Wwyd about creepy cleaner who gave me a creepy handshake on my first day at work?

[GottaGetUp]

I started a new job last week. My first in 10 years. As I walked around the department on various tasks I was smiling at everyone, as the new person trying to be friendly. I walked past this cleaner a couple of times and smiled and he smiled back.

Later in the afternoon he came into a small side room I was in by myself. Asked if I was new, held out his hand and introduced himself. As I went to shake his hand he folded his middle finger in towards my palm and as we shook hands sort of stroked my palm with it. I went to pull my hand away as you do after a brief handshake (also icked out by the creepy finger thing) but he held on quite tightly. I had to put some force into removing my hand and had to sort of slither it out of his grasp rather than him letting go of it.

All this happened while I carried on the usual pleasantries. The conversation finished and he left the room. I’m pretty sure in my younger days with less confidence to assert myself I would have let him hold on to my hand much longer than I did, but I’m still annoyed with myself that I didn’t mention it to someone afterwards.

I feel like I should tell someone still. For context I work in a hospital so there is potential for him to have access to vulnerable women. I don’t expect any action to be taken from this one weird handshake, but I feel like I want it noted, or some acknowledgement that they have their eye on him, or something?

Again, this is my first time in a working environment in a decade, and I have no idea how to approach things.

A man who tickles your palm when you shake hands is a perv.

As PPs have said, it's commonplace and it's not on in the workplace.

Go to HR.

I don't want to Google randomly "creepy sex handshake"

Heh, I did google that.
Cam back with a lot of hits about it being a gay male thing, but I guess both work (or not, it seems).

GottaGetUp

Thanks for the photo!

Definitely have a quiet word with your line manager

That photo is now disturbing me so I’m going to ask MN to delete it.

I'm in a relatively formal office and In my experience hand shakes with new colleagues is not the norm. It's just not done. New starts are taken round and introduced, people smile and make small talk.

I can at a stretch imagine that a new male recruit or a new female recruit who is quite formal might shake hands with the managing partner, chairman or head of department , but it's not the norm.

There's no way of saying this without sounding snobbish but I'd be very surprised if a member of the cleaning staff went out of their way to come into a room, introduce, themselves and shake hands with a new employee.

Very much the norm to shake hands with new starts on introduction at my company. Very much not the norm to have them perve on you while doing it.

It’s taken me years to feel comfortable with firmly removing my hand from lingering shakers, so well done for extricating yourself quickly- so awkward when you’re the new person trying to be agreeable. I agree with PPs that a quiet word with management about him making you so uncomfortable is in order- again, excruciating for you to have to do this so early in the piece. His fault though, not yours.

@TheInebriati
This is one reason I refuse to shake hands with men

How do you manage this? If you are in a formal or semi-formal situation where a handshake is offered what do you do? I can't see any way of refusing the handshake without causing an awkward situation.

I'm not disagreeing with your position, btw, just wondering if you have strategies.

He was the certainly the only person who I shook hands with. And I would have found it weird even if that’s all it was.

I don’t like shaking hands much either, I can usually avoid them in situations where they might be expected by giving a small wave very early in the introduction. A bit harder to refuse when a hand is already being held out to you though.

Ew I can't believe this is a thing! The small and disgusting ways that some men find to creep on women in plain sight

Yes please report him.
A middle-aged male colleague did that to me in one of my first summer jobs and then told me what it meant! I told an older female colleague and she cheerily informed me that he was the workplace perv and to just avoid him. This was in the 80s. These days that kind of behaviour is usually included in anti-harassment policies.

I'd have assumed it was a Freemason thing and made a joke about having to go round with one trouser leg rolled up or something. You live and learn....

Oh I thought it was a Mason thing

Snap friar!

Vile behaviour.

The stricter branches of my religion forbid physical contact between men and women who aren't related. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm beginning to think they have a point...

This is one reason I refuse to shake hands with men

How do you manage this? If you are in a formal or semi-formal situation where a handshake is offered what do you do? I can't see any way of refusing the handshake without causing an awkward situation

Whilst I don't think this is the norm for meeting new colleagues shaking hands with clients/ other agents is the norm. I've never come across this.

AFAIK the Masonic handshake is nothing like this.

A guy I knew when I worked with a load of older men who were probably Masons, told me the Masonic handshake is about applying subtle pressure to a specific knuckle of the person you're shaking hands with. Which knuckle they apply pressure to denotes their rank in the Masons.

No idea if he was bullshitting me or not, but I guess it's quite cunning as it'd be pretty much impossible to pick up by watching someone shake hands.

I had a few guys shake hands with me like that, when I worked in the City. Being a woman I'm obviously not a Mason so a secret Masonic handshake is badly targeted at me! I wondered if they were so used to doing it, they did it to everyone. Or if it was just bollocks.

It happened to me too. It was in the early 90s and a new guy at work did the lingering hand shake thing (no finger rubbing stuff tho) and i tried to carry on as normal. Then one day he actually tried to make a physical move on me from behind when we were alone in the office. I turned on him and said in my best assertive voice, "Get your fucking hands off me! " in no uncertain terms and he virtually ran away pissing himself in fear! Very liberating. He never went near me again.

I must be a right minger- I’ve never even heard of the handshake let alone experienced it.

You are right, the knuckle rub is freemasons as my dad and husband have bothhad it done to them. I didn't know about the specific knuckle though

Handshakes are generally weird!

Where I am in the ME a standard handshake between women, or a woman & a man, is 'lay your hand briefly & limply in the other person's hand, as if passing them a dead fish.'

Follow up with double air kiss if both of you are female. If you are greeting a person of opposite sex, the 'pass the dead fish' is enough, & if the bloke then goes in for the air kiss he's either family or being decidedly over familiar.

Man to man (or man to woman if the man is demonstrating his 'I'm all about the equality, me, so will greet my child's female teacher in manly fashion!') is a hearty hand grab. Usually followed up with a bit of back slapping/a hug/double kiss but again that's definitely reserved for men greeting each other - again, anything but the handshake from a man to a woman would raise eyebrows (ie he'd be inappropriate) unless good friends/family.

Sleazy palm tickling would be hugely frowned on.

Honestly, who does that?! Anywhere. I'm used to greeting everyone with a firm handshake & have had to adapt to different cultural standard re dead fish & air kisses.

But wtf scraping a finger over someone's hand to indicate you're up for it ?!

That's very clearly inappropriate in any workplace.

This is one reason I refuse to shake hands with men

How do you manage this?

I smile and greet them verbally, keeping my hands by my side. I've had men try to grab my hand, at which point I say 'I don't shake hands'.
If they make a fuss I say 'There's no need to make a scene, I have arthritis and I don't shake hands. Its painful.'

I’ve had this done to me years ago. I’d forgotten it, but am creeped out again remembering. Grim!

This handshake was a 'thing' years ago (70s or 80s) and is code for 'I want to have clandestine sex with you'

Ew Ew Ew really? Fucking hell... Mind blown.

Dirty fucks.

our RE teacher taught us this handshake when I was about 14. Yes he was a bloke, but I wouldn’t in a million years have thought he was a perve! He said it was a Masonic handshake!