Misogynistic bagel guy

[MamaOomMowWow]

I read this article on the BBC www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-48956373 and it bothered me that the main focus was on how hard it is for the short menz on dating websites, not that misogyny is alive and well and if you're a woman just doing your job you should expect to get hate-filled abuse if your customers aren't getting as much sex as they'd like 🤷‍♀️

There's a much better article here: www.vice.com/amp/en_us/article/ywy7vw/man-yells-in-bagel-shop-because-women-on-dating-sites-dont-like-short-guys

Ridiculous angle from the BBC again. I think being short is the least of that guy's problems. Lots of short men have great partners, but those men don't go around acting like this.

I think it's really odd to have an article about some guy, who may have any number of mental health issues or may just be having a bad day, losing his cool at work. Not even a local article, its an international article!

But as far as it goes, I think people on dating apps are reduced to lists of characteristics in a very dehumanising way, and many feel very frustrated and upset by it. And its difficult or many to ind any other way to meet people now.

may have any number of mental health issues or may just be having a bad day, losing his cool at work
He was a customer. And frankly I don't give a monkey's if he has mental health problems or has had a bad day, it's not the job of a woman who works in a bagel shop to fix him, or even tolerate his bullshit.

Yeah it's horrible when short men get dehumanised, just like fat women, old women, ugly women, hairy women, sick women, poor women, etc etc etc.
My heart bleeds that he can't get a girlfriend...

I doubt he cares if you care.

My point is, all kinds of people, men and women, go off their nut in the course of a day across the world, and are abusive or inappropriate or bizarre. I have an aunt who goes off her nut semi-regularly and abuses people around her for incoherent reasons that come down to her feeling hard done by.

It's not news. It's not really even anyone's business, it's very invasive. I'd be unsurprised but disappointed to see it in a tabloid, but I have no idea why it's on the BBC.

Typical incel, lets hope he doesn't have access to guns.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel#Mental_health

It's not news. It's not really even anyone's business, it's very invasive. I'd be unsurprised but disappointed to see it in a tabloid, but I have no idea why it's on the BBC.
Agreed, but that's the majority of "news" these days

I have an aunt who goes off her nut semi-regularly and abuses people around her for incoherent reasons that come down to her feeling hard done by.
And this isn't ok. Assuming you are implying she has MH issues, it's a shame MH funding is so decimated that vulnerable people get incoherent and upset in public because they aren't given the support and treatment they need.
Still doesn't mean strangers should have to put up with being shouted at.

This guy has no right to abuse shopworkers and frankly the same old same old argument of "he was really really really sad" doesn't wash with me.

Well, my aunt has BPD, and some mental disabilities, and addiction issues from other physical disabilities that required invasive treatments. She's also struggled financially and with relationships and she is very bitter.

She's a very difficult person to deal with as you might imagine, and really no one should have to deal with her. But what do you do, she is part of society, and she is a vulnerable person herself. There is the saying that a society shows what it is made of by how it cares for the least of its members, I think sometimes it should be, how it cares for the most annoying and unlovable.

Anyway though, given that this is the feminism section, I do think it kind of points to a truth about what internet dating makes of people and the way they think about relationships and those who they are interested in romantically and sexually.

Sad he's been rejected for being short? I've been rejected for being too fat, at one point too scrawny, too plain, too weird, too mannish, not glam enough/ not wearing make up etc, being too clever, having health problems.

What I take away from those experiences is, that I've had a close call because I don't do shallow people. This guy doesn't get that. And I bet he rejects women for reasons like I've stated.

His behaviour is bad but I agree that more understanding and sympathy is needed for those with MH issues. We can’t say that we care for those with MH issues but only if they stick so social norms. You always get people come out and say ‘well, I have X condition and I would never dream of acting like this’. Well, good for you but for some, MH issues can manifest in some quite unpleasant behaviour.

Public shaming is never the answer. Remember the woman who lost it on a plane and was jailed for abusing cabin crew? She killed herself when she was released. I wonder what we have become when we show absolutely no hesitation about plastering people’s moments of weakness all over the Internet.

Yeah it's horrible when short men get dehumanised, just like fat women, old women, ugly women, hairy women, sick women, poor women, etc etc etc

You forgot "old". Most men on dating sites wanting to date much younger women.

Public shaming is never the answer. Remember the woman who lost it on a plane and was jailed for abusing cabin crew? She killed herself when she was released. I wonder what we have become when we show absolutely no hesitation about plastering people’s moments of weakness all over the Internet.

I agree with this, the fact people are at an ever present risk of being filmed makes me really uncomfortable. There was a man having an absolute breakdown outside my office recently, shouting abuse at people who weren’t there and crying. Multiple people filming it.

“We can’t say that we care for those with MH issues but only if they stick so social norms. You always get people come out and say ‘well, I have X condition and I would never dream of acting like this’. Well, good for you but for some, MH issues can manifest in some quite unpleasant behaviour.”

Great point, @Pota2

That Vice article (they’re usually up their own arse anyway) doesn’t help by casually referring to the person’s “fun sized stature”

Many an abused woman stayed with her abuser because he is a poor troubled man with MH issues who needs help.

I'd argue that anyone abusing anyone else in public clearly has some mental health issue going on.

Having a MH problem does not mean other people should help to hide what you did. If anything publicly abusive behaviour should be publicised more. Wrong is still wrong. The person abused should not be made to feel they have to appear sorry for their abuser and that's more important than their own feelings of hurt

I agree MH issues do not mean anyone is obliged to stick around being abused. I do think there is a large and decent middle ground between allowing people having MH difficulties to do whatever they want to you and filming someone clearly in distress for the purposes of public shaming.

Nobody should be obligated to stay in a relationship with someone with MH issues but people who are ill do deserve respectful treatment, not being filmed like some freak show. Remember that illnesses like Alzheimer’s can result in violent and abusive behaviour too but it’s hard for the sufferer to control this. Obv not applicable to bagel guy but worth noting. what was the reason why that man who was a foot taller rugby-tackled the smaller guy to the ground? Why is everyone seemingly applauding that bit when it demonstrated totally unnecessary violence, even if bagel guy was being rude? Some men and more generally, some people, are vile and working in the customer service industry can be horrible. But where someone totally loses it and starts screaming and shouting, it often points to something else going on. I don’t think anyone should have to put up with it but equally I think filming it, disseminating it to millions and making this guy infamous and the butt of endless jokes, is utterly wrong.

Jamie Cullum and Sophie Dahl haven't let height get in the way of happiness! What a knob.

Dudley Moore did all right too.

The reason women won't want anything to do with this man, isn't his height, it's his rage, misogyny and aggression and barely contained violence. Those women are lucky to be behind a counter and in public and not trapped behind closed doors with him.