Men's expectations of women looking a certain way?

[Sabich]

I've had this in the neck recently and severely dislike it - so you're supposed to dress up like a fragrant little flower and if not you're defective?

If I want to wear dresses and perfume and make-up and high heels and have my hair long I will, if I don't I don't. I actually got criticised for this recently.

Another person here who has had far more criticism from other women than from men. Most of the men in my life don't seem to notice whether women wear makeup or not and can't understand why we would ever choose to wear heels (or anything else remotely uncomfortable)

Short of anyone doing it at work, I find it an excellent way of filtering out people I want nothing to do with.

I was on a two week course. A week in a man who also attended the course said, that he "would appreciate if I wore skirts more often". I said I liked what I wore. He looked dubious. When I then (surroundered to his patriachal way of thinking) said "and my husband likes this as well", the idiot man said "So?" as if his opinion should always count more, so I had to explain to him that my husband's opinion would overrule his opinion (as it was obvious that my opinion didn't). The man in question was not, by any definition, physically attractive, but appeared to believe he was.

Don't worry when you are 52 you become invisible to the opposite sex.

I’ve had it from men and women. They’re all family or friends and all make out like I’m failing myself for not dressing in a more feminine way.
I don’t want to wear a dress just because I have a vagina! Trousers are so much more comfortable and practical for me.

Women who wear makeup earn more. Huff post
I believe that this is because of the societal expectation that for a woman to look groomed she must wear makeup and shoes which would prevent her outrunning a fire. It's the appearance of 'good grooming' for both sexes which affects salary, just a shame that women have to paint themselves to appear groomed.

Wearing makeup must be a right pain, but I do envy my female colleagues in the summer when they can wear thin dresses and I'm buttoned up to the chin with a tie and trousers on.

It’s always, umm, interesting when men hang around this board specifically to tell us we’re wrong about whatever we’re talking about.

I’m surprised. I get judged by a female colleague who doesn’t like me wearing skirts or dresses, or colours for that matter. She always wears jeans.
My male colleagues don’t notice whatever I wear as long as it covers the key bits.

I wear makeup and heels, but I still look like crap now I'm old. Luckily I don't care and I rarely get comments about my appearance, I mostly get ignored.

When I was young and beautiful I got a lot of comments about my appearance. A boyfriend once told me I was too fat and my boobs were too small. I weighed less than 8 stone at the time. I got a lot of nice comments, but plenty of nasty ones too.

“I'm sure posters will deny it but I've never seen women talk about Peter Kay in the same way they do Tom Hardy or Jonny Wilkinson etc.”

Well I’ve never heard anyone say peter key is sexy to be fair, but I haven’t heard anyone say anything about Jonny Wilkinson either, I had to google him to see who he even is.

But people rave about Leonardo Dicaprio and Vince Vaughn, and talk about Chris Pratt being sexier before he lost weight and worked out for guardians of the galaxy.

There are plenty of male unconventional looking sex symbols, not so much with women and there’s not a lot of lists of sexy mum bods...

So no, I don’t think it is all coming from other women tbh.

I've never had a female stranger say anything about why am I not wearing x, ever, I have had female strangers compliment me on my clothing.
It is odd for a stranger or acquaintance to comment.

Comment from the OP of a current thread in AIBU:

She's a 40 year old mother of 2) nothing rude, but very booby, and very cutaway swimsuits that leave little to the imagination. her legs are completely covered in tattoos, and a lot of her body, and she's planning more. she has a nose stud. big false lashes and talons. i mean these false nails curl over ,they are so long. i don't know how she can clean with them. in the eighties I used to have a stall at Camden market in the punk era. Im used to fashion extremes, but I don't think you should flaunt it at work. This week she turned up in really short shorts.

🤷‍♀️

For reference, the above comment is about a cleaner, not a corporate account manager.

there’s not a lot of lists of sexy mum bods...

Have you never heard of a MILF?

It’s always, umm, interesting when men hang around this board specifically to tell us we’re wrong about whatever we’re talking about.

