Where do you find female communities and spaces?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Perhaps, unexpectedly?

I was thinking about this recently. One of the times I have most appreciated the labour, love, and worth of women was postnatally. Thr baby groups and SureStart centre were all run by women - many of them women such as those slated by the nail campaign thread, young and working-class or lowe middle class women who didn't particularly identify as feminists. But they nurtured new lives and new mothers just through simply being there every week at SureStart, holding hands, providing space to talk. What they organised, the sing-alongs and rhyme times and lukewarm juice, will provide some of the earliest memories for many of those in my area, their first words and songs.

Where have you experienced real, positive female community?

Here.

Well you might be interested in having a look through this thread where the OP is getting completely slated for saying she feels uncomfortable breastfeeding as a new mum around men and would like a female only place.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/3602833-Men-at-baby-groups?pg=1&order=

Yeah I saw that Menstruator. I wasn't sure how I felt about it as dh is a SAHD half the week and I know he sometimes goes to toddler group.

Interesting though!

I find that hard to answer because I've never not had it - it's like trying to identify where air comes from when it's all around you. Girls' school, university women's group and close female friends who have stuck around, internet communities, interest groups, my NCT group, I can't really imagine being without it.

Jeez why on that thread are they telling new mum just to suck it up

That is a stinker of a thread.

Give new mums support and space to be with women
Who wants some random guys new dads or not around when you are a new breast feeding mum

They al, just trying to be oooh so cool the fuckers

Never, not having kids, I hardly ever meet women my own age as most are busy with their families. Even here, being present is questioned in a regular basis...

I have almost always had some form of female community around me. I went to a girls school, was heavily involved in guides/brownies/rainbows, lived in a convent for 6 months (on a gap year, I never really considered joining).

I'm still involved with Brownies, and love the female nature of it. I know the policy on trans members is concerning, but I also know that locally we are an entirely female organisation (because we talk to each other on a local level). The girls really like the fact that there aren't any boys at brownies, although we happily take part in joint events with cubs in the church we meet at.

I loved baby groups when on mat leave, the ones I went to were all women for the most part. I think toddler groups are different, as you're generally going to those for the toddler's benefit, whereas baby groups are support for the mum really. The breastfeeding group I went to had the specific rule that it was mum and baby only, dads had to stay outside the meeting room, although the HV would happily go outside to talk to both parents at once if they wanted. It was such a nice atmosphere at that group.

Well, probably when I was at university, in the women's residence. It could be a little overheated at times, but other times it was really quite lovely.

A lot of the places I can think of like that for me have been not officially closed to men, there were just not many of them. The baby-toddler playgroup at the parent centre around the corner from my house when my eldest was a baby was almost all mums. Or I used to be on the hospitality team in my church, my group was all women, mostly older ones, which is how I got to know some of the older ladies. Or, I did doula training years ago and that was very female centred in a way I enjoyed.

I do think it is a bit tricky, the mixed sex thing, because in reality there aren't many groups that really demand to be women or men only, so it can be difficult to find those spaces. I can totally understand why a new mom might be shy to breastfeed in front of strange men, and that is a real issue because being nervous makes it much harder at the beginning, and being isolated at home does as well. On the other hand, if we tell men they need to take on their share of childcare we can hardly bar them from baby-toddler groups, or even make them feel unwanted. The same for stuff like dishwashing - I liked my hospitality group being all female, but sometimes we wished more men would volunteer.

Just remembering - there was when I was at university a women's group in my department, and i enjoyed that not as much, so I didn't keep attending. There was something about it being exclusive on purpose, rather than just a bunch of women together, that made it less appealing to me. I'm not sure how to explain it really.

I want to expand on my stay in a convent. Those 6 months living there were among the happiest days of my life. It was so peaceful and calm, but that might have been the hour a day of prayer/meditation.

They had an orphanage, which is where I was based for my gap year, and there were no males over the age of 10 (after that the boys were sent to the boys home about a mile away). So it was incredibly female, with women in charge of the orphanage, nuns around all the time, teenage girls being educated on site and helping take care of the younger children. I genuinely loved it.

I've always said that once DH dies (or if we split up) I won't have another male partner, but I'd love to live in a female community. I would really truly love to join some sort of women's commune. I'll probably have to settle for carrying on with Brownies/guides and maybe join the WI.

My family is very female dominated. Out of the 19 cousins in my generation 17 are female and the next generation are 14 girls and 2 boys.

I love it, loads of strong women to look up to and spend time with (me and my sister the youngest in our generation). We have a get together at least once a month with no men present with away days at least a couple of times a year.

luckily the boys also have good male role models, although I do expect they feel left out sometimes.

The other place was a counselling centre for victims of sexual violence, a wonderful place with warm, compassionate and wise women.

