Had my night spoilt by these men.

[Moofreemum1]

Went out for a meal and drinks with work as it's a close friends leaving due. Was all having a lovely evening. About 8 women and 5 men. A stag due walks in and I think these 2 guys were apart of it. Not entirely sure though. However these 2 guys would not leave the group alone. Invading personal space, making us uncomfortable, offering to buy some of the woman drinks. All was met with either no sorry or ignoring them. It then started getting aggressive with one "pretending" to headbutt one of the guys who was with us. Not entirely sure why, but I think it's because he was "in the way" to get to us, in their minds anyway. So I said what are you doing? He played dumb. I copied him and said I saw what you did. My friend then politely but very to the point told them to leave us alone. But one of them just couldn't take the rejection. He then stood a bit away but was giving us death stares. Then slowly wandering back over. It was making me so uncomfortable. In the end my friend got a security person over and he finally left. I heard the dj say to him I was about to call you as they wouldn't leave them alone.

Why do some men think this is ok? Can't take no For an answer and when they do they because aggressive and stand off. It honestly ruined my night, I could not relax after that happened. He was very bitter and I was worried about going home on my own incase he was waiting outside for a mouth full. That's how he made me feel by his actions.

Anyone else got similar stories??

That sounds awful. Male entitlement knows no bounds.

So bloody intimidating

@jeaux90 it was very intimidating, I hardly drunk last night so was very aware of their behaviour. Not sure how drunk they were but didn't seem overly bad.

I just think why cannot you not take rejection. Why do you have to make it your "mission" to pull. Clearly they couldn't take a no. And got nasty when they did hear a no. I think these types of men are dangerous if they can't hear no or get aggressive!

Urgh yes I've had this happen too.

How dare anyone meet up without them

Hate it when they then turn round to any Male friend or partner and say " you've done well there nice one"

Ffs I'm right there. I'm a person not an essay you just got an A on.

Haven't you got your own friends.

Urgh remember the lame chat up lines yet the smarmy chat often quickly turns abusive if you politely indicate you are not interested. The entitlement is mind blowing. Can’t imagine women pestering strangers and insisting they interact with them and getting aggressive if refused

Fucking arseholes. (Sorry, it's a bit early for that kind of language but sheesh...)

I haven’t dealt with this for several years now (partly as late 30s and partly as hardly ever go out to a bar/club now. I live in a rural area and have young kids, so the local pub is my destination of choice!).

But your post brings it all back OP. When I was living a lifestyle where I experienced this more commonly, I was less assertive than I am now, and had less understanding of male entitlement. Looking back, I wish I had put up with less hassle than I did, and had called it out immediately and every time it happened. Good for you OP for calling security. We should all try and keep an eye out for this behaviour directed at other women (especially younger women), and call security for them, if they do not want the attention.

It has really put me off going out now. I just don't understand what goes through their minds when it's clear our group was not interested yet they persist.

I'm now late 20s and in a short space of time I've witnessed abusive behaviour, male entitlement and sexist behaviour from lots of men, I'm fed up with it. I'm now a different person because of it and refuse to put up with this behaviour. I have no patience for it. I never realised how angry men get when called out of said behaviour

when I studied my year group had a X-mas lunch booked at a pub. It was a big pub so there were also other guests. Some men in their fifties clearly thought they had a good chance with all these women in their early twenties and couldn't understand why we weren't interested. Because obviously we only went out to pull, not to hygge with our co-students.

I'm so glad I am in my 50s now.

This was a regular occurrence during my late teens, 20s, 30s...And the reason I always drove and didn't drink unless I had a reliable friend who would drop me home. And why I became the reliable friend for so many of my other female friends. We had to watch ours and each others back all the bloody time.

I remember it being particularly bad during the time that many of our partners/husbands who were in bands were away on 3 different tours; when we would go out we were approached and hassled everywhere we went. Your post has just brought it all flooding back.

Yep, all the time in my 20s, generally with a women only group of lesbians FFS.