What? Who said anyone was wrong? In any case there are plenty of women here telling each other they are wrong, which is what you expect on a discussion board.

But people rave about Leonardo Dicaprio and Vince Vaughn, and talk about Chris Pratt being sexier before he lost weight and worked out for guardians of the galaxy. There are plenty of male unconventional looking sex symbols, not so much with women and there’s not a lot of lists of sexy mum bods...

I think men and women tend to have quite different ideas about what is sexy. A lot of women do seem to like men who are a little beefier, and I don't necessarily mean muscle, they don't like skinny.

Though a lot of men find the Hollywood actress type far too thin and prefer more normal looking figures. They seem to show up less in films and tv though for some reason.

Loads of men prefer quirkier/geeky girls etc. Like how loads of guys fancied Willow more than Buffy (silly example but there you go). As a guy I know this to be true.

Never had any pressure from men

Loads of pressure from my mother about looking 'presentable'

“Have you never heard of a MILF?”

Yes, they’re not a different body type from younger women though...

“Like how loads of guys fancied Willow more than Buffy” Alyson Hannigan isn’t unconventional looking though. She’s very attractive in a completely conventional way.

“A lot of women do seem to like men who are a little beefier, and I don't necessarily mean muscle, they don't like skinny”

Yep, I think that a lot of men who are considered to be the male ideal body are actually considered that by men, not women.

I've never had a female stranger say anything about why am I not wearing x, ever, I have had female strangers compliment me on my clothing.
It is odd for a stranger or acquaintance to comment

I've never had a stranger , male or female, comment critically about what I am wearing. I've had strangers, female and male, compliment me on what I'm wearing and I compliment strangers- male and female.

I got told off on here once for doing that. I was told I should not make assumptions that another woman would like this. Personally as someone who likes to dress up I would be surprised if other "dresser- uppers" didn't.

My ideal male look is posh in good suits- the good suit being more important than posh. I find it depressing that the sharp, well tailored 80s and 90s suit with a silk tie, double cuff shirt and cuff links is dying a death. I was watching some Robert Palmer videos from that period - goodness he was a well- dressed man.

Alyson Hannigan isn’t unconventional looking though. She’s very attractive in a completely conventional way.

True, but in the context of this thread, she was cast as the dorky one and loads of guys still fancied her without saying "oh, if she'd just dress a bit more sexily like Buffy." They accepted her as a geek.

Yep, I think that a lot of men who are considered to be the male ideal body are actually considered that by men, not women.

I'd agree with you at the extreme end of the spectrum (Arnold Schwarzenegger etc) but I also think guys aspire to that body shape as much to impress/dominate other men as to impress women (the 'strong alpha male').

I've heard loads of women mention Brad Pitt in Fight Club (ripped), Gerard Butler in 300BC (ripped), Tom Hardy (ripped), etc etc. Even the cheesier ones like Vin Diesel seem to get adulation from slightly chavvier women IME (hate using the word 'chavvy' but couldn't think of a better adjective).

Even the cheesier ones like Vin Diesel seem to get adulation from slightly chavvier women IME (hate using the word 'chavvy' but couldn't think of a better adjective)

I'd work on finding a better word if I were you. Or perhaps be less judgemental. I thought Vin Diesel was pretty cool in Riddick.

if you like what you're wearing then fuck em

i rarely wear make up and always wear flats - i look in the mirror and think i look great.

I read a review of a Vin Diesel movie once that described him as looking like a penis, and now every time I see him in a photo or on tv, that's what I see.

I do think the supposedly ideal male body type has become really high maintenance recently, and in a lot of ways unhealthy. As much so as the supposed ideal feminine type, almost no one can have it without disordered eating, hours daily in the gym, and often drugs.

Maybe it is the superhero movies? Mentioning Gerard Butler is to the point because I think he was heavily CGIed in 300.

But I would still say its extremely uncommon for people who aren't your parents, siblings, or best friends to criticise what you are wearing in real life.