Stacey Dooley: or, how men own our sexuality

[Victoriapestis01]

Ok, I’m probably not the demographic for Stacey Dooley. All I know is that she’s a young woman who makes tv programmes, and she’s been on strictly come dancing, which I have never watched.

And, of course, she’s been all over the news recently, because after 3 years with her boyfriend, she ....... left him. (The man she left him for sounds pretty ghastly, not the chap I’d want for my daughter, but that’s not the point). Said abandoned boyfriend has been all over the newspapers, taking about how terrible it is that he’s been left, bellowing rage at the new man, and protesting about how the love of his life has been stolen (like a pet rabbit).

I feel really uncomfortable about this. Presumably she left him because she didn’t love him and didn’t want to have sex with him any longer. So why is she being pilloried? There seems to be a really nasty assumption at work here: men own our sexualities. If we lead a man on by getting together with him, then that’s that, we have to stay with him. We have to continue to have sex with him, even if the thought makes our skin crawl, because otherwise he’ll be so traumatised and the love of his life will have been stolen, and WHO WILL HE HAVE SEX WITH????

As far as I can see, this young woman is being hung out to dry because she dared to choose to leave a man. Does this ever get called out? Why should we be expected to have sex with men if we no longer wish to do so?

I know who Stacey Dooley is, like her investigations, but have no idea who either of her boyfriends (ex or present) are. However, didn't she just win Strictly? And if so, people will think she's decided to "upgrade" now she's more famous. And people don't like that, women are supposed to settle for their lot and be happy with it. Never want something better. Or different. Never look elsewhere. Only men are allowed to do that.

I think the outrage comes about because she's allegedly cheated on and left her BF for the man she was dancing with for 3 months

The insinuation is that she was having an affair with her dance partner on strictly, whilst still with her boyfriend at the time. Based on no direct evidence of course.

But that does seem to involve a lot of judging of her for daring to dump her boyfriend and move on. Which to me seems an entirely reasonable thing to do, should you want to.

What shocks me about it is that it is so normalised. To me, the real story here is: man harasses woman who dared to leave him, by embarrassing her and behaving in a way calculated to distress her. But the trashy press covers it as: shallow woman callously leaves a man.

We all know where masculine jealousy and rage at being left can lead- in some cases to extreme violence and stalking.

Consent is only genuine if it is given freely and enthusiastically: the idea that we should be bound to keep on sleeping with a man just because we’ve started doing so, and called him a boyfriend, seems to be to deny women all positive sexual agency and freedom of choice and ownership of our bodies. And whatever sort of man wants an unenthusiastic partner anyway? (Actually, given the number of men who pay for prostitutes....silly question.)

I think the seventh rule applies here

Oh, didn't realise she'd left him for her dance partner.

I'm pretty sure that Louise and Stacy have both been linked to the same guy and the reason for both relationship breakdowns- as reported in the press, not my opinion.

See this for how the man in question (Kevin) has been reported on:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6943251/Kevin-Cliftons-second-wife-reveals-overdosed-tablets-dancer-ended-marriage.html

I think that the press know that this is click bait gold so are running any story about it that they can.

I think the ex boyfriend came across as needy and the article wasn't flattering to him.

Woman leaves boyfriend to start another relationship - simple as that.
It can work both ways, that is life.

What is also bizarre is firstly it's reported that Stacey was told to dump her partner for someone more starry and then its reported in the same breath that she's been told to dump Kevin in case of bad publicity!

Yeah it's the "cheating" that people are up in arms about. Not the controlling boyfriend with such low standards that he'll run to the tabs about her.

I like Dooley. She always strikes me as being a bit Theroux - lots of innocently probing questions, small viewer only interactions to keep us onside and giving the people she features either a sympathetic chance to voice their situation or enough rope to hang themselves with, as appropriate. However because Theroux is a bloke he's seen as knowing whereas because she's a woman disingenuousness is categorised as her being thick.

So, a "thick" "cheating" woman in the public eye=tabloid gold.

Isn't this more a story about the 'curse' of strictly? Loads of people have cheated on/split up with their partners to have affairs with the dancers during the making of the show. Dooley is just another in a long line. If this guy is a serial seducer (ie misleads, raises hopes then dashes them in order to shag women) then it might be annoying to see her taken in by his bullshit? Perhaps the word 'stolen' is patriarchal but it is extremely irritating to see someone you normally respect getting played like a fiddle by a manipulator.