Young detransitioner talks about why she isn't transgender

[OrchidInTheSun]

Really worth a watch. She talks about the impact of social media and the pressure on young women to have surgery and take hormones.

And about the clash between objective reality, societal pressures personal desires. And comes to the conclusion that it's OK if they conflict. It's OK to be, in her words, "a masculine girl".

Definitely worth a listen. (How can I get my teen to listen to it?)

…societal pressures and personal desires.

Thanks for linking to that video Orchid.

A few words for Alfie if she ever stumbles across this thread.

I'm a mature woman but have never had an internal sense of being a woman (or a man). I have never "organically loved my body" and any internal sense of self I have is never accurately reflected back by mirrors or photos. The lumps, bumps, wrinkles and body language I see in a mirror is in conflict with my internal identity. Inside I feel like an attractive, imp-like person (think Demi Moore in Ghost or Madalen Burns) certainly very different from the curved, over-weight, awkward looking 60 year that the rest of society sees.

I don't like my boobs and never have, even though they are relatively small, but they did come in extremely useful when breast feeding children. I hate the feel of them hanging down so always wear a tight fitting bra even in bed. Neither do I like the look of my external genitalia so my solution is not to look at it and I would never allow a partner/husband to see me naked. The light is always off before I undress and I don't have full length mirrors in my house.

So I don't love my body but I'm extremely grateful that it is able bodied and relatively healthy. It has allowed me to have sex, give birth, go to work, have fun and just live life.

Also I have never been a girly girl and those few vain females that bang on about hair, nails and shopping frustrate and annoy me, as do effeminate men. I have always been able to anything any man can do even if I'm not quite as strong.

The descriptors of 'gender non-confirming', 'gender dysphoric' or 'trans' have not been in my vocabulary untill recently, I was just a 'normal' tomboy and I'd never thought about any of this before stumbling upon gender ideology. I was also lucky to grow up in a time when I could just be me, foibles and all, and too much introspection was discouraged.

My main message is that I do not believe any of this is unusual as everyone has their different quirks and personalities. Don't waste your life trying to find a box to fit into, just be you and enjoy living.

Good for her i hope she finds that path at suites her, 3/4 of the young people that attend GIC don`t medically transition. There is nothing wrong with not being trans, i have meet lots of people who transition and for a number of reasons detransition. Im really hopeful that we can support them in this as much as we do for people who do transition. Our community i feel is getting better at this, all the social pressures you feel then you transition can also be felt when you detransition for a lot of the same reason.

Thingybob

EXACTLY what I feel and what I was thinking when I watched Alfie's video. I think societal pressures, much exacerbated by media, have contrived to make all young people feel negatively about their bodies.

Absolutely beautiful statement, bless her. Autistic, gay, gender non conforming - how many girls like her are being led down the ultimately one way journey? Bombarded with messaging that girls 'should' be, like, look and do certain things in a certain way is it any wonder those who go another way conclude in their still developing minds that the solution must be to transition and all will be well. 16-20 time seems so crucial in terms of questioning and exploring and I'm increasingly wary of those who promote and facilitate transitioning to the very young. What can we do? How can we help?

I think it is really important that detransitioning isn't stigmatised - I can see how the pressure not to "let down" a community you feel you have been part of can be immense.

I do feel that the medical professionals have a duty to facilitate and empower their patients to change direction if that is best for them.

And for the rest of the world not to jump in and crow about it with an "I told you so" attitude.

That is a very good video.
A very real experience of a young person.
She said she feels embarrassed at what she has got herself into.
This is the fault of the people who are spreading this false ideology of gender.

She said "I am female and that's that"

That is the truth nugget she should have heard at 15 years old.

Not the affirmation that she could become a man.

She's still binding. That's sad to hear. Good luck to her though.

I wonder if she sees the link which I see between girls who want to bind their breasts and take medical steps to transition, and girls who dream of breast augmentation and other cosmetic surgery to fit in with their idea of what a woman should be.

Nobody is good at being at a woman. Women are women and we can only be ourselves.

The people who are supporting affirmation are lying to young people.

When the children become adults, the penny will drop and they will have the right to sue for damages.

I hope many of them do.

What can we do? How can we help?

Keep talking about our experiences?

I feel that the narrative the young are hearing is principally coming from adult trans people (mainly trans women) Talk of how they always knew they were different at a very young age and how they wanted to play and dress as the opposite sex is what young people are relating to. They are not hearing the flip side of how many of us thought exactly the same as children but then as we grew up have happily found our place in society.

Jellylegsni
She's still binding

Yes that was sad, like she had not quite accepted her body.
Very similar to lifelong anorexia, they never seem to completely overcome it.

Doctors don't affirm anorexia with gastric bands.

It is an excellent video - , as she says, it's kind of an experiment that falls on her generation (and I do think we will naturally progress beyond it). It's good on a number of levels, a) that it shows you it is possible to misidentify as trans and come out the other side, it seems, with no lasting harm, so it's not necessarily a one-way ticket to mutilation and harm if a girl misidentifies b) she acknowledges a number of factors are involved and doesn't specifically blame anyone c) it'd be good to show to a young woman who you were worried is misidentifying herself as trans because it shows that Alfie is identifying as a woman without feeling, or anyone making her feel, she has to grow her hair, show off her boobs, appease men, stop liking metal or any other traditional 'signifier' of 'womanhood'. Alfie can be a woman on her own terms, like any woman, without 'changing sex'

Gosh that was raw, poor Alfie. I'm sure I've read on here that binding might help with sensory overload.

What a great person.

How many other frightened or confused young people are there out there NOT making YouTube videos? How are their experiences being taken account of by the clinicians who say "regret is really rare?"

So glad some are speaking out about this regret. It scares me how many are too scared to admit to it :(

Just linking to this film; two de transitioned women in conversation:

Internalized Homophobia is More Powerful than You Know www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3642547-internalized-homophobia-is-more-powerful-than-you-know