Age Gap Love on Channel 5

[SunsetBeetch]

Or: a pervert who groomed an underage girl. I think there's a word for that.

"16-44... It's a big gap." But this didn't stop Andy and Beth from giving #AgeGapLove a go. t.co/3pAgLVRgPE

twitter.com/channel5_tv/status/1132618639352377344?s=19

He started grooming her from age 15 ffs.

P.s. some of the replies to that tweet are enraging too "But she's 16, it's legal" and jokes about the girl's teeth. From men, of course.

I saw that episode last year and was shocked by it. He’s a dirty old man. Nothing less.

Channel 5 are showing a 'how to guide' to grooming.

Makes me wonder who works in channel 5.

Depressingly, even here on MN, whenever there's a discussion on age gap relationships - provided the man is older obs - you'll see lots of people justifying it on the grounds that the woman, sorry, girl is so 'mature'.

Because men who get into relationships with teens obviously value maturity above all else.

I've thought the same @IcedPurple My sister started a relationship as a very young looking 20 year old with a 40 year old and I felt uncomfortable at the imbalance of power

I think people in these discussions get very defensive because they or their mothers were in relationships with much older men, and they justify it to themselves by saying that the girls 'were so mature'.

If a grown man has the same level of 'maturity' as a teenager, there is something seriously wrong with him. But then, imho if a grown man dates a teen there is something very wrong with him to start with. And yes, I'd say the same if the genders were reversed, but we all know they rarely are.

'Giving it a go'. More like he hung around and groomed her until she was 'legal' so he could get his leg over.

Sixteen is very young to go out with someone who is my age, I think it's fraught and I have a difficult time imagining being interested in such a thing, as the older person.

I think it's difficult to pin down a rule, even a social one, about age gaps however. I don't see much use in putting the age of consent much higher than 16, I think trying to achieve a power balance in romantic relationships is probably a lost cause, and I'm not even sure that people in a romantic relationship have to be all that similar for it to work well. I tend to be ver unromantic about sex, though, more than most people I talk to about it.

I'm not even sure that people in a romantic relationship have to be all that similar for it to work well.

There is quite a bit of research showing that, despite the 'opposites attract' myth, the more you have in common with your partner, the more long-lasting your relationship is likely to be. Obviously this is a general is and there are exceptions.

But the reason that relationships between a teen and a grown man - or much more rarely woman - are so distasteful to many of us isn't because of the lack of things in common, but because of their exploitative nature. I don't think many of us would be too bothered by a relationship between, say, a 40 year old and a 55 year old, even though that's a pretty big age group. This is because they are two adults with plenty of experience in life and relationships under their belts. It's hard to see how a 'relationship' between a grown adult and a teen who may be still in school could possibly by healthy, however 'mature' the girl may think she is.

Iced

Of course we always have to talk in generalities. I think we tend to put too much emphasis on having the wrong kinds of things in common. Other things are a lot more important: ones that relate to the way you want to live your life, how you would want to raise children, beliefs about right and wrong, family, that sort of thing. Many people seem to think having things in common means something different, more like enjoying the same activities? It's not really our cultural norm, but I don't think it's worse in places where men and women's sexual relationships have a more limited sphere, and they have same sex relationships more for entertainment and such. I personally wouldn't want to have that as a strict norm, but I think it can work to split of those different parts of relationships. We often depend too much on our partners to inhabit a lot of different roles.

But as far as the potential for exploitation, I don't disagree that it's a possibility. I also think though that happens in many romantic relationships, maybe its just an inherent danger, and I am not convinced that the potential means they should all be disallowed. Lots of cases where there is a significant power imbalance are very good and respectful relationships. I guess we could have a law saying that until you are 18, you can't have sex with someone more than 5 years older, or something like that. But I wonder if that would really do much, you could still have an 18 year old having a relationship, even marrying, someone who is 40 years older. How many 16 year olds are really having relationships with 40 year olds?

I think a big part of the issue with young adults is that they are inexperienced. And we naturally want to prevent them making really significantly bad decisions because of their inexperience. I have wondered though, as I get older, if that doesn't end up pushing back the problem somewhat, so you now have relatively inexperienced 20 year olds making bad decisions. I think more brain maturity than we realise is driven by having experiences.

When I was 17 I dated a 40 year old for three years. It's only in the last decade or so that I realise how inappropriate that "relationship" was. (I'm now in my 40s.)
Thankfully I was smarter and stronger than he thought and I broke up with him. He descended into alcoholism.
I try not to regret it because it's part of the story of my life that made me who I am today and I like who I am today. I'm proud of what I have achieved.

I wouldn't want either of my children to be in that sort of relationship and hope to be in a better position to provide counsel and advice than my Dad was.

I think it is about life experience. I have a friend who is looking after her 87 year old husband with Alzheimer's. She is in her early 60s and married him in her 40s. She has lived a good life on her own, knew what she was getting into and is really good at it. He is utterly charming, but it is not a bed of roses - she gets little sleep and I am not sure he has always been as nice when they are alone. But she has the skills to deal with it.

A relative got involved with an over 40 year old at 19. She had a very limited life before that so although she was a grown up19 year old, she did not have he life experience of most teens. They got married and have survived together without family support as her family cut her off. If it is not ok, she has no escape route.

It's not just the age difference that's the problem here. It's the fact that he knew her mother before their relationship started. He knew her as a child, and then claimed it was her idea that they started a relationship when she turned 16.

Channel 5 are minimising this by claiming it's just a relationship with an age gap.

I also think they they are being irresponsible and using potential abuse as entertainment.