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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I’ve just been denied medical management of a failed abortion

722 replies

Tinyteatime · 27/06/2019 10:42

I had a medical termination last Saturday, 7 weeks pregnant after my coil failed. Thought it had passed relatively easily so came away on a short holiday with my family luckily only 1.5 hours away from home. Started heavy bleeding and bad cramps yesterday, came to a&e as as advised by the BPAS clinic as I was flooding a pad and blood leaking through my trousers. Passed some very large clots. Internal scan reveals what they think is a foetal heart beat still in there. I’ve been in hospital one night and they said they would do the surgery on me this morning. I’ve just been told that all the doctors available won’t perform the procedure due to religion. This in the U.K. in 2019, in a hospital that offers abortion services. They’ve said I can stay another night and have it tomorrow, I have a breastfed baby that I’ve already been away from for one night, I’m in pain, bleeding and I’ve already had sepsis last year from a womb infection whilst giving birth so I’ve raised infection risk as a concern. I feel so angry about this. Would they deny women treatment for miscarriage? Or is it because there may still be a foetal heartbeat present? Is it simply because I’ve chosen to end the pregnancy myself? How in an nhs hospital can women be denied healthcare like this?

OP posts:
MNHQ
HebeMumsnet · 01/07/2019 09:48

Morning, everyone. We just wanted to pop by and appeal for a bit of peace and love here. The OP's obviously been through a horrendous time but had lots of support and advice on this thread. We really don't want to see it turn into a bunfight and have to be taken down.

Obviously there are differing perspectives on this topic and that's absolutely fine, but we think they can all be expressed without resorting to personal attacks.

Thanks for your help and Flowers for you, OP.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 01/07/2019 09:51

The NHS is on its knees (a totally separate debate) and getting the care you needed within 24 hours seems not too bad considering. If you want on demand care, paying is always an option.

Oh do stop the emotional blackmail.

Why should OP have to pay? Because she had the temerity to have an TOP?

HorridHenrysNits · 01/07/2019 09:54

Obviously it would've saved the NHS shitloads of money had the OP developed further complications due to the wait.

justchecking1 · 01/07/2019 12:09

Maybe from here in we could agree to debate whether or not doctors should be allowed to opt out of providing TOPs, rather than debate the specific ins and outs of OP's care?

That would be a very worthwhile debate and would stop the personal nature of the thread which it threatening to have it taken down.

JessicaWakefieldSV · 01/07/2019 12:17

justchecking1

Then start your own thread if you want a debate! This is a personal thread for support, you don’t get to change the topic just so you can continue arguing. Start one yourself.

SpartacusAutisticusAHF · 01/07/2019 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mner2019 · 01/07/2019 12:22

When DS was born, we both nearly died (DS rushed to NICU), me to theatre... I am not going to go into details here but the medical treatment we received was negligent and the aftercare from probably 50% of the HCPs we saw post birth was horrendous. We are extremely lucky that my 4th degree tear is the worst thing that either of us have had to manage.

I never sued. It took me 3 yrs to complain about both the circumstances of his birth and the aftercare we received. The PALS lady I spoke to said it can takes people a long time to come forward but she values everyone who does make a complaint as this is the only way they can improve the service. Even she was shocked by our files when she went through them, was thoroughly apologetic and was very much intent on using our experiences to help make things better. I don't know to what extent things have improved - we have moved to the other end of the country, DS is our only child but I would urge anyone going through anything like to speak up. Otherwise everything will stay the same and the people who are making mistakes will carry on doing so, and the policies and guidelines that sound great in theory will carry on not working in practice.

BatShite · 01/07/2019 13:40

This is absolutely appalling, though sadly not surprising.

BernardBlacksWineIcelolly · 01/07/2019 13:53

Flowers Mner

Just before I had DS2, the report on the Morecombe bay maternity unit was published

It was very helpful to me to be aware that the people nominally charged with my care probably had other agendas that were more important to them than the well-being of me and DS2. I certainly felt a ‘determination among midwives to pursue normal childbirth “at any cost”.’ and had to counter act it to keep us safe

Pre conceived ideas and strong cultural adherence to them within a department can cause great harm to patients

LangCleg · 01/07/2019 13:53

Maybe from here in we could agree to debate whether or not doctors should be allowed to opt out of providing TOPs, rather than debate the specific ins and outs of OP's care?

That would be a very worthwhile debate and would stop the personal nature of the thread which it threatening to have it taken down.

It's a personal thread. It's also an advice and support thread posted on a woman-centred feminist forum. It's not your debate space.

Take a dispassionate debate to AIBU or Chat where it belongs and OP can ignore you.

Read the room.

Mner2019 · 01/07/2019 14:48

BernardBlacks Those poor families. It so easily could have been us. It is unbelievable at this point in our society women and their families are thought so little of. This thread is sadly evidence of that as well Sad

FeministCat · 01/07/2019 17:13

I am really sorry OP for your experience. The care you received was callous. I am glad you have finally had the procedure you needed and are back at home with your baby.

I am also appalled that there are posters in this thread coming down on you for something you have not even said you wanted to do (sue) instead of being supportive as you requested.

I do think it is important to complain about your care, it’s part of being an advocate for yourself and important for improving care for other women. So what if it does “not go anywhere” as some others have said to discourage you, it is important to document your concerns because I am sure you are not the first and won’t be the last.

And speaking as a lawyer (not in the UK) I think the best thing I can say is to not take legal advice from people on the internet, especially people who seem to be particularly vested in ignoring your very detailed repeated statements of your actual personal experience and gaslighting you and everyone else here as to what “must have really happened”.

Mammajay · 01/07/2019 18:38

I think that one of the petitions that ensure the topic is discussed in parliament might be worth considering Tiny? I think you were very poorly treated and wish you well and also hope that some follow up might result in safer procedures for female patients in a similar position. I am truly shocked at some of the opinions on this thread that seem to question whether you should have been given immediate treatment.

HelenaDove · 01/07/2019 18:54

This is absolutely horrifying. Its 2019 FFS

slipperywhensparticus · 01/07/2019 19:02

Its 2019 you should not have to wait and risk your health

GabsAlot · 01/07/2019 20:33

Not up to you to derial just-would like to know whereyou work aswell so i can avoid it

Mammajay · 03/07/2019 10:45

Are you getting better now op?

Floomph · 03/07/2019 14:13

Just wanted to add my support OP. Appalled by some of the responses on here. I can't imagine how stressful it must have been, having to worry about whether you'd get sepsis again and being apart from your child. Some medical professionals seem to lose their humanity and their compassion entirely from being exposed to so much suffering (or they just weren't ever caring people to begin with)

Original poster
Tinyteatime · 03/07/2019 17:28

Thanks for your continued support. Since I had my surgery I’m feeling much better, thank you. I’ve told a few friends IRL who are just as gobsmacked as I was.

OP posts:
Mammajay · 04/07/2019 19:20

When you feel better are you going to take any follow up action.

blackcat86 · 04/07/2019 19:39

I've just caught up on your thread and I'm appalled that you were treated this way. You can ask for clarification (or correct your notes if they're wrong) through the complaints process. You're feelings are absolutely significant. Emotional pain/suffering/distress is considered as harm under litigation. Not only that, but its only by people bothering you complain that things actually change.

Original poster
Tinyteatime · 04/07/2019 21:27

Yes I certainly will complain. I don’t expect anything to come of it but at the very least I hope that if there ever were cases in the future of women ending up more seriously ill because of attitudes on that ward my complaint might flag up that they’ve been operating (or not!) like that for a while.

OP posts:
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