I personally hated baby groups and found they were terrible bitchy places, I also got annoyed that the one single dad was treated like a hero rather than just an ordinary single mum.

Randomly enough, my female prayer room at work. I can sit there and be at peace in myself. Especially useful after being snarled at by a man down the phone.

Good grief - that breastfeeding thread. All those women viciously piling on a woman struggling with her feelings - in order to centre men. Nasty.

You didn't say a female space where I agreed with everyone!

I've just thought of another one. At work, in the staffroom. There are 2 men in my department and 9 women. We obviously include the men at lunchtime etc, but the best times are when it's just us women. We work hard, but we chatter about things and have a laugh in a way that we don't if the men are around. We've recently had a male student teacher, who obviously doesn't teach as often as the rest of us so spends a lot of time in the staffroom. All of us women have commented that it changed the dynamic in the staffroom, that we hadnt noticed with female students in previous years.

I have really mixed feelings about this. My son is a SAH dad to his baby. He needs to take her places.
But I feel for any Mum who would not then be comfortable. I once had to bf on a crowded intercity train with 3 men sitting round the table. 2 completely ignored it but the 3rd leaned right in and watched. It was awful.

You know, I was going to say I think it should probably be the etiquette that men sit apart from breastfeeding mums they don't know, or that there be an area that's reserved somewhat. But then I remembered moms back when I had a new baby who were pissed off when that happened.

Sometimes I think many problems come out of not having a widely understood and accepted etiquette, because no rule seems to avoid offending or being a pain for someone.

Let's be honest though, those baby groups are often cliquey as heck. And insanely competitive: newborns dressed up like they're off to a wedding; "oh no really, mine slept through from day one, poor you" headtilt ; who has the poshest pram, blah blah blah. Very far removed from the sisterhood ideal.

rufflecrow I'm sorry the baby groups you went to were like that. That wasn't my experience at all, I found the groups I went to were fabulously supportive of everyone. I made lifelong friends at the first groups I went to 19 years ago in one place. Then made a new set of friends when I had my youngest, in a completely different town, 9 years ago. I think these groups differ so much by area that we often barely even recognise that we're talking about the same thing. They could even be different depending which groups you go to in the same town, or even the same group could be unrecognisable a couple of years later.

Some baby groups might be like that, but that's really not my experience. I remember the first time I walked into my group so clearly - everything had gone wrong when getting DD dressed, I'd missed the bus and arrived half way through the session. I walked in, took off my coat and burst into tears, and was immediately given tea, hugs, biscuits, reassurance and good conversation, and walked out of that church hall feeling like myself again.

Family most of all, my mum, aunties, cousins all sat around chatting eating messing about when I was younger. Now I’m older and they aren’t around and we have moved away, friends, old work colleagues friends we met when we moved. The pub. Baby groups as you said O.P. were a great inspiration to me, I made friends there ten years ago I still see now. It’s really sad that sure start groups have closed- I’m not sure if all of them have but near my sister there are now none. Also no weekly post natal drop in for women and babies at her local G.P. These meetings are vital for health and well-being and connection.

I go to a women's social group called Ladies circle it sounds a bit silly but it's whole purpose is friendship and fun with a bit of charity work on the side.
www.ladiescircle.co.uk/

I used to go to lots of women's networking events, girl geeks, women in tech, women in engineering, bcs women's events. Met lots of great, smart women.

The changing room at work. It's an absolute haven.

A convent I went to for a retreat, with amazing women, and a brilliant academic Religious Sister who shared her wisdom and made very amusing comments about the female protestant minister who gave a talk to the Sisters which brought to mind how nice it would be if Priests were female. She had a twinkle in her when she said it, but we all knew what she meant.

The pub after Lesbians on Chairs. I cannot recall a time in my life where I have felt so incredibly safe and happy. It made me realise how powerful, precious and joyous a genuine women-only space could be and desire much more of it in my life.

Women can be as awful as human beings, I know this. I'm an adult human female and I am far from saintly. But the space to be a whole human, not to feel the need to squash myself down is something I've only ever felt in a woman only space.

Thank you all for sharing. These are great.

My own memories - punting through Hilda's at Oxford in the late 90s and seeing a woman sitting in the gardens there meditating. Going to all female bops there.

The feminist group I helped found as a teen.

My 3 sisters.

The seminars I teach which are all women.

And yeah those baby groups. Ours is a 0-4 + parents group but there is a special bfing support circle that meets in a sideroom off the main room and dads don't go in there. I think that set up works really well.

It's nice to think about

You're lucky Quietlife. Whenever my mum & aunties & female cousins got together it was an almighty gossip/ bitchfest. Still is. Everyone was just hyper critical and judgemental. Tbh it's given me a complex i'm still dealing with today.