ok I'm a man and I would appreciate some advice

[DanganropaFlys]

I'm prepared to take what you say no matter how hard it difficult to hear.

I don't want to be considered a "feminist" man. The few I've met, tend to use it to be overly creepy dudes and hut in you g women in what I consider an inappropriate way - my sample population is 2.

Also I don't want to be a woke joke.

My dd's are gearing up for Pride. I'm proud of them for doing it, I try to explain things that are red flag behaviours in men. I'll be honest, I've done some of them in the past, when I was younger. I've also haven't been that good in relationships in the past and I haven't been the best, needy, entitled, demanding. I hope I've learnt my lessons. There have been s couple if threads here in feminist chat and on AIBU that have been eye openers, well not really eye openers but have convinced me that I need to seek advice on how to be not a "feminist" bloke but try to use behaviour and language in such a way that, that I don't come across as weird, creepy, it have just plain old got it wrong.. I'd like to lead by example to other men too.

So my question, how could I go about achieving this aim, what advice would you give to a old man trying to figure this out?

OP I don’t think Pride is an appropriate place for your DDs. Accompany them at least. It’ll take you about 5 seconds to see what we mean.

I am a lesbian btw, and I don’t go anymore.It’s not a place for me and my lesbian sisters.

It's a constant work in progress, learning to be feminist.

Great that you are aware and asking the questions, willing to learn and admit mistakes.

I'm happy to see this post.

As for DDs, just be a dad, urge them to keep safe and support them when they come to you having experienced the worse sides of life.

I think the biggest thing you can do is always listen to them and believe them, thereby encourage them to believe that it is normal and to be expected, for them to be listened to and believed.

If something doesn't make sense, or surprises or shocks you, listen some more, ask open questions not closed ones and listen further, rather than imposing your own assumptions, so you can find out what it is they're actually telling you.

So much that's wrong about how women and girls are treated starts from other people, men and women, telling them that their lived experiences are not real or important. Usually becasue the 'hearer' (not listener) doesn't want to challenge their own beliefs and preferences about how things are.

Don't do porn and tell your friends not to do porn.

That too. And always challenge other men who are disrespectful towards women. Do not give your dds the impression that their equality is for them alone to fight for, some sort of special interest issue. Equality and a decent society is everyone's issue.

The best thing men can do for women is not watch porn and/or educate other men not to watch porn.

What men really shouldn't be doing is wasting feminists' time and energy. Male feminists and even male allies are such an energy drain on women and have a habit of making things all about them or often mansplaining and even becoming "feminist leaders" or feminist academics ( inevitably taking women's jobs by teaching women's studies at universities)

Yes to don't watch porn. Men as humans, have a wonderful imagination. Use it!

Don't be lazy in work and expect the woman to do the 'extras'.

Don't use prostitutes.

See women as humans, just as you see men.

Never presume!

Try not to micromanage other people’s reactions. Like if someone finds you creepy that’s their authentic reaction to the interaction. You may not BE creepy, but it’s gonna make it worse if you try to superimpose your version of the narrative. It’s more time to go back into the mind lab and refine how you go about doing things.

We men are used to being heard and if we feel we haven’t come across how we wished we have a tendency from entitlement to feel we can force our truth across.

Maybe pick up some books I’d recommend Mary Wollstoncraft’s A Vindication of The Rights of Women. I’m a big fan of classic British Liberalism and she is an essential voice in both that and women’s rights in general. HTH

Mary Wollstoncraft didn't just come up with that book off her own bat though, like no human ever because books are written due to influence and education.

She knew the history of women's rights. And of course it was a response, on behalf of women, to Edmund Burke's A Vindication of the Rights of Man.

Thank you for placing her work in the correct historical context. She also wrote the most comprehensive contemporaneous work on the French Revolution.

She did and with the help of many men also, who argued and agreed that looking after their children was as much a part of being a father as being a mother and that it was in all of humanity's interest to do this.

Vindication of the Rights of Women was also a response to Rousseau, though, who argued that girls should be educated relative to man and not equal. Wollstonecraft partly agreed with the premise but not the proposal, if I recall correctly - namely she argued that girls should be educated equally to help them better fulfil their natural caring duties. They were radical arguments for their time but they are still predicated on difference and the idea that women are innate caregivers.
Men’s role and interest in their children was as educators, not care-givers.
I think it was more of an argument for equality in difference than equality per se