I feel like I have peak manned

[Nousernameforme]

I know, I know NAMALT but there are enough of them like this and even more that are "like this" if they can get away with it.

By like this i mean abusive either physically emotionally financially or sexually. If they aren't actually abusive then they make womens lives a misery by not being bothered to participate in life and wanting to be looked after and accommodated.

Then there is the behaviour of men online when a woman expressing an opinion is publicly opening herself up to rape a death threats as a matter of course. Not to mention the modern day sex pest flashers who torment women with unasked for dick pics.

Then the porn saturated boys treating girls like they see on camera without a thought their wellbeing.

This is just the tip of the iceberg and it all starts with men and boys getting an idea in their head that they are superior to women I don't know what the answer is I can see my own 15 year old ds heading down this route and i can't see how to stop it.

I hear you!

If there is one thing that #metoo revealed, it's that men behaving like dicks is the norm, either behaving terribly, or supporting fellow males who are behaving terrible. not the exception. So NOMALT, but actually MMALT (most men ARE like that).

I do think that a lot men DWTBLT (don't want to be like that) and, if called out on their behaviour, will recognise the damage it does and make a change.

this happened to me ages ago but I managed to keep it in my head

now I'm just....I cba to NAMALT every bloody time. I was talking to a friend - luckily not a work contact - about a networking group. She suggested a different one and I immediately said "no, I looked at that and it's mostly men". I have enough work that I can ignore a mostly male group, thanks!

I think that if a man had blue/pink parents he is going to turn out the way OP describes.

The young men I know who are kind and thoughtful all have GC parents.

Go figure..

I "peak manned" years ago. The big issue for me is condom use. Condoms prevent pregnancy and STDs but try to have sex with a man and get him to use one. There will be a tiresome, unsexy argument every. Single. Time. They expect women to use birth control and they don't care about diseases. STDs are on the rise as a result. Condoms are cheap and completely safe and legal and they just won't wear them. There's no excuse.
There's a thousand other reasons but I think that one is my peak.

I was married to a deeply unpleasant man for 11 years. He’s a nasty, narcissistic fuck who emotionally abused me, occasionally physically abused me, and consent for him meant pestering until I begrudgingly let him get on with it while I told him to hurry up. He’s still financially abusing me and our DS, who he doesn’t see or care about to this day. My best friend tried to rape me when I was 12, which I only prevented by smacking him in the jaw, and despite the fact that I love my dad, he used to hit me. I’ll never forgive him for hitting me when I was 18. I wonder how many other 18 year old women he’d think it was acceptable to hit, well actually I daren’t. That’s not even counting all the random men who’ve groped me, sexually harassed me, called me names for no reason, pushed me out of the way, pushed in front of me and all the other little micro-agressions we get on a daily basis. So all in all, I don’t have a particularly high opinion of men. Even the nice ones, the ones I quite like, regularly say and do things that show their true colours. Misogyny is always lurking just below the surface and once you see it, you can’t unsee it, and I’m not very good at not noticing it nowadays, so I find myself getting resentful,.

Yup, I'm with you. I pointed out to some people recently that if we all know a victim (thanks #MeToo) and 90+% of victims know their attacker, then we also probably know their attackers. It's not bloody rocket science. So enough with the NAMALT - which actually mean NOTMILALT (none of the men I like are like that) - yes, actually, they are. MMALT. I have now been labelled "confrontational" and "aggressive". Not the millions of fucking hateful men ruining women's lives - me. I'm the aggressive one. Go fucking figure. And like you say, even the ones not raping and killing us are being useless fathers and then complaining about how unfair family court is, or forcing their wives to quit work because they're exhausted from doing everything around the house, then complaining that they have to pay out to them on divorce. Even the genuinely good ones who wash the dishes and do the school runs have profited from men abusing women - every time a woman laughed at their non funny joke, or faked an orgasm rather than hurt their feelings, or said yes when they wanted to say no because it was safer to do that than find out which group of men they belonged to. They didn't hurt anyone, they never would, but they profited none the less from the fear created by those who do. So yeh, thoroughly peak-manned over here.

once you see it, you can’t unsee it, and I’m not very good at not noticing it nowadays, so I find myself getting resentful

This in spades. This last year has been like stepping out of the matrix. It's everywhere and I can't unsee it and nobody else seems to give a shit.

... They didn't hurt anyone, they never would, but they profited none the less from the fear created by those who do. So yeh, thoroughly peak-manned over here.

Yep. And every bit of that post.

I think everything i have tried to say has been better said by you all.
It can't be unseen and i am really resentful. I am not going to start randomly bitching at men in the street but i am going to stop being so accommodating.
I am also going to call out misogyny online when i see it. It won't change anything but at least i am not complicit in it.

I was at a conference recently, where I was responsible for doing the seating plan for two formal dinners. I'm so fed up with dealing with men with massive egos at work, so I decided to seat myself with other women both nights. I had such a great time, had brilliant (two way - what a revelation ) conversations, and made some great new contacts. I'm definitely offering to take charge of seating arrangements at all events from now on

I'm not sure I know what Peaked Manned means, but I do get it. I think the poster who pointed out that most men have profited from the dicks, whether they realise it or not, are right. It's male privilege to extreme. For me it's the playground - I know, not exactly on the edge of abuse or whatever. But while I see lots of men doing school run etc I speak to the women. And I know that in pretty much every single case, the man has, at best, his set days for school run etc. But emergency situations are ALWYAS the women. The men's set days are days HE feels the most comfortable with and the women has to take the other days, even if it makes her life more difficult. If something comes up at work, these men ditch their days with no guilt but god forbid one of the women do the same.

it's so tiring because these ARE the good guys.... sigh.

On plus side, DH once swapped childcare days to one that was less convenient for him because the woman who wanted to swap NEEDED to swap for her career while it was just mildly inconveniencing to him. His point to me was "women have enough struggles when they're building their career, so it seems a bit mean for me to be the reason she struggles even more."