My life in sex: the man who left his wife for his dominatrix

[ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/apr/26/my-life-in-sex-the-man-who-left-his-wife-for-his-dominatrix

"We are respected members of the local BDSM community, which is no more a “lifestyle” than being gay is. You are born with it or you are not. I hope we can begin to accept this fact so that people don’t make the mistake I did: marrying someone who would not, and could not, respect such needs."

Gotta respect your mans "need" to indulge in kinky sex that he hid from you until after you were married. It's just like being gay after all, and therefore if you're not into it you're a bigot.

Any chance the Guardian could fuck off now please?

Anyone want to place bets on how long it'll be before young women are being bullied into acting out men's kinks on pain of being called something-phobic? My money says it'll be on the sex ed curriculum with 5 years.

the comments BTL are pretty universally damning though

Well there are certainly advocates for inclusion in sex ed in the comments
"Sex education in this country is better than it used to be, but still woeful. The presumption throughout is that you have a vanilla sexuality and if you don't then there is something wrong with you. Stories like this are the inevitable result. Teenagers should be given information about "I think I might be X" for lots of different X, with non-judgemental descriptions and pointers to how to find out more."

Yup, that's defs somethings kids need to know about before they've even reached the age of consent. ffs.

Anyone want to place bets on how long it'll be before young women are being bullied into acting out men's kinks on pain of being called something-phobic? My money says it'll be on the sex ed curriculum with 5 years.

I would not bet against you. And I see your sex ed and raise you 'sex gone wrong' incidents skyrocketing.

Where’s the evidence that someone is born with this?

I haven’t read up on this for years but it used to be considered that sexual kinks were developed as arousal became linked with a specific object or activity. Has this actually been disproved or is this just men using notions of born with a certain sexual orientation to suggest its innate?

I know that’s phrased really clumsily but I’d be interested in someone who actually understands this to explain it for me.

Does the Guardian ever write from a woman’s point of view after being emotionally abused by some porn addled arsehole? It’s turned into an MRAs wet dream. Wouldn’t wipe my arse on it.

Wouldn’t wipe my arse on it.

Ha, me neither. If you told me a few years ago that I'd be boycotting the greens party and choosing the Times over the Guardian I'd have laughed at you. Mad times.

It's a vile article but the comments are pleasingly critical of him and his awful self serving views

I don't actually believe many people on BDSM scene would describe it as an innate sexuality. This just sounds like one very entitled guy looking for excuses.

Having just read the comment "Well, count your blessings. Our branch here in Ambridge is made up of just me and dachshund named Colin. And I suspect he's just in it for the collar." and the reply, I have to say I just about managed not to spit my tea out!

There's a very powerful account in the comments from a Clare in London. She would fit in on the trans widows thread

Steamfan
Me too ,priceless

Have the Guardian any idea how rapey this sounds?

We are respected members of the local BDSM community, which is no more a “lifestyle” than being gay is. You are born with it or you are not. I hope we can begin to accept this fact so that people don’t make the mistake I did: marrying someone who would not, and could not, respect such needs.

There's a little trick they use in these sort of articles. Use the submissive or the female dom to make it palatable whilst still selling the life style. Ive seen Vice do it.

They would never publish it jf he said "I am a sexual sadist who knew since I was seven that I wanted to beat and rape women. I wish I had a wife that respected it".

The cliche of the middle aged couple turning to a bit of light bdsm or general kinkery to spice things up exists for a reason. Because anyone can try a kink. It isnt a sexuality. A man won't fuck anither man if he isnt bisexual.

Are furries, furries from birth? Is it too much Sesame Street?

This idea that women have to cater to men's sexual proclivities, be they autogynephiles claiming to be women or BDSMers needing pain in their sexual relationships, is like something from the 1950s. The woman in those scenarios isn't a person in her own right, with her own ideas of what she wants from a relationship, she's there to be endlessly tolerant and prop up whatever creepy behaviour the man wants to indulge in. It's the most abject form of wifework.

I bet the fucker switches too.

"It was horrific and extraordinarily expensive."

this made me LOL.

Do none of these "My Life in Sex" people have any self-awareness? No matter what the particular pigeon is they are almost invariably nothing more than narcissistic whinging.

I've never seen this before but gave up on the Guardian on account of all the misogyny!

The demand that his poor ex respect his needs, no matter what, really struck me. That sense of entitlement and then equating his kink to being gay? Remarkable arrogance. Respect ME. Understand ME. Satisfy MY needs. Not once was there an attempt to understand his partner and her needs or the impact on her when he suddenly pulled their life apart.

I'm in the kink community, and he can fuck the fuck off and fuck off some more with that comment.

Safe, Sane and fucking CONSENSUAL you arrogant twat - that means FREEDOM OF CHOICE and RIGHT TO SAY NO.

Good lord I am ANGRY having read that.

truthisarevolutionary act I read through the comments to find ClareLondon's comments, and, oh boy, can she write.