No! Boundaries

[Debenhamshandtowel]

This is probably more of an AIBU but I would value a feminist perspective on an issue.

Recently I’ve had to say “no” to a couple of people at work. I say had to because it was an instinctive reaction to protect myself and my boundaries.

I’ve been told the following by two women. Firstly that no, in this context, doesn’t mean no. It probably means that I need talking round, or training, or reassurance.
Secondly that there are “nicer” ways to say no. That I could have said I couldn’t do it now, or I’d talk about it later, or explained why I couldn’t do it.

What actually happened was I said no. Then was followed round all day by people repeating the request.

If I said no to sex and was told I didn’t mean it that WOULD be wrong. I know that. If I said no in that context and was repeatedly asked to wear me down I also kNOW that would have been wrong.

I explained that no means no and that I’m shocked that another woman could push my boundaries so much and NOT accept no, I’m miffed about being told to be nice.

Am I wrong about this? I’m new to feminism, brought in by GC and having children. Am I doing this wrong?

What was the situation? Saying No to something at work in a work context isn’t the same as saying No to sex.

If you were trying to say No to a work request then that’s not a feminist issue, and saying it less abruptly isn’t taking anything away from you.

I think it depends on the context but I often feel the no and consent thing works with how we try to get kids to eat up what ever it is they don't want to eat.

So I suppose it's when you're being unreasonable about crossing boundaries of personal space, time, likes, preferences etc.

It is an observation of mine that men can just say "no" and no one bats an eyelid.

That's all I'll add here.

It's really impossible to say anything. Sometimes you shouldn't say no. Sometimes you should say it in a different way. Sometimes it is ok for someone to try and convince you.

Do these things apply to you? I could not say. Do people often find you blunt or abrupt? If so it could mean it might be helpful to find a way to smooth social interactions.

Thank you. That’s a lot to think about. I need to sleep on it and read it again tomorrow.

I’m afraid I can’t really give more context. I think you’re all about right without it. Although DpWm’s post makes me feel the best so I’m going with that while I work through the rest.

Thanks