals, teenagers on the spectrum, victims of sexual abuse) and very dangerous men (sexual predators and men with AGP). The latter two have co-opted the sympathy we feel for the former group and are using that to gain access to female spaces. The chemical and surgical sterilisation of the former groups is a medical scandal that is waiting to explode.

I don't know which group the OPs relative is in but they have not and never will be a woman.