Tom Robinson summed it up pretty well m.youtube.com/watch?v=aihbi7Xgit4

And that song was 1979, 40 years ago yet still remarkably topical, especially with the lesbians attacked on the bus.

@everarddigby that song really sums it up! And very relevant after what happened.

I actually think men assume because you are in a bar,drinking and dressed up it automatically means you're "up for it" and looking to be out on the pull. Obviously not all men are like this but a vast majority when on a night out in the city. And for alot of us to have experienced the same behaviour too!

Genuinely, it's stuff like this that's made me stop bothering to dye over my grey hair. I cannot be bothered any more with trying to cope with the absolute arsehole behaviour of some men. It's surprising how such a small thing has made really quite a big difference in how I am treated, it's like I'm invisible, it's great!

I genuinely think the majority of men aren’t like this, but those that are, are (a) more likely to frequent bars etc, and (b) far more visible than the other men in the bar who are behaving considerately.

I will be making sure I educate my sons about this sort of behaviour and why it is unacceptable, when they are older. Also teaching them not to walk behind lone women, not to sit directly behind them on public transport when rest of carriage/bus etc is empty, and other such considerate behaviours.

It's such a shame that a night can get ruined from this behaviour. I was having a really nice night before this happened. Shouldn't have to feel intimidated just because I don't want to be "chatted up"

Similar happened on one of my work nights out. Group of female colleagues all dancing on the dance floor and we're continually harassed by men to the extant that I had enough and just left.

I'm in my late 40s and not very attractive and this shit still happens to me. Was out with a friend at a pub recently and had a drunk guy want to sit and talk with us. I was quite straight with him and said my friend and I had come out to talk to one another and catch up, and didn't want company. I said it politely but didn't leave room for misunderstanding. He got stroppy and offended and then emotional, "I only wanted a bit of company, no need to be so unfriendly."

What a wanker, it made me tense for the rest of the evening as I worried he would come back again. My friend said she wouldn't have had the guts to tell him to go, but instead would have sat uncomfortably chatting and wishing that he'd go away. Why do men think they are entitled to female company and attention?

It's horrible that we feel intimidated for sticking up for ourselves. It's strange because you wouldn't get a group of women persisting to hit on men and then horrible when they say no

Too many men cannot deal with rejection, polite or otherwise.

I was at the bar when a man slung his arm around my shoulders and asked if I wanted a drink. I used my hand to push his arm off of me and said no thank you, he persisted, grabbed my round my waist and i again removed his arm told him i could buy my own and said please do not touch me. He actually squared up to me saying 'whats your fucking problem' and only backed off because my husband who was considerably bigger than him, clocked wjat was happening from our table so came over, tapped him on the shoulder and suggested he fuck off. I was so angry, entitled, aggressive, pig.

It's so depressing that this is such a regular experience for women.

Wow @blooperreal can't believe he actually squared up to you! How horrible!!

I was in a pub watching a local band with a couple I know. A man approached the table and pointed at my female friend and asked her partner, "Is she with you?" When my male friend said yes, he grabbed my arm and told me, "That means you can dance then," as he tried to pull me out of the chair.

Talk about club over head and drag to cave mentality.

Had he asked me directly if I wanted to dance, there's every chance I would have said yes.

Unfortunately, men with that mentality think they're entitled to our bodies, our time and our attention. We owe them nothing, yet they act as if we do.

I was looking forward to getting older so that I'd no longer have to deal with this crap. I'm in my 50s and still subject to this sort of intrusion in my space.

Last week I went for Sunday lunch with a lovely friend who recently
lost his wife. I keep in contact to make sure that he's okay because I know he's not coping well. The waiter came over and said "can I take your order?" and then leaned in a bit closer and said to me "and your phone number" I was horrified. For all he knew, my friend could've been my husband or partner. Fucking unbelievable.

I well remember feeling like you had to be polite to drunken twats for the fear that they would become hostile if rejected.
My aunt told me of an occasion when she was young and a man slapped her in the face when she declined to dance with him. When she went home and told her parents her dad told her she deserved it for saying no.
Some men see women as public property.