Radio 4 11am; The Untold follows a lesbian couple as one of them transitions

[niceberg]

This will be interesting as a comparison with the cases of heterosexual couples when the man transitions, which have been receiving much attention from the media recently.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0006dk1

Just listening now.

Ellie is finding it hard.

It’s still the woman who has to end up either losing her partner or her sexuality.

She's grappling with the reality of the cognitive dissonance of previously supporting trans pride and the actual reality of what it means to her as a lesbian.

Ellie doing ALL the accommodating. Sounds like the entire focus in their relationship now is Ollie's transition.

Ellie says she's grown straight.

And found it extremely hard to tell people.

Ollie now feels able to show affection in public. "It's beautiful now the fear has disappeared"

Able to be recognised as a couple now Ollie has transitioned.

Just caught the end of this. I still find the use of "he" really shocking. I don't know how people deal with the cognitive dissonance.

Ellie finds Ollie's happiness attractive. She sounds completely lovely and I hope she takes time to look after herself especially if further surgery is on the agenda.

They ended up very happy which is fine.

For me the crux was that Ollie, from Poland, felt fear from being openly lesbian in day to day life which abated when they transitioned. Ollie is clearly happier.

My comment would be on the childhood experiences of knowing it is ok to be a homosexual and visibly seeing this in day to day life and how this impacts a sense of self and self acceptance v shame/ fear.

The physical health problems Ollie suffered from the T are noticeable.

Apparently very happy anyway.

BBC is normalising surgical & medical interventions for young women who are impacted by homophobia and sexism in society
while also denying other factors including autism, previous trauma/abuse etc

Double mastectomies & taking testosterone will have serious impact on young lesbians' bodies & their lives

It is irresponsible program making by the BBC.

One year on - all lovely, all fears allayed, everyone great about it.

Nothing to see here.

(DH was )

I found this heartbreaking. Ellie's making all the emotional adjustments while Ollie's on a high, excited at the prospect of Ollie's new identity.

Ellie admitted early in the programme that conversation tended to focus on trans issues and it was sad when she seemed to be accepting that she'd now be regarded as heterosexual.

I'd be interested to hear from them a few years down the line. Early days.

The successful erasure of two lesbians, then. One through transition herself, and one through having to adapt to a "male" partner.

Awful.

• BBC is normalising surgical & medical interventions for young women who are impacted by homophobia and sexism in society while also denying other factors including autism, previous trauma/abuse etc

Double mastectomies & taking testosterone will have serious impact on young lesbians' bodies & their lives

It is irresponsible program making by the BBC.*

This completely sums it up.

They ended up very happy which is fine.

A ‘happy ending’ is just a story that hasn’t finished yet.

Five or ten years down the line, how is a lesbian going to feel living as part of a ‘straight’ couple?

I haven't listened to the episode, just read the posts here and it sounds awful. Agree with what's said about normalising major surgery and medical treatment. And the erasure of lesbians as one becomes a man and the other has to accept a heterosexual relationship. Young lesbians have very few role models to look up to. :(

I listened to this and felt so sorry for Ellie. She is the one who is having to adjust her whole world, not Ollie. Ollie is now living the life they wanted to live. Ellie isn't.

More normalising by the bbc here today:

BBC on 11 year old trans skating competitor www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3626557-bbc-on-11-year-old-trans-skating-competitor

But the blunt truth is Ellie has not 'become' heterosexual and isn't in a heterosexual relationship now. They are still in a lesbian relationship, just one partner has made significant cosmetic changes to their body and changed the terminology to one they are mentally happier with due to their distress over homophobia. It doesn't make the terminology true. Ellie is engaging in kind lying and facilitating of their partner.

I hope they continue to be happy, but long term support of a partner struggling this much is very, very demanding and hard. If Ellie leaves this relationship it does not sound likely she will be looking for new partners among men and continuing her 'heterosexuality' any more than a transwidowed woman will move on from her now transitioned ex husband and seek a relationship with a woman even if her ex did insist she had become a lesbian.

Smoke and mirrors.

Ellie is still same sex attracted and in a same sex relationship. She hasn't become heterosexual, in the same way a woman in a marriage to a man who decides to don a wig and call himself Dolly hasn't become a lesbian.

I wasnt sure what Ellie had ever seen in Ollie as she said Ollie only became happy after transitioning. Why would you marry/partner a permanent misery? It did sound as though transing was seen as a solution to homophobia and gayness. Sad. Also if a lesbian wants to be the male gender does that mean they want to act out the masculine gender role and want their female previously equal partner to play act a feminine role?

NeurotrashWarrior said....

"They ended up very happy which is fine."

Do you honestly think it would have been aired by the BBC if they hadn't?