Being kind is something of a loaded term round these parts, due to the rather heavy leverage of it employed by those who would manipulate various societal expectations of women and girls.
Today, a number of people have been downright horrible to me, and a number of them have demanded kindness from me in response, some of them even trying to suggest it was a moral duty.
I found myself simmering with anger, and then I noticed something positive. It's something of a trope that feminists are 'bitter', which has always painted an image to me of a harsh, angry, unfeeling sort of woman - I'm sure you're well aware of how FWR is painted on certain sections of the tinterwebs.
But what I noticed today was that I am angry, yes, but my response to anger is not instinctively to spit venom at my accuser or abuser. I am, instead kind. But not to the abuser. I actively channel my anger into kindness for others who are suffering.
I see this played out so much. Women are angry because wicked men campaigned effectively to remove the funding from a rape refuge/counselling service. So they begin to donate, and encourage others to donate to keep that service open. They were kind, and it lifted other women up.
My response to being hurt is not to lash out and hurt others - it is to make sure that I am a voice of kindness to others who may need to hear a voice of solidarity.
I will not surrender kindness because of selfish men. Those women who donated to the refuge did not do so in anger to spite men. It was because they knew that other women needed their kindness.
I am fearsomely angry about male violence, and the crappy things women have to endure because of this society so slanted against them.
But that anger does not make me hateful. It makes me better than those whose jealousy and self obsession make them hate women. It makes me kinder.
Don't let others force you into compliance and call it kindness. Cling tenaciously to true kindness. I think it will change the world.