because feminists seemed to be arguing esoteric points, using words like 'gender' that I didn't really understand, their concerns seemed to be very intellectual and removed from the reality of my life
The thing is: once you have become conscious of something; of how it operates, then you naturally start talking about 'it', or discussing it in more over-arching or theoretical terms. It goes with the territory of becoming more aware, and more informed.You reflect upon life and experience.
You live with gender expectation even if if you do not have the vocabulary to describe it in that way. You may talk about how 'unfair' or unjust something is, or how something really pisses you off.
Education can lead into some total mid-fucks ( Queer Theory and post modernism, for example), but it can also liberate and shine a